Change of Life by Anne Stormont

His expression was ugly and cold. “I did not sleep with your sister.”
    I tried to speak but only a sob came out. I shook my head and looked down at the floor. He let go of my arms. “Oh, what’s the use?” He went back to the window and looked out at the darkening sky. I felt my legs buckling. I sat down. Tom spoke – still with his back to me. “I’ve told you why I did what I did – it was for your protection.”
    I managed to find my voice. “So you say – but you could have told me afterwards – when I was well again. That’s what’s so hard to understand, Tom – that’s why I think there’s got to be more to it.”
    “I did mean to tell you one day – when the time was right – but I don’t know – the longer time went on I-”
    “It must have occurred to you that Robbie might come looking for his family one day.”
    He turned to face me and leant against the window sill. “Yes, it did but I thought we’d – I’d get some warning – a letter or something - so I could prepare you. I’ve always thought of him as James – she named him James Robert after your father – so I didn’t make the connection. It wasn’t until I saw him tonight-”
    “So you weren’t going to tell me unless you were forced to – unless Robbie made contact. You weren’t really waiting for the right time, were you?”
    “When would have been the right time, Rosie – when? Do you remember how ill you were – how deep the depression was? Even as time went on I could never be sure you were strong enough to handle all the facts about the end of Heather’s life.”
    “Not strong enough – how can you doubt my strength? Have you ever considered what I’ve have coped with – on my own – with no help from you – bringing up the children, working, running this place, looking after my father-”
    “Oh here we go – Saint Rosie – the martyr! You don’t have to work – you know that – you put the pressure on yourself. You don’t want my help – not really. You shut me out – everything’s always under control. You enjoy being put upon – you smother the children. No wonder Adam’s the way he is.” This made me gasp.
    “So I’m a control freak and a bad mother, am I? What about you, Tom – absent father and unfaithful, dishonest husband.” Tom looked at me the same way Adam did after I slapped him.
    “Right, that’s enough – this is getting us nowhere.” Tom put his hand up to silence me. “Let’s leave it for now. We’re both tired. We should go to bed. Robbie exists – you know now. You need time to get used to that fact - to get over what’s happened. It won’t look so bad in the morning. Come on, let’s go up to bed.”
    Now I felt patronised. “No Tom, no - you don’t get this do you? Don’t tell me what to do and how to feel. Don’t talk to me in that ‘doctor knows best’ way – I’m not one of your patients!” I was shouting again and the tears had restarted. I stood up and headed for the door. Tom was right behind me. I turned to face him, my hand on the door handle. “This is far from over. I haven’t even begun to get my head round Robbie and what you’ve done. I don’t know what to believe or what to think. But I do know I’m angrier than I’ve ever been with you. And I also know I don’t want you in our bed.”
    Tom looked stunned. “Don’t do this, Rosie.” He tried to turn me towards him as I headed out of the door.
    “Get off me. I mean it, Tom, leave me alone.”
    I was so angry that my throat hurt as I spoke. At that moment I hated Tom. I hated that he thought he knew best. I hated his need to take charge. I hated that he just expected me to understand.

Chapter Eight
     
    I went up to Max’s attic room to say goodnight but he was already asleep, curled up on top of his duvet. As I crossed the passageway at the bottom of the attic stairs, I glanced at Adam’s bedroom door. It was closed. I had to see Adam, to apologise, but not now. I could hear