Culture War by Walter Knight

outside. Then a car in the parking lot
exploded, blowing out the tavern’s front windows. The commando
opened fire on the crowd of bikers with his Uzi, littering the
floor with bodies. Mr. Kennworth grabbed Dawn and Willie, and they
escaped through all the dust, carnage, and confusion.
     
    * * * * *
     
    “ The Feds arrested Private
Krueger for drugs?” I asked. “When do we get him back?”
    “ I don’t know,” said
Sergeant Green. “That’s why I’m talking to you, sir. I was hoping
you could find out. They took Dawn, too.”
    “ Now, that I can believe,”
I said. “Where did the Feds take them?”
    “ I don’t know that either,”
said Sergeant Green. “According to witnesses at the Angry Onion, it
was DEA. I heard they resisted arrest. The Sheriff’s Office is
still investigating exactly what happened.”
    “ That doesn’t surprise me
at all,” I said. “Okay, I’ll call the DEA, or whoever, and find out
about Private Krueger. We’ll get him back eventually. The good news
is, that damn wedding is off. Thanks.”
    I called the DEA, FBI, the Sheriff’s Office,
and General Daly. No one knew who arrested Private Krueger and
Dawn, or where they were taken.
     
    back to top
     
     
     
     
    Chapter 7
     
    Dawn and Willie were smuggled across the MDL
in a trailer full of oranges. Once inside the Anthropodan Empire,
they were taken to the spider commander of New Gobi Desert
Sector.
    “ You are here for marriage
counseling,” said the spider commander. “You will not be harmed.
Consider yourselves to be my guests.”
    “ You are not DEA?” asked
Private Krueger. “What a relief. I thought we were going to prison
forever.”
    “ We already got
counseling,” complained Dawn.
    “ You are being held by
order of the Governor of the North Territory,” said the spider
commander. “You will stay here until such time as your sanity
returns and you cancel your hasty plans to get married.”
    “ It is you who is insane,”
said Dawn. “You have no right to kidnap us! We are citizens of the
United States Galactic Federation!”
    “ I have every right to
detain you for your own well being,” replied the spider commander.
“By right of species, you will always hold and enjoy dual
citizenship in the Arthropodan Empire. With that citizenship comes
certain responsibilities to the Empire. It is in the best interests
of the Empire that your planned marriage to this human pestilence
does not happen. That gives me the right and duty to hold you both
indefinitely.”
    “ You can’t get more twisted
logic than that!” screamed Dawn. “I will not change my mind about
marrying Willie. I love him now more than ever!” Dawn wrapped four
arms around Private Krueger and kissed him passionately. Mr.
Kennworth had taken five knives off Dawn when she was searched. He
missed a sixth knife that was hidden in a place too embarrassing
for the Teamster thug to find. Dawn gave thought to stabbing the
commander, but did not want to risk harm to Willie. She would wait
for a better opportunity.
    “ You both are too young to
know the meaning of love or the importance of restraint,” commented
the spider commander. “You just live for the moment without any
regard to consequences or duty. If necessary, you will be taken off
this planet to Arthropoda for deprogramming.”
    “ You can’t brainwash me!”
yelled Dawn. “You are immoral!”
    “ You have already been
brainwashed by decadent American TV and music,” said the spider
commander. “Your seduction was so gradual and insidious, you never
even noticed the change in your personality, but look at the net
result.”
    “ I am an American citizen,”
said Dawn. “The Legion will cross the galaxy to get me back. Willie
is a legionnaire. What do you think the Legion’s reaction will be
to his abduction?”
    “ You are a spider,” said
the commander. “The Legion hates you. The Legion hates our species,
culture, and traditions.”
    “ That is not true,” said
Dawn.