indirectly they offer some salacious thrill for the kids. But you should know those blue shorts have historical military significance.
Q:I don’t know this, to tell you the truth.
Scalzi: You went to high school, right?
Q:I have some memory of it, yes.
Scalzi: Then in your world history class you should have learned that in 1263, Alghu Khan, the great-grandson of Genghis Kahn, declared war on Kaidu, his rival for control of the Chagatai Khanate.
Q: Yes, that’s pretty much the only thing I remember from world history.
Scalzi: Then you’ll also remember that to defend himself from Alghu Khan, Kaidu allied himself with Berke, Khan of the Blue Horde, who give him an army. An army which included a cavalry of warriors so fearsome that they went into battle clad only in small, tight blue pants. Because that’s just how badass they were. Now, as it turns out, Wil is very distantly related to Kaidu, so when we put him astride the unicorn pegasus kitten with a spear in his hand, he felt the hot blue pants would be an appropriate tribute to his warlike ancestor and the cavalry he commanded.
Q: Of course, the clown sweater throws off the historical accuracy a bit.
Scalzi: We’re not doing a Ken Burns documentary here. We can afford a little room for creative interpretation.
Q: Like with you being an orc.
Scalzi: What do you mean?
Q: The portrayal of you as an orc. All green and scaly and ugly and, you know, orcish.
Scalzi: You don’t like me as an orc?
Q: I just think it looks like you lost a bet of some sort.
Scalzi:Really. Lost a bet, is it.
Q: No offense.
Scalzi: Well, offense taken, asshole. I’ll have you know I’m proud of my orc ancestry.
Q: I’m sorry. I didn’t know.
Scalzi:No, you didn’t know, did you. You thought just because I can superficially pass for a human, I must be human, and then you could make all your little bigoted orc jokes without consequence. Surprise, you dick. Probably everything you ever learned about orcs, you learned from Tolkien.
Q: Well…
Scalzi: That putz. Tolkien didn’t know any orcs. He never spent any time with orcs. And Oxford was—and still is, I’ll have you know—a hotbed of irrational anti-orc sentiment. Going to Tolkien for your orc history is like going to Shakespeare to learn the truth about Richard III. It’s all propaganda and lies. Anyway, lots of people these days are part orc. Famous people. And not just the ugly ones, or pro wrestlers. Angelina Jolie is part orc.
Q: Is she.
Scalzi: When she played Grendel’s mother in Beowulf , it was totally a shout-out to the Orc-American community.
Q: That might be stretching the interpretation of Grendel’s mother a bit.
Scalzi: How would you know? You know who one of the foremost Beowulf scholars was? Oh, yeah, that’s right—— Tolkien . That bastard’s been screwing us for decades. Maybe you don’t want to see a conspiracy here, but then again, you don’t have to, do you, Mr. Oh-We’re-All-Humans-Here.
Q: Look, I’m really sorry. I was thoughtless. I apologize.
Scalzi: Warren Buffett’s part orc.
Q: Seriously. Very sorry.
Scalzi: Rachel Ray , man.
Q: I believe you.
Scalzi: You better.
Q: Let’s get back to the artwork.
Scalzi: Yes, let’s .
Q: I have to know, once the posing session was done, what happened to the unicorn pegasus kitten?
Scalzi: Well, it’s funny you should ask that. It was difficult enough getting the thing into the US, but once it was here, the middleman I used refused to ship it back. Said that now that it’s been exposed to US germs, taking it back to Irkutsk introduces a risk to the other UPKs. It could come back with a new strain of feline distemper, hoof and mouth disease or avian flu and just decimate the native population. So now it’s stuck here.
Q: It’s still here, then?
Scalzi: Yes. Wil put it up for a while, but the suburbs really aren’t the place of a unicorn pegasus
Q:I don’t know this, to tell you the truth.
Scalzi: You went to high school, right?
Q:I have some memory of it, yes.
Scalzi: Then in your world history class you should have learned that in 1263, Alghu Khan, the great-grandson of Genghis Kahn, declared war on Kaidu, his rival for control of the Chagatai Khanate.
Q: Yes, that’s pretty much the only thing I remember from world history.
Scalzi: Then you’ll also remember that to defend himself from Alghu Khan, Kaidu allied himself with Berke, Khan of the Blue Horde, who give him an army. An army which included a cavalry of warriors so fearsome that they went into battle clad only in small, tight blue pants. Because that’s just how badass they were. Now, as it turns out, Wil is very distantly related to Kaidu, so when we put him astride the unicorn pegasus kitten with a spear in his hand, he felt the hot blue pants would be an appropriate tribute to his warlike ancestor and the cavalry he commanded.
Q: Of course, the clown sweater throws off the historical accuracy a bit.
Scalzi: We’re not doing a Ken Burns documentary here. We can afford a little room for creative interpretation.
Q: Like with you being an orc.
Scalzi: What do you mean?
Q: The portrayal of you as an orc. All green and scaly and ugly and, you know, orcish.
Scalzi: You don’t like me as an orc?
Q: I just think it looks like you lost a bet of some sort.
Scalzi:Really. Lost a bet, is it.
Q: No offense.
Scalzi: Well, offense taken, asshole. I’ll have you know I’m proud of my orc ancestry.
Q: I’m sorry. I didn’t know.
Scalzi:No, you didn’t know, did you. You thought just because I can superficially pass for a human, I must be human, and then you could make all your little bigoted orc jokes without consequence. Surprise, you dick. Probably everything you ever learned about orcs, you learned from Tolkien.
Q: Well…
Scalzi: That putz. Tolkien didn’t know any orcs. He never spent any time with orcs. And Oxford was—and still is, I’ll have you know—a hotbed of irrational anti-orc sentiment. Going to Tolkien for your orc history is like going to Shakespeare to learn the truth about Richard III. It’s all propaganda and lies. Anyway, lots of people these days are part orc. Famous people. And not just the ugly ones, or pro wrestlers. Angelina Jolie is part orc.
Q: Is she.
Scalzi: When she played Grendel’s mother in Beowulf , it was totally a shout-out to the Orc-American community.
Q: That might be stretching the interpretation of Grendel’s mother a bit.
Scalzi: How would you know? You know who one of the foremost Beowulf scholars was? Oh, yeah, that’s right—— Tolkien . That bastard’s been screwing us for decades. Maybe you don’t want to see a conspiracy here, but then again, you don’t have to, do you, Mr. Oh-We’re-All-Humans-Here.
Q: Look, I’m really sorry. I was thoughtless. I apologize.
Scalzi: Warren Buffett’s part orc.
Q: Seriously. Very sorry.
Scalzi: Rachel Ray , man.
Q: I believe you.
Scalzi: You better.
Q: Let’s get back to the artwork.
Scalzi: Yes, let’s .
Q: I have to know, once the posing session was done, what happened to the unicorn pegasus kitten?
Scalzi: Well, it’s funny you should ask that. It was difficult enough getting the thing into the US, but once it was here, the middleman I used refused to ship it back. Said that now that it’s been exposed to US germs, taking it back to Irkutsk introduces a risk to the other UPKs. It could come back with a new strain of feline distemper, hoof and mouth disease or avian flu and just decimate the native population. So now it’s stuck here.
Q: It’s still here, then?
Scalzi: Yes. Wil put it up for a while, but the suburbs really aren’t the place of a unicorn pegasus
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