for me. It was obvious now, it was there all along. There were simply clouds in his way. I hoped the clouds would stay gone, I didn’t think I could handle those gray days anymore. I missed this, missed us. Having him back, even just for a little bit, was like breathing life back into our relationship.
The way we looked at each other, talked to each other after that night, we had renewed intimacy, and that reflected through everything we did. It was like a weight had been lifted. What was once a dark corner of our marriage, light filtered through, lifting the depression. We felt like a true couple again. We weren’t pretending, just going through the motions, we were truly healing.
Austin had issues time to time, but the more we were together, the less prevalent it seemed. It seemed to restore his confidence. Once he let go of that fear – knowing I’d be okay if he couldn’t get fully hard, as long as he showed me he cared and desired me, it seemed like less and less of an issue. Without communication, we’d shut down, but the more we discussed it, the easier it became. With his confidence coming back, and our love life improving, we felt stronger than ever.
The one thing he was still having a problem with, was his concern that he’d never feel normal again. While we’d tackled this issue and beat it, he held onto the fact that he might never be completely stable. He’d learned coping mechanisms, he had medication that helped with the anxiety, but through it all, there were still days he felt broken.
Ryan was his saving grace, and his purpose for pushing forward. Watching him with our son, I knew he’d be okay. I just wished he could see what I saw. All he knew was that some days were still a struggle, and they grew old and tiresome. There were less bad days, and more good days, but we had new challenges to overcome. When his father grew ill, everything changed.
Chapter Nine
The call came unexpectedly; it was bad news. Austin went straight to the hospital. It was his least favorite place to be, but he knew he didn’t have much time. His father was rushed by ambulance after what appeared to be a heart attack. On further testing, he’d not only had a heart attack, but on falling cracked ribs and punctured a lung which was making breathing difficult. It was all too much on his body, and organ after organ was shutting down.
With a firm do not resuscitate order – there was no life support. There were no second chances, and slowly a life faded from existence.
When Austin brought his mother home, I saw the fearless woman crumble like a tower of blocks. She was the shell of the strength I’d seen before. Her pale, slender form showed her internal panic. Her husband was gone. Her skin was almost transparent, and her veins had never been as obvious. The highway of blue lines snaked across her face, neck and hands. She looked at me with dull, dead eyes, and no expression.
I pulled out a blanket and sheets and made up the sofa, so she’d have a place to rest. Austin sat with her in silence all night. I told them both how sorry I was, and then left them to grieve together. One of us needed sleep. We had long days ahead of us.
When I woke with Ryan, I crept down the stairs. His mother stared at me with tear stained cheeks, her eyes bloodshot from spending the night crying. She had nothing to say.
“I’m so sorry for your loss,” I whispered, not wanting to wake Austin who was now passed out on a chair nearby.
She didn’t say anything, simply nodded. My heart broke for the woman, she couldn’t hide the agony she was in, and sat stunned, staring ahead.
Heading to the kitchen, I juggled Ryan on my hip, to start the coffee. I didn’t think caffeine was the right choice, so I pulled the instant decaf out of the cabinet. It was something, but at some point, Austin’s mom would need to sleep. On second thought…I put the coffee back and pulled out the tea bags. I brought it out as an offering, “Mrs.
The way we looked at each other, talked to each other after that night, we had renewed intimacy, and that reflected through everything we did. It was like a weight had been lifted. What was once a dark corner of our marriage, light filtered through, lifting the depression. We felt like a true couple again. We weren’t pretending, just going through the motions, we were truly healing.
Austin had issues time to time, but the more we were together, the less prevalent it seemed. It seemed to restore his confidence. Once he let go of that fear – knowing I’d be okay if he couldn’t get fully hard, as long as he showed me he cared and desired me, it seemed like less and less of an issue. Without communication, we’d shut down, but the more we discussed it, the easier it became. With his confidence coming back, and our love life improving, we felt stronger than ever.
The one thing he was still having a problem with, was his concern that he’d never feel normal again. While we’d tackled this issue and beat it, he held onto the fact that he might never be completely stable. He’d learned coping mechanisms, he had medication that helped with the anxiety, but through it all, there were still days he felt broken.
Ryan was his saving grace, and his purpose for pushing forward. Watching him with our son, I knew he’d be okay. I just wished he could see what I saw. All he knew was that some days were still a struggle, and they grew old and tiresome. There were less bad days, and more good days, but we had new challenges to overcome. When his father grew ill, everything changed.
Chapter Nine
The call came unexpectedly; it was bad news. Austin went straight to the hospital. It was his least favorite place to be, but he knew he didn’t have much time. His father was rushed by ambulance after what appeared to be a heart attack. On further testing, he’d not only had a heart attack, but on falling cracked ribs and punctured a lung which was making breathing difficult. It was all too much on his body, and organ after organ was shutting down.
With a firm do not resuscitate order – there was no life support. There were no second chances, and slowly a life faded from existence.
When Austin brought his mother home, I saw the fearless woman crumble like a tower of blocks. She was the shell of the strength I’d seen before. Her pale, slender form showed her internal panic. Her husband was gone. Her skin was almost transparent, and her veins had never been as obvious. The highway of blue lines snaked across her face, neck and hands. She looked at me with dull, dead eyes, and no expression.
I pulled out a blanket and sheets and made up the sofa, so she’d have a place to rest. Austin sat with her in silence all night. I told them both how sorry I was, and then left them to grieve together. One of us needed sleep. We had long days ahead of us.
When I woke with Ryan, I crept down the stairs. His mother stared at me with tear stained cheeks, her eyes bloodshot from spending the night crying. She had nothing to say.
“I’m so sorry for your loss,” I whispered, not wanting to wake Austin who was now passed out on a chair nearby.
She didn’t say anything, simply nodded. My heart broke for the woman, she couldn’t hide the agony she was in, and sat stunned, staring ahead.
Heading to the kitchen, I juggled Ryan on my hip, to start the coffee. I didn’t think caffeine was the right choice, so I pulled the instant decaf out of the cabinet. It was something, but at some point, Austin’s mom would need to sleep. On second thought…I put the coffee back and pulled out the tea bags. I brought it out as an offering, “Mrs.
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