futile. I’m not stupid. I just-I can’t make myself give up yet.”
“I’m sorry. But we need to decide what we’re going to do next.” Nowen said.
Jamie’s brow furrowed under a fall of limp blonde hair before she dropped her head to her hands. “Oh, what’s the point?” came the muffled words.
Nowen forced down a mouthful of dry crackers and looked around at their woefully small stash of scavenged supplies. “Well, we’re going to have to do something about more food and water, at least. And we need to decide if we’re going to stay here or-”
“What’s the point?!” Jamie interrupted, raising her head. Her eyes were red-rimmed and tears tracked down her face. “Seriously, what’s the point? When you sit and think about it, I mean really think about it, about the enormity of it all...” her voice trailed off, and she cupped her hands together in front of her. “The entire world is like Exeter, like Ft. Collins. Dead and dying.”
“You don’t know that for sure.”
“Ohhhh, but I’m pretty positive. You saw the news, same as I did. Things were going to shit all over the place. Between Flux and the Revs...” Nowen started to interject but Jamie raised a hand to stop her. “And how long will our luck hold out. Is Flux still out there? Can we get it? Any day now will we turn on each other?”
“The authorities-”
Jamie laughed, a harsh bark. “Ha! What authorities? Have you seen any police? Or military? Or even the damn Boy Scouts?” She slammed her fist down on the table. Cracker crumbs danced from the force of her blow.
Nowen frowned. “Oh. Are you going to kill yourself?”
Jamie looked dumbfounded. “What?”
“Well, if you feel everything is hopeless, then it’s not worth going on. Right?”
For the first time in the few days Nowen had known the young nurse Jamie showed anger. Intense, burning anger.
“What the hell is wrong with you, Nowen?” The words came out bitter and red-edged.
“What? What did I do?”
Jamie wiped her face with the back of hand. “You’re so damn cold, Miss I-like-to-watch-from-the-window-as-people-die-and-it-doesn’t-bother-me, and sometimes you ‘re as scary to me as what’s outside-” her hysterical words stopped as she realized what she had said.
“I scare you?” Nowen asked, puzzled.
“Yes. No. Sometimes. Oh, hell, I don’t know what I’m saying.” Jamie sighed and ran her hands through her hair. Hearing her lay her innermost thoughts out seemed to have brought her back to normalcy. “I’m sorry, Nowen. It’s just, you know, everything...” she trailed off. A heavy silence filled the room. Finally, Nowen spoke.
“How do I scare you?”
Jamie shook her head. “It’s nothing. It’s just foolishness.”
“I’d like to know, nonetheless.”
“I watch you when you’re looking out the window. You’re so intense as you watch those people die. You practically vibrate with energy, as if you want to be down there. And you lick your lips when you’re doing this. A lot. Do you know you do this?” The young woman’s voice grew quieter as she added “I don’t know anything about you. You don’t know anything about you. You killed those Revs so easily, like it was no big deal. I’m a nurse, I’m used to seeing blood and bile and mucus and every gross substance the human body can produce, and all that death still makes me ill. But it doesn’t bother you, does it?” Jamie’s blue eyes were wary but accusatory as she waited for an answer.
Nowen didn’t know what to say. She settled for a shrug and “Sometimes.”
Jamie threw her hands up in exasperation. “And that’s another thing! You’re as silent as a stone-” The ringing of a phone interrupted her.
The only bit of good news in the past week had come through the inter-hospital phone system. A group of survivors (one doctor, two nurses, an elderly couple who volunteered at the hospital, two young men, and one very pregnant woman) had found safety on the
“I’m sorry. But we need to decide what we’re going to do next.” Nowen said.
Jamie’s brow furrowed under a fall of limp blonde hair before she dropped her head to her hands. “Oh, what’s the point?” came the muffled words.
Nowen forced down a mouthful of dry crackers and looked around at their woefully small stash of scavenged supplies. “Well, we’re going to have to do something about more food and water, at least. And we need to decide if we’re going to stay here or-”
“What’s the point?!” Jamie interrupted, raising her head. Her eyes were red-rimmed and tears tracked down her face. “Seriously, what’s the point? When you sit and think about it, I mean really think about it, about the enormity of it all...” her voice trailed off, and she cupped her hands together in front of her. “The entire world is like Exeter, like Ft. Collins. Dead and dying.”
“You don’t know that for sure.”
“Ohhhh, but I’m pretty positive. You saw the news, same as I did. Things were going to shit all over the place. Between Flux and the Revs...” Nowen started to interject but Jamie raised a hand to stop her. “And how long will our luck hold out. Is Flux still out there? Can we get it? Any day now will we turn on each other?”
“The authorities-”
Jamie laughed, a harsh bark. “Ha! What authorities? Have you seen any police? Or military? Or even the damn Boy Scouts?” She slammed her fist down on the table. Cracker crumbs danced from the force of her blow.
Nowen frowned. “Oh. Are you going to kill yourself?”
Jamie looked dumbfounded. “What?”
“Well, if you feel everything is hopeless, then it’s not worth going on. Right?”
For the first time in the few days Nowen had known the young nurse Jamie showed anger. Intense, burning anger.
“What the hell is wrong with you, Nowen?” The words came out bitter and red-edged.
“What? What did I do?”
Jamie wiped her face with the back of hand. “You’re so damn cold, Miss I-like-to-watch-from-the-window-as-people-die-and-it-doesn’t-bother-me, and sometimes you ‘re as scary to me as what’s outside-” her hysterical words stopped as she realized what she had said.
“I scare you?” Nowen asked, puzzled.
“Yes. No. Sometimes. Oh, hell, I don’t know what I’m saying.” Jamie sighed and ran her hands through her hair. Hearing her lay her innermost thoughts out seemed to have brought her back to normalcy. “I’m sorry, Nowen. It’s just, you know, everything...” she trailed off. A heavy silence filled the room. Finally, Nowen spoke.
“How do I scare you?”
Jamie shook her head. “It’s nothing. It’s just foolishness.”
“I’d like to know, nonetheless.”
“I watch you when you’re looking out the window. You’re so intense as you watch those people die. You practically vibrate with energy, as if you want to be down there. And you lick your lips when you’re doing this. A lot. Do you know you do this?” The young woman’s voice grew quieter as she added “I don’t know anything about you. You don’t know anything about you. You killed those Revs so easily, like it was no big deal. I’m a nurse, I’m used to seeing blood and bile and mucus and every gross substance the human body can produce, and all that death still makes me ill. But it doesn’t bother you, does it?” Jamie’s blue eyes were wary but accusatory as she waited for an answer.
Nowen didn’t know what to say. She settled for a shrug and “Sometimes.”
Jamie threw her hands up in exasperation. “And that’s another thing! You’re as silent as a stone-” The ringing of a phone interrupted her.
The only bit of good news in the past week had come through the inter-hospital phone system. A group of survivors (one doctor, two nurses, an elderly couple who volunteered at the hospital, two young men, and one very pregnant woman) had found safety on the
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