Christy Miller's Diary by Robin Jones Gunn

face? I’m smiling at the memory.
    Things are so great with Todd right now. He is such an amazing guy. Sometimes I feel as if my heart is so full of appreciation and admiration for him that if I added one more pinch, my heart would burst. Sometimes I wonder if this is love. How do you know if you’re really in love? How much of our feelings are we supposed to figure out and how much are we just supposed to feel?
    I feel deliriously happy tonight. Happy to be alive and well. God seems so close right now. When we went on the houseboat, Todd and I went out in the raft the first morning and the sky was so beautiful! Todd quoted this verse in Nahum that said, “The clouds are the dust of His feet.” Now whenever I look up and see fluffy clouds, I think that God has been walking across the skies.
    A few months ago there was a guest speaker at church and he taught on this one verse about how the Spirit of God roams the face of the earth looking for just one person who will be obedient and faithful to Him.
    That’s what I think of when I see the clouds. The Spirit of God is roaming the earth again, seeking the few who love Him above all else. I want to be one of those few obedient, faithful God Lovers. I feel as if I have so far to go and so much to learn. I want to not only read my Bible but I want to study it more. I want to go deeper in my relationship with the Lord so that when He speaks in His still, small whisper I’ll hear Him.
January 6
    I’m sorry, DSF.
    I have neglected you. How long has it been since I slipped between your covers? Three months? I’ve missed you.
    It’s not possible for me to catch you up on everything that’s been happening, but I do want to make a few “markers” so I’ll remember this season of my life.
    Katie and I have gone through our biggest testing time ever. Katie has a boyfriend. Michael. And she’s changed. A lot. I feel as if she and I are miles apart. I’ve been sooooooo busy with school and work and church and Todd and my family that I haven’t put the kind of effort into keeping things close with Katie. We had such a fantastic friendship. I don’t want to let it go.
    The other thing I want to write down so I remember is that I’ve been enjoying being on the yearbook staff and taking pictures. It’s a lot work and a lot of hassle and this guy, Fred, drives me crazy, but all in all, I like it.
    Todd has been telling me all along to pray about Katie, and I have been, but I don’t see anything changing. She and Michael keep getting closer and she and I keep moving further and further apart. It’s depressing.
    Todd’s birthday is coming up on the 14th and I don’t know what to get him. He and I have talked about what to do and nothing seems to be working out. That’s depressing me, too. I don’t want his birthday to slip by without us being able to do something memorable together. I don’t think his birthdays were ever a big deal when he was growing up and that’s just sad. We have to celebrate somehow.
May 13
    Dearest Silent Friend, I’m so glad I can talk to you.
    I just spent the last hour or so reading all through this diary and I’m amazed at how much my life has changed. So much has happened. I’m glad you’ve been there for me for all these years. You may be silent, but when I go back and read all these secrets you’ve held for me, it’s as if you’re speaking all over again into the deep corners of my heart. I see God at work in my life.
    And tonight I needed to see that. I did something today that I think I’ll end up regretting, or at least second guessing for a long time.
    I broke up with Todd.
    I know. I can’t believe I’m just sitting here telling you this and that I’m not falling apart. I feel numb.
    There’s a reason I let go of my end of the rope in our relationship. Todd received an invitation to finally go on an extended missions outreach with a group he’d contacted some time ago. It’s what he’s always wanted to do. And he wasn’t