COMES OVER. SHE
AND MUM ARE ALWAYS LAFFING. I LIKE IT WHEN RUBY IS HERE
BECAUSE MUM DOESN’T CRY.
IT IS REAL SUNNY NOW IN DUBLIN. ME AND MUM HAVE BEEN
TO THE BEACH A FEW TIMES. I AM LEARNING TO SWIM. BUT I HAVE TO KEEP MY ARMBANDS ON IN THE SEA. MUM SAYS SHE
WANTS TO LIVE ON THE BEACH. SHE SAYS SHE WOULD LIKE TO
love, rosie
65
LIVE IN THE SEA SHELLS! OUR NEW FLAT IS IN THE CITY AND I LIKE IT.
WHEN ARE YOU COMING TO SEE US? MUMMY SAYS YOU ARE
GETTING MARRIED TO A GIRL NAMED BIMBO. THAT’S A FUNNY
NAME.
LOVE,
KATIE
chapter 9
k
You have an instant message from: RUBY
Ruby:
Hey you, happy Monday.
Rosie:
Oh great, hold on while I get the champagne.
Ruby:
What did you do over the weekend?
Rosie:
Oh wait till you hear this! I was just dying to tell you all morning, it’s so exciting! You’ll never believe it, I—
Ruby:
I sense sarcasm here. Let me guess: you watched TV.
Rosie:
Introducing Ruby . . . and her psychic powers!! I had to listen to it with the volume blaring just to drown out the loving couple next door screaming their ears off each other. Someday they’re going to kill each other. I can’t wait. Poor Katie didn’t know what was going on so I sent her down to stay at Toby’s house.
Ruby:
Honestly don’t some people understand the meaning of the word DIVORCE?
Rosie:
Ha ha, well, it’s a magic word for you.
Ruby:
I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t make fun of a devastatingly difficult time in my life that left me feeling shattered and emotionally distraught.
Rosie:
Oh please! Getting that divorce was the happiest day of your life! You bought the most expensive bottle of champagne, love, rosie
67
went out clubbing, and you snogged the ugliest man in the world . . .
Ruby:
Ah well people have their different ways of grieving . . . OK well it was a happier feeling than the one I had on my wedding day . . .
The wedding day feeling was kind of “Uh oh . . .”
Rosie:
Have you finished typing up all that crap Randy Andy gave us?
Ruby:
No I haven’t. Have you?
Rosie:
No.
Ruby:
Good let’s take a coffee break as a reward. We really shouldn’t overwork ourselves. I hear it’s quite dangerous. Will you bring your fags, I forgot mine.
Rosie:
Yep meet you downstairs in five minutes.
Ruby:
It’s a date. Gosh how exciting. Neither of us has been on one of them for a while . . .
You have an instant message from: RUBY
Ruby:
Where the hell were you? I waited for you in the café for a half an hour!
Rosie:
Oh what hell for you Ruby!
Ruby:
Yes I had to force myself to eat two chocolate muffins and a slice of apple pie. Oh it was awful Rosie . . . if only you had been there . . .
Rosie:
Sorry about that, Randy Andy here wouldn’t let me leave the office.
Ruby:
Oh he is such a slave driver! You should complain to head office, get the asshole fired.
Rosie:
He is head office.
Ruby:
Oh yeah.
Rosie:
Well in all fairness Ruby, he may be a prick but we did just take a break an hour ago . . . and it was our third one in less than three hours . . .
Ruby:
You are turning into one of THEM!
Rosie:
I have a child to feed.
Ruby:
As do I.
68
Cecelia Ahern
Rosie:
That child feeds himself, Ruby.
Ruby:
Ah leave my little fatso alone. He’s my baby and I love him regardless.
Rosie:
He’s 17.
Ruby:
Yes, and old enough to have a baby of his own, going by your standards . . .
Rosie:
Well he’ll be fine as long as he doesn’t go to his school ball with the most uninteresting man in the world with the ugliest face, that way he won’t have to drink a sickening amount of alcohol to trick the brain into thinking that man is beautiful and funny and . . . well you know the rest.
Ruby:
Are you suggesting that my son could perhaps have a gay relationship at his debs?
Rosie:
No! I was just saying . . .
Ruby:
Oh I know what you were saying, except I think that my poor darling son may be the exact person that girls will have to drink excess amounts of alcohol
AND MUM ARE ALWAYS LAFFING. I LIKE IT WHEN RUBY IS HERE
BECAUSE MUM DOESN’T CRY.
IT IS REAL SUNNY NOW IN DUBLIN. ME AND MUM HAVE BEEN
TO THE BEACH A FEW TIMES. I AM LEARNING TO SWIM. BUT I HAVE TO KEEP MY ARMBANDS ON IN THE SEA. MUM SAYS SHE
WANTS TO LIVE ON THE BEACH. SHE SAYS SHE WOULD LIKE TO
love, rosie
65
LIVE IN THE SEA SHELLS! OUR NEW FLAT IS IN THE CITY AND I LIKE IT.
WHEN ARE YOU COMING TO SEE US? MUMMY SAYS YOU ARE
GETTING MARRIED TO A GIRL NAMED BIMBO. THAT’S A FUNNY
NAME.
LOVE,
KATIE
chapter 9
k
You have an instant message from: RUBY
Ruby:
Hey you, happy Monday.
Rosie:
Oh great, hold on while I get the champagne.
Ruby:
What did you do over the weekend?
Rosie:
Oh wait till you hear this! I was just dying to tell you all morning, it’s so exciting! You’ll never believe it, I—
Ruby:
I sense sarcasm here. Let me guess: you watched TV.
Rosie:
Introducing Ruby . . . and her psychic powers!! I had to listen to it with the volume blaring just to drown out the loving couple next door screaming their ears off each other. Someday they’re going to kill each other. I can’t wait. Poor Katie didn’t know what was going on so I sent her down to stay at Toby’s house.
Ruby:
Honestly don’t some people understand the meaning of the word DIVORCE?
Rosie:
Ha ha, well, it’s a magic word for you.
Ruby:
I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t make fun of a devastatingly difficult time in my life that left me feeling shattered and emotionally distraught.
Rosie:
Oh please! Getting that divorce was the happiest day of your life! You bought the most expensive bottle of champagne, love, rosie
67
went out clubbing, and you snogged the ugliest man in the world . . .
Ruby:
Ah well people have their different ways of grieving . . . OK well it was a happier feeling than the one I had on my wedding day . . .
The wedding day feeling was kind of “Uh oh . . .”
Rosie:
Have you finished typing up all that crap Randy Andy gave us?
Ruby:
No I haven’t. Have you?
Rosie:
No.
Ruby:
Good let’s take a coffee break as a reward. We really shouldn’t overwork ourselves. I hear it’s quite dangerous. Will you bring your fags, I forgot mine.
Rosie:
Yep meet you downstairs in five minutes.
Ruby:
It’s a date. Gosh how exciting. Neither of us has been on one of them for a while . . .
You have an instant message from: RUBY
Ruby:
Where the hell were you? I waited for you in the café for a half an hour!
Rosie:
Oh what hell for you Ruby!
Ruby:
Yes I had to force myself to eat two chocolate muffins and a slice of apple pie. Oh it was awful Rosie . . . if only you had been there . . .
Rosie:
Sorry about that, Randy Andy here wouldn’t let me leave the office.
Ruby:
Oh he is such a slave driver! You should complain to head office, get the asshole fired.
Rosie:
He is head office.
Ruby:
Oh yeah.
Rosie:
Well in all fairness Ruby, he may be a prick but we did just take a break an hour ago . . . and it was our third one in less than three hours . . .
Ruby:
You are turning into one of THEM!
Rosie:
I have a child to feed.
Ruby:
As do I.
68
Cecelia Ahern
Rosie:
That child feeds himself, Ruby.
Ruby:
Ah leave my little fatso alone. He’s my baby and I love him regardless.
Rosie:
He’s 17.
Ruby:
Yes, and old enough to have a baby of his own, going by your standards . . .
Rosie:
Well he’ll be fine as long as he doesn’t go to his school ball with the most uninteresting man in the world with the ugliest face, that way he won’t have to drink a sickening amount of alcohol to trick the brain into thinking that man is beautiful and funny and . . . well you know the rest.
Ruby:
Are you suggesting that my son could perhaps have a gay relationship at his debs?
Rosie:
No! I was just saying . . .
Ruby:
Oh I know what you were saying, except I think that my poor darling son may be the exact person that girls will have to drink excess amounts of alcohol
Similar Books
