him, bathed him, and sang to him.
She doted on him, but pushed out the time Austin and I spent with him. I’d go to get him, and she’d jump in, “Let me do that.” I know she thought she was being helpful, but I felt like she was stepping on my toes, taking over my life. I selfishly wanted my child back to myself.
Dinner was served by the time I got home, and Heather was no longer watching Ryan. I wanted to be thankful, but as the days and then weeks wore on, I started to feel useless. What did they need me for, if she was doing everything?
Money was handled, food was cooked, and my boys were taken care of. Chores were done, and by the time I got home from work, there was nothing left to do. I should have been grateful there was less to do, but it didn’t work that way. Instead I fell into a funk, feeling replaced.
In a weird twist, Austin seemed stronger. It was like he felt the need to take care of us all finally. I wish it had kicked in earlier, but he had his own issues to deal with. He was finally serious about finishing his classes and starting his apprenticeship. He was so close, that I really believed he’d make it this time.
I was happy for him, but as he was getting stronger, I was taking a long desperate slide to an emotionless depression, and sat in shades of gray more than color these days. Contentment seemed a far reach, and happiness was gone.
My second pregnancy couldn’t have come at a worse time. All I could do was cry, feeling trapped in my situation. What should have been a joyful moment was anything but. I dwelled in the reality of my home life, and tried to find the happiness in what was happening.
When I was ordered on bed rest, it was the moment Caroline’s presence felt like a blessing. I couldn’t have done it all by myself, wouldn’t have been able to, and in some weird way, I made peace with the fact that she was here – at least for now. We even started to talk a little bit, and the walls of hostility that had been there for so long, finally started to come down.
In the hours of being housebound together, Caroline finally spoke to me like a person. She spoke of missing her husband, and what her pregnancies were like, and as she opened up to me, seeing I wasn’t the enemy, something changed. We were nicer to each other, and a pseudo-friendship formed. We were no longer at each other’s throats, but accepted the other into our lives. I wouldn’t have guessed this was a possibility, but here I was about to have a second child, and Austin’s mother had finally accepted me, knowing how much I loved her son.
We realized with a new family member on the way, the house would be getting even more crowded. Caroline was sharing a room with Ryan. We decided we’d find a new alternative before I delivered, though packing and moving through pregnancy was going to be tiring.
Combining our resources, and with a Veteran’s loan, we were able to qualify for a small house with a yard, that offered an additional bedroom and bathroom. As my belly swelled, we started the process of packing and moving our home. It was a fresh start, and as I waddled around trying to settle into the new residence, I thought back on how much things had changed since I first met Austin.
The rush of excitement, realizing I was in love, Austin’s deployment, our marriage, his Post-traumatic stress disorder diagnosis, our first child, his father’s death, his mother moving in with us, and now a second child on the way. No wonder my head was spinning – in the last few years, so much had taken place, that there was barely any room for us to work on our relationship.
With everything taking priority, I realized we’d put ourselves on the backburner. It was time to fix that, and rediscover what we once had, or we’d be forever in a shuffle of putting our relationship last.
After our daughter was born, I made the commitment to myself to tackle this head on. I wasn’t taking no for an answer, as I desperately
She doted on him, but pushed out the time Austin and I spent with him. I’d go to get him, and she’d jump in, “Let me do that.” I know she thought she was being helpful, but I felt like she was stepping on my toes, taking over my life. I selfishly wanted my child back to myself.
Dinner was served by the time I got home, and Heather was no longer watching Ryan. I wanted to be thankful, but as the days and then weeks wore on, I started to feel useless. What did they need me for, if she was doing everything?
Money was handled, food was cooked, and my boys were taken care of. Chores were done, and by the time I got home from work, there was nothing left to do. I should have been grateful there was less to do, but it didn’t work that way. Instead I fell into a funk, feeling replaced.
In a weird twist, Austin seemed stronger. It was like he felt the need to take care of us all finally. I wish it had kicked in earlier, but he had his own issues to deal with. He was finally serious about finishing his classes and starting his apprenticeship. He was so close, that I really believed he’d make it this time.
I was happy for him, but as he was getting stronger, I was taking a long desperate slide to an emotionless depression, and sat in shades of gray more than color these days. Contentment seemed a far reach, and happiness was gone.
My second pregnancy couldn’t have come at a worse time. All I could do was cry, feeling trapped in my situation. What should have been a joyful moment was anything but. I dwelled in the reality of my home life, and tried to find the happiness in what was happening.
When I was ordered on bed rest, it was the moment Caroline’s presence felt like a blessing. I couldn’t have done it all by myself, wouldn’t have been able to, and in some weird way, I made peace with the fact that she was here – at least for now. We even started to talk a little bit, and the walls of hostility that had been there for so long, finally started to come down.
In the hours of being housebound together, Caroline finally spoke to me like a person. She spoke of missing her husband, and what her pregnancies were like, and as she opened up to me, seeing I wasn’t the enemy, something changed. We were nicer to each other, and a pseudo-friendship formed. We were no longer at each other’s throats, but accepted the other into our lives. I wouldn’t have guessed this was a possibility, but here I was about to have a second child, and Austin’s mother had finally accepted me, knowing how much I loved her son.
We realized with a new family member on the way, the house would be getting even more crowded. Caroline was sharing a room with Ryan. We decided we’d find a new alternative before I delivered, though packing and moving through pregnancy was going to be tiring.
Combining our resources, and with a Veteran’s loan, we were able to qualify for a small house with a yard, that offered an additional bedroom and bathroom. As my belly swelled, we started the process of packing and moving our home. It was a fresh start, and as I waddled around trying to settle into the new residence, I thought back on how much things had changed since I first met Austin.
The rush of excitement, realizing I was in love, Austin’s deployment, our marriage, his Post-traumatic stress disorder diagnosis, our first child, his father’s death, his mother moving in with us, and now a second child on the way. No wonder my head was spinning – in the last few years, so much had taken place, that there was barely any room for us to work on our relationship.
With everything taking priority, I realized we’d put ourselves on the backburner. It was time to fix that, and rediscover what we once had, or we’d be forever in a shuffle of putting our relationship last.
After our daughter was born, I made the commitment to myself to tackle this head on. I wasn’t taking no for an answer, as I desperately
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