not Wesley, not he, but he yelled in return—
“Can’t sleep; clowns will eat me!”
…You have the strangest…well. John Scalzi swung his axe at the unicorn pegasus kitten—
“Don’t hurt it, Daddy!”
—which dodged nimbly out of the way. Wesley Crusher fell to the ground. He lifted his spear as John hefted his axe. And then he shouted out—
“1, 2, 3, 4, I declare a dance war!”
Mighty Wesley shouted in reply—
“So you think you can dance?”
—and then the unicorn pegasus kitten brought a disco ball. Wesley got to his feet and struck the opening pose for the pasa doble. The dulcet strains of—
“The Chicken Dance!”
—rang out, as John smiled grimly. He danced the Chicken Dance. He danced the Y.M.C.A. He did the Mashed Potato and the Twist. Wesley countered with the dreaded Macarena and the Electric Slide. John nodded. ‘You compete well,’ he said, ‘but can you limbo?’
“So the unicorn pegasus kitten got a bar…”
Yes. And John started to dance underneath it. The unicorn pegasus kitten sneezed—
“Oh no!”
Oh yes… And the bar collapsed, falling on top of John Scalzi.
“Wesley was very sad.”
He asked, ‘Are you okay?’ and he lifted the bar off of John’s chest. ‘I’ve been better,’ he replied. ‘But I like dancing better than fighting.’ Then he shook hands with Wesley, and they agreed that they could share the planet in peace.
“Shiny!”
So how do we end the story?
“Rocks fall, everybody dies!”
Traditionally, stories end with ‘And they all lived happily ever after.’
“Rocks fall, everybody dies!”
Fair enough. And that is the story of Old Man’s War .
“Can I read it when I’m older?”
Of course you can. Now, what does the kitty say?
“Meow.”
What does the duck say?
“Quack quack.”
And what does the chicken say?
“Sizzle.”
That’s right.
“Good night, Daddy. I love you.”
I love you too, sweetheart. Good night.
THE MAKING OF THE UNICORN PEGASUS KITTEN ART: A TRANSCRIPT OF AN INTERVIEW WITH JOHN SCALZI
Q:Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule,
Mr. Scalzi.
John Scalzi: Not at all. Happy to share the story of this magnificent work of art.
Q: It is magnificent, isn’t it?
Scalzi:It really is. I think we can say without reservation that it is the best picture featuring an orc, an actor and a unicorn pegasus kitten, ever.
Q: So how did this all come about?
Scalzi: Well, early in the year I knew I wanted to do something special to help raise money for Lupus research, and after some thought, I had the idea which roughly conforms to the picture as you see it today. Artist Jeff Zugale had done some work for me before, so I called him up to see if he had time to take the commission. He did, and then after that I got hold of Wil and asked him to take part, and of course he was quite enthusiastic. Jeff and Wil both live in the Los Angeles area, so at that point the big logistical issue was getting both me and the unicorn pegasus kitten into Jeff’s studio for the posing.
Q: What was that again?
Scalzi: I said the real logistical issue was getting me and the unicorn pegasus kitten into the studio at the same time.
Q: So you’re saying this picture actually happened.
Scalzi: No, no, obviously not. I mean, it’s not as if Wil and the UPK and I were actually in a lava-strewn volcanic crevasse, preparing to do battle with each other. That’s just silly. That’s where Jeff and his potent imagination comes in. We are all in a studio, posing.
Q:I think the thing I’m trying to wrap my brain around is that you appear to be saying unicorn pegasus kittens exist.
Scalzi: Of course they do.
Q: I don’t think their existence is common knowledge.
Scalzi: Well, they’re not native to the Americas, which I think may be the source of your confusion.
Q: Where are they native, out of curiosity?
Scalzi: The northeast part of the Irkutsk Oblast. Which, as you can probably tell by
“Can’t sleep; clowns will eat me!”
…You have the strangest…well. John Scalzi swung his axe at the unicorn pegasus kitten—
“Don’t hurt it, Daddy!”
—which dodged nimbly out of the way. Wesley Crusher fell to the ground. He lifted his spear as John hefted his axe. And then he shouted out—
“1, 2, 3, 4, I declare a dance war!”
Mighty Wesley shouted in reply—
“So you think you can dance?”
—and then the unicorn pegasus kitten brought a disco ball. Wesley got to his feet and struck the opening pose for the pasa doble. The dulcet strains of—
“The Chicken Dance!”
—rang out, as John smiled grimly. He danced the Chicken Dance. He danced the Y.M.C.A. He did the Mashed Potato and the Twist. Wesley countered with the dreaded Macarena and the Electric Slide. John nodded. ‘You compete well,’ he said, ‘but can you limbo?’
“So the unicorn pegasus kitten got a bar…”
Yes. And John started to dance underneath it. The unicorn pegasus kitten sneezed—
“Oh no!”
Oh yes… And the bar collapsed, falling on top of John Scalzi.
“Wesley was very sad.”
He asked, ‘Are you okay?’ and he lifted the bar off of John’s chest. ‘I’ve been better,’ he replied. ‘But I like dancing better than fighting.’ Then he shook hands with Wesley, and they agreed that they could share the planet in peace.
“Shiny!”
So how do we end the story?
“Rocks fall, everybody dies!”
Traditionally, stories end with ‘And they all lived happily ever after.’
“Rocks fall, everybody dies!”
Fair enough. And that is the story of Old Man’s War .
“Can I read it when I’m older?”
Of course you can. Now, what does the kitty say?
“Meow.”
What does the duck say?
“Quack quack.”
And what does the chicken say?
“Sizzle.”
That’s right.
“Good night, Daddy. I love you.”
I love you too, sweetheart. Good night.
THE MAKING OF THE UNICORN PEGASUS KITTEN ART: A TRANSCRIPT OF AN INTERVIEW WITH JOHN SCALZI
Q:Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule,
Mr. Scalzi.
John Scalzi: Not at all. Happy to share the story of this magnificent work of art.
Q: It is magnificent, isn’t it?
Scalzi:It really is. I think we can say without reservation that it is the best picture featuring an orc, an actor and a unicorn pegasus kitten, ever.
Q: So how did this all come about?
Scalzi: Well, early in the year I knew I wanted to do something special to help raise money for Lupus research, and after some thought, I had the idea which roughly conforms to the picture as you see it today. Artist Jeff Zugale had done some work for me before, so I called him up to see if he had time to take the commission. He did, and then after that I got hold of Wil and asked him to take part, and of course he was quite enthusiastic. Jeff and Wil both live in the Los Angeles area, so at that point the big logistical issue was getting both me and the unicorn pegasus kitten into Jeff’s studio for the posing.
Q: What was that again?
Scalzi: I said the real logistical issue was getting me and the unicorn pegasus kitten into the studio at the same time.
Q: So you’re saying this picture actually happened.
Scalzi: No, no, obviously not. I mean, it’s not as if Wil and the UPK and I were actually in a lava-strewn volcanic crevasse, preparing to do battle with each other. That’s just silly. That’s where Jeff and his potent imagination comes in. We are all in a studio, posing.
Q:I think the thing I’m trying to wrap my brain around is that you appear to be saying unicorn pegasus kittens exist.
Scalzi: Of course they do.
Q: I don’t think their existence is common knowledge.
Scalzi: Well, they’re not native to the Americas, which I think may be the source of your confusion.
Q: Where are they native, out of curiosity?
Scalzi: The northeast part of the Irkutsk Oblast. Which, as you can probably tell by
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