out there,” David says, accepting my point but rebutting my plan. “You won’t last five minutes beyond the barricades, not at night. Besides, I doubt you’d even get that far. The guards on the fence would mistake you for a zombie and cap you before you made it through no-man’s-land.”
“I have to,” I insist, even though I know he’s right. “I’ve got to try.”
“I understand,” Steve says, taking hold of my hand. “There has to be hope.”
Steve surprises me. Just when I think I’ve got him figured out, he throws me for a loop. I guess he’s been here before me. At some point, he fought for his family, watching helplessly as they turned. His fingers are warm. They’re a reminder of what we’re fighting for—life.
I say, “Without hope, what is life but torment?”
“Haze,” Jane says softly, taking the rucksack off my shoulder. “You can’t go. Not now. Not in the darkness. David’s right.”
“I—”
“Wait till dawn,” Steve says.
“We’ll go together,” David says.
“We will?” Jane asks, looking briefly at David before adding, “Yes. We will.”
“But your father,” I begin, even though I know Ferguson isn’t David’s real father.
“My father is a dick!” David says. Given David’s loyalty to the marauders and how closely he works with his stepfather, I didn’t expect him to be so forthright. I figured he’d rationalize what happened in some way and try to make light of the accident, but it’s a pleasant surprise to hear him be so blunt.
I say, “My father needs—”
David cuts me off, saying, “If you want to help your father, you have to listen to me. Traveling through the forest at night is suicide. You’d never see Zee coming.”
They lead me back into the lounge. Steve gestures to the couch and I slump into the sunken cushions. The worn springs sigh as they give way beneath me.
“Listen,” Jane says. “We have to consider the possibility your dad won’t make it. I’m sorry, but we have to.”
Sitting on the couch, I feel my life draining from my body. Like my father, I want to get up and stay active, but I’m too tired. I try to hide my shaking hands, holding them in my lap.
David says, “There’s a storeroom beneath the old boiler room. Only a few of us know about it. McKenzie keeps his distillery equipment down there. We could hide your dad there. He’d be safe from Ferguson. And if he—”
David stops himself at that point. We all know.
Jane says, “David and I will take your dad there. We’ll talk to McKenzie. We’ll get him to keep your dad safe until we return.”
“But if they find him—”
Jane rests her hand on my forearm, saying, “They won’t be looking for him. They’ll think he’s gone with us.”
I nod, resigned to fatigue.
Steve sits down and slips his arm over my shoulder. I guess he wants to comfort me, but I’m frustrated. I shrug away from him. I don’t want to be touched. I want life to be reset, and not just to yesterday. I want life to go back to how it was before the outbreak.
I’m angry, but there’s no justification for my anger, no focus, and so I don’t know what I’m angry about or who I’m angry with. In the end, I’m disappointed in myself.
Jane and David creep into my dad’s office. I try to get up. I feel as though I have to help them, but my legs are like lead weights.
“Just relax,” Steve says, but I don’t want to relax.
“You don’t have to do everything,” Steve adds softly. “You can’t fix everything.”
He’s right, but I don’t want to admit that.
I try not to cry. I’m stupidly tired, but going to sleep feels like giving up.
“It’s okay,” Steve says. “Don’t you see? We waited for you. We care. We can help.”
I turn and bury my head on his shoulder and cry. I hate myself. I feel like a whiny, selfish child. All I can think about as I drift off to sleep is how I don’t deserve friends like these.
Chapter 04: Daylight
Jane wakes me, rocking
“I have to,” I insist, even though I know he’s right. “I’ve got to try.”
“I understand,” Steve says, taking hold of my hand. “There has to be hope.”
Steve surprises me. Just when I think I’ve got him figured out, he throws me for a loop. I guess he’s been here before me. At some point, he fought for his family, watching helplessly as they turned. His fingers are warm. They’re a reminder of what we’re fighting for—life.
I say, “Without hope, what is life but torment?”
“Haze,” Jane says softly, taking the rucksack off my shoulder. “You can’t go. Not now. Not in the darkness. David’s right.”
“I—”
“Wait till dawn,” Steve says.
“We’ll go together,” David says.
“We will?” Jane asks, looking briefly at David before adding, “Yes. We will.”
“But your father,” I begin, even though I know Ferguson isn’t David’s real father.
“My father is a dick!” David says. Given David’s loyalty to the marauders and how closely he works with his stepfather, I didn’t expect him to be so forthright. I figured he’d rationalize what happened in some way and try to make light of the accident, but it’s a pleasant surprise to hear him be so blunt.
I say, “My father needs—”
David cuts me off, saying, “If you want to help your father, you have to listen to me. Traveling through the forest at night is suicide. You’d never see Zee coming.”
They lead me back into the lounge. Steve gestures to the couch and I slump into the sunken cushions. The worn springs sigh as they give way beneath me.
“Listen,” Jane says. “We have to consider the possibility your dad won’t make it. I’m sorry, but we have to.”
Sitting on the couch, I feel my life draining from my body. Like my father, I want to get up and stay active, but I’m too tired. I try to hide my shaking hands, holding them in my lap.
David says, “There’s a storeroom beneath the old boiler room. Only a few of us know about it. McKenzie keeps his distillery equipment down there. We could hide your dad there. He’d be safe from Ferguson. And if he—”
David stops himself at that point. We all know.
Jane says, “David and I will take your dad there. We’ll talk to McKenzie. We’ll get him to keep your dad safe until we return.”
“But if they find him—”
Jane rests her hand on my forearm, saying, “They won’t be looking for him. They’ll think he’s gone with us.”
I nod, resigned to fatigue.
Steve sits down and slips his arm over my shoulder. I guess he wants to comfort me, but I’m frustrated. I shrug away from him. I don’t want to be touched. I want life to be reset, and not just to yesterday. I want life to go back to how it was before the outbreak.
I’m angry, but there’s no justification for my anger, no focus, and so I don’t know what I’m angry about or who I’m angry with. In the end, I’m disappointed in myself.
Jane and David creep into my dad’s office. I try to get up. I feel as though I have to help them, but my legs are like lead weights.
“Just relax,” Steve says, but I don’t want to relax.
“You don’t have to do everything,” Steve adds softly. “You can’t fix everything.”
He’s right, but I don’t want to admit that.
I try not to cry. I’m stupidly tired, but going to sleep feels like giving up.
“It’s okay,” Steve says. “Don’t you see? We waited for you. We care. We can help.”
I turn and bury my head on his shoulder and cry. I hate myself. I feel like a whiny, selfish child. All I can think about as I drift off to sleep is how I don’t deserve friends like these.
Chapter 04: Daylight
Jane wakes me, rocking
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