Cure for the Common Universe by Christian McKay Heidicker

don’t want to talk about video games today.”
    â€œSounds good to me,” Fezzik said. “What would you like to talk about?”
    Aurora tucked the other side of her hair behind an ear. “It’s pleasant not to stare at a computer screen anymore. I . . . see things. Like, flies are adorable. Have you noticed? They clean themselves like kittens.” She mimicked the action. “They lick their legs and then wipe off their big spotty eyes. It’s amazing. Their proboscises are like tiny little gummy straws . . .”
    Her voice was so floaty, it went straight in one ear and out the other. I studied the Nest’s half wall, which had beentagged with video game references, some of which had been painted over. Through the paint, I could still see the silhouette of a Super Mario question mark block and the Triforce from Zelda , but “the cake is a lie” and “praise the sun” hadn’t been painted over at all. I wondered if G-man eliminated obvious references but thought the last two were about healthy eating and outdoor fitness.
    â€œI could watch flies for hours,” Aurora said.
    Meeki pointed at me again. “She has a boyfriend.”
    Again I scowled. Why was this girl such an asshole?
    â€œSoup?” Fezzik said.
    The squirrely kid fidgeted in the chair next to me, eager to tell his story. He seemed so genuinely wholesome, I was surprised he didn’t have a flower bud growing out of the top of his head.
    â€œI’m Soup, and I’m a first tier,” he said, way too close to my face. “My stepbrother got me into video games. He liked scary stuff like The Last of Us and Dark Souls , except I didn’t, ’cause they’re too scary, but I like all video games, so it didn’t really matter. I used to have to do things for him so that he’d let me watch him play, like get him drinks or take off his shoes and stuff, but then he died, and then I could play as much video games as I wanted.”
    Before my heart even had a chance to flutter, Soup continued. “ I like the 3DS. I like Harvest Moon and Animal Crossing , but my favorite is Nintendogs ’cause my parents won’t let me have a real puppy.” Soup’s eyes shifted from happy to a sadglisten. “But then they said I didn’t play outside enough and they took my 3DS away . . . and they let my poodle, Minus, starve to death. You kinda look like my stepbrother.”
    Soup stared at me like I was supposed to say something to that. I opened my mouth, but then he perked up and jumped onto his knees.
    â€œMy favorite part of Video Horizons is all of it. It’s like one big Animal Crossing . That’s why even though I’ve been here for a month and a week, I’m still only a first tier. I don’t even want any points. I wish it was my first day. No, first minute! First second !”
    â€œHeel, Soup,” Fezzik said, chuckling.
    He hooked Soup’s shirt collar and pulled him back into his seat. I squinted away a headache. I’d been listening to the kid for two minutes and already felt like I’d had too many energy drinks.
    â€œMiles,” Fezzik said, “remember these faces. Your guildmates will help you earn points so you can return to the outside world where your real adventure will begin.”
    I did look at their faces: Meeki, Aurora, Soup, and the electric warlock, whose head still hadn’t left his hands. Hell, my dad thought I had a problem? I never ate so much that I couldn’t leave the house, or cracked a family member in the skull with a Wiimote, or bemoaned the death of a digital dog more than a real human being. The only thing I was guilty of was being turned down by girls too many times and not wanting to spend time with my shitty stepmom or controlling father.
    I might have played more video games than most, but atleast I’d had a good reason. Unfortunately, that was probably