idea how to hotwire an automobile even if it came with two wires sticking out from underneath the steering wheel and a vehicle-theft instruction manual.
If you decide to head back toward the restaurant to pick up your own car and then load it up with gasoline, turn to page 188.
If you’d rather travel light and see how far you can get on the chainsaw fuel you already have, turn to page 145.
Back
60
You pull off the headless corpse’s uniform. He doesn’t need it anymore, and if you’re going to get to the bottom of all this, you’ll be better off traveling incognito. Not to mention armed—you take the soldier’s weapon, too.
After a little wandering you find a building that appears to serve as a command center. Soldiers are running in and out, and the two guards posted at the front door aren’t questioning any of them. Crossing your fingers, you fall in behind a panicked group of soldiers. They pass unmolested, but suddenly a heavy hand comes down on your shoulder.
“Drop your weapon!” one guard shouts. “Now, or we shoot!” You do as you’re told, and then lay face down on the pavement when further instructed to do so. Uh-oh, you think. How did they find you out?
“There are over 2,000 personnel stationed at this base, soldier,” the guard says. “And not one of them is a stuffed bunny. Dumbass.”
Ah. Okay, now what? Maybe if you tell them you have information about the zombie invasion, they’ll take you to see someone important and you can find out what’s going on here. On the other hand, everyone seems a little twitchy about all the undead, and if they think you have something to do with it, they might just shoot you.
If you try to convince the guards you have important information about the plague, turn to page 262.
If you tell them you have no idea what’s going on and you’re just on base looking for someplace safe from zombies, turn to page 31.
Back
61
You’re down to the base instincts of the undead now, and those instincts tell you that if something is warm and moving you should try to eat it. So you force your way through the throng toward the thing that lives. It’s frantically swinging a stick around, which is convenient for you, because it clears a lot of the irrelevant pasty-gray things out of your way, making it easier for you to approach your meal.
As you come within its grasp, suddenly the thing stops swinging. If you were still able to recognize facial expressions, you might see a look of shock and deep loss in its eyes. It stares at you and lifts its weapon above its head once again, but then drops the stick and falls to its knees, apparently unable to continue for reasons far beyond your understanding.
Lucky break for you, though. You bite into an exposed portion of torso. Mmm, human flesh—that’s good eating. And somewhere in there is the mother lode. Instinct tells you that if you keep chewing, you’ll eventually strike brain.
As you eat, however, something happens. The pink, warm flesh turns cold, and then starts to smell the same as all the others around you. Gross. You have no interest in eating that. What happened to your delicious meal? You get up and wander away from the crowd, hoping to stumble upon something tasty again. After a while you notice that something in an umpire’s outfit is following you. You have a vague memory involving umpires and deliciousness, but upon further inspection this is just another run-of-the-mill zombie.
The two of you wander off together, looking for dinner, into the sunset.
THE END
Back
62
“We’ll take the job,” you say before Mittens has a chance to weigh in. Despite all her bravado, you know she’s been itching to get her badge back. And anyway, the zombie church is super creepy, and you’re hardly eager to go back there alone.
You’re sworn in and assigned to a group of veteran officers who seem to know your partner well. Mittens takes charge, and you quickly throw out the bogus drug mule lead
If you decide to head back toward the restaurant to pick up your own car and then load it up with gasoline, turn to page 188.
If you’d rather travel light and see how far you can get on the chainsaw fuel you already have, turn to page 145.
Back
60
You pull off the headless corpse’s uniform. He doesn’t need it anymore, and if you’re going to get to the bottom of all this, you’ll be better off traveling incognito. Not to mention armed—you take the soldier’s weapon, too.
After a little wandering you find a building that appears to serve as a command center. Soldiers are running in and out, and the two guards posted at the front door aren’t questioning any of them. Crossing your fingers, you fall in behind a panicked group of soldiers. They pass unmolested, but suddenly a heavy hand comes down on your shoulder.
“Drop your weapon!” one guard shouts. “Now, or we shoot!” You do as you’re told, and then lay face down on the pavement when further instructed to do so. Uh-oh, you think. How did they find you out?
“There are over 2,000 personnel stationed at this base, soldier,” the guard says. “And not one of them is a stuffed bunny. Dumbass.”
Ah. Okay, now what? Maybe if you tell them you have information about the zombie invasion, they’ll take you to see someone important and you can find out what’s going on here. On the other hand, everyone seems a little twitchy about all the undead, and if they think you have something to do with it, they might just shoot you.
If you try to convince the guards you have important information about the plague, turn to page 262.
If you tell them you have no idea what’s going on and you’re just on base looking for someplace safe from zombies, turn to page 31.
Back
61
You’re down to the base instincts of the undead now, and those instincts tell you that if something is warm and moving you should try to eat it. So you force your way through the throng toward the thing that lives. It’s frantically swinging a stick around, which is convenient for you, because it clears a lot of the irrelevant pasty-gray things out of your way, making it easier for you to approach your meal.
As you come within its grasp, suddenly the thing stops swinging. If you were still able to recognize facial expressions, you might see a look of shock and deep loss in its eyes. It stares at you and lifts its weapon above its head once again, but then drops the stick and falls to its knees, apparently unable to continue for reasons far beyond your understanding.
Lucky break for you, though. You bite into an exposed portion of torso. Mmm, human flesh—that’s good eating. And somewhere in there is the mother lode. Instinct tells you that if you keep chewing, you’ll eventually strike brain.
As you eat, however, something happens. The pink, warm flesh turns cold, and then starts to smell the same as all the others around you. Gross. You have no interest in eating that. What happened to your delicious meal? You get up and wander away from the crowd, hoping to stumble upon something tasty again. After a while you notice that something in an umpire’s outfit is following you. You have a vague memory involving umpires and deliciousness, but upon further inspection this is just another run-of-the-mill zombie.
The two of you wander off together, looking for dinner, into the sunset.
THE END
Back
62
“We’ll take the job,” you say before Mittens has a chance to weigh in. Despite all her bravado, you know she’s been itching to get her badge back. And anyway, the zombie church is super creepy, and you’re hardly eager to go back there alone.
You’re sworn in and assigned to a group of veteran officers who seem to know your partner well. Mittens takes charge, and you quickly throw out the bogus drug mule lead
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