A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Penultimate Peril by Lemony Snicket

something should happen to arrive at night." "Why would you want to watch the skies?" Geraldine asked curiously. Esme frowned, and Violet could tell that the stylish woman had let something slip, a phrase which here means "said something she wished she hadn't." "Because birdwatching is very in," she said unconvincingly, a word which here means "clearly telling a lie." "Wait until the readers of The Daily Punctilio hear that!" gasped Geraldine. "Will all the guests at your cocktail party be wearing sunoculars?" "No matter what the guests are wearing," Esme said with a smirk, "they won't be able to see the surprises we have in store for them." "What surprises?" Geraldine asked eagerly. "If I told you what they were," Esme said, "they wouldn't be surprises." "Couldn't you give me a hint?" Geraldine asked. "No," Esme said. "Not even a little one?" Geraldine asked. "No," Esme said. "Pretty please?" Geraldine whined. "Pretty please with sugar on top?" Esme's silver-coated lips curled thoughtfully. "If I give you a hint," she said, "you'll have to tell me something, too. You're a reporter, so you know all sorts of interesting information. Before I reveal my special hors d'oeuvres for Thursday's cocktail party, I want you to tell me something about a certain guest at this hotel. He's been lurking around the basement, plotting to spoil our party. His initials are J. S." "Lurking around the basement?" Geraldine repeated. "But J. S. is..." "Esme!" Carmelita screamed from the swimming pool, interrupting at just the worst moment. "That concierge is just standing there, when she's supposed to be at my beck and call! She's nothing but a cakesniffer!"  Esme turned to Violet, who was used to being called a cakesniffer after all this time. "What are you waiting for?" she snarled. "Go get whatever that darling little girl wants!" Esme twirled around and marched away, and Violet was glad to see that the villainous girlfriend's outfit had two more lettuce leaves than had been visible from the front. The eldest Baudelaire was sorry to stop performing her flaneur errands and begin her duties as a concierge, but she stepped to the edge of the swimming pool, walking carefully on the tilted roof of the hotel and peering into the clouds of steam. "What is it you want, miss?" she asked, hoping Carmelita would not recognize her voice. "A harpoon gun, of course!" Carmelita said. "Countie said that I can't be a ballplaying cowboy superhero soldier pirate without a harpoon gun." "Who's Countie?" Geraldine asked. "Esme's boyfriend," Carmelita said. "He thinks I'm the most darling, special little girl in the entire world. He said if I used my harpoon gun properly he would teach me how to spit like a real ballplaying cowboy superhero soldier pirate!" "I can see the headline now," Geraldine said into her microphone. "'BALLPLAYING COWBOY SUPERHERO SOLDIER PIRATE LEARNS TO SPIT.'' Wait until the readers of The Daily Punctilio see that!" "I'll fetch you a harpoon gun, miss." Violet promised, ducking to avoid the attendant's spatula, which was overturning a sunbathing woman. "Stop calling me 'miss,' you cakesniffer!" Carmelita said. "I'm a ballplaying cowboy superhero soldier pirate!" Fetching objects for people who are too lazy to fetch them for themselves is never a pleasant task, particularly when the people are insulting you, but as Violet walked back to the elevator and pressed the button for it to arrive, she was not thinking about Carmelita's atrocious behavior. She was too preoccupied, a word which here means "wondering what exactly Esme Squalor and Carmelita Spats were doing at the Hotel Denouement." The two unsavory females knew full well about V.F.D. and the plans for Thursday's gathering, but the eldest Baudelaire did not believe for a minute that all they were planning was a cocktail party. As the doors slid open and Violet stepped inside, she wondered why Esme was using her sunoculars to search the skies. She wondered what