razz. This is behaviour with which, despite my advanced age, I am sadly all too familiar.’
She then held up her precious new moby. ‘So this is my third iPhone and I’m definitely now into “three strikes and you’re out” territory. If I lose this one, drop it or have it stolen, that’s it … I’m toast . I’d need to shell out between five and six hundred pounds, which I obviously don’t have, for a new one. That’s why I’ve bought a ten pound throw down phone, for use on nights out, and I’ve got all the latest tracking software installed and enabled on the iPhone, just in case.’
‘How does that work?’
‘Well if the phone is switched on, and there’s a good strong signal, its location can be plotted pretty accurately using a laptop with the same programme installed. If the phone is still just in range of a base station, but with a much weaker signal, the accuracy of the software drops off big time, but it does still give you a rough idea of where the phone is.’
‘Very impressive, but what if the battery’s dead, or the phone’s switched off?’
‘You’re really struggling then, but you can check where the last call or text was made or received, so that could still be useful. It would at least point you in the right direction, you know, to start looking for it.’
‘It’s all very clever, Annie. Although to be honest, it’s not really a major concern for me, with my old phone. A couple of months ago I actually dropped it in the gutter outside the Royal Bar, just after closing time, when I was slightly tired and emotional. And, amazingly, it was still lying there in full view the next day, when I came back at lunchtime. Okay, some passing joker had taken a picture of his knob with the camera, but other than that it was still good to go after I gave it a good wipe. Oh, while I remember, you must show me how to get rid of that picture, because the idiot saved it to the start-up screen. I keep getting funny looks from people sitting next to me on the bus, you know, when I take the phone out to check for any missed calls. Mostly they change seats quite quickly, but there has been the odd one who edged up a bit closer.’
Annie ignored Jack’s ramblings about his old clunker phone and continued to enthusiastically explain the innovations at the other end of the mobile phone spectrum. ‘Some parents install this kind of stuff on their kids’ phones, so they know where they are when they go out at night with their friends, and I actually have a couple of girlfriends who have sneaked the same type of software onto their boyfriends’ mobiles, without them knowing about it, so they can keep an eye on what they get up to. I don’t like that, personally. It’s way too creepy. I mean, there’s got to be some sort of basic trust in a relationship, don’t you think?’
‘You’re right, but we might be able to use this technology, the next time we’re working on a missing person case.’
Now thoroughly briefed on the latest developments in mobile telephony, Jack was determined not to be seen as a complete Luddite and said, ‘I’ve got one of those little DAB radios, you know, at home. Most nights I can get The Archers and the football results clear as a bell, if I stand on the wardrobe holding the aerial above my head.’He then proudly pointed towards a small electric grill on a shelf. ‘Okay then, Annie, I’m prepared to concede that your iPhone and that little MacBook thingy are very impressive. But when it comes to my critical test for a gadget … can it knock up a good bacon and sausage toastie, like my trusty George Formby? I don’t think so. This one’s the classic Lean Mean Fat Grilling Machine . I don’t think they make this exact model any more, but I can tell you it’s been a real life saver for a man alone.’
It was Annie’s turn to be puzzled. ‘So, who’s George Formby?’
‘It would take too long to explain,’ said Jack, feeling really old again. ‘Do you want a
She then held up her precious new moby. ‘So this is my third iPhone and I’m definitely now into “three strikes and you’re out” territory. If I lose this one, drop it or have it stolen, that’s it … I’m toast . I’d need to shell out between five and six hundred pounds, which I obviously don’t have, for a new one. That’s why I’ve bought a ten pound throw down phone, for use on nights out, and I’ve got all the latest tracking software installed and enabled on the iPhone, just in case.’
‘How does that work?’
‘Well if the phone is switched on, and there’s a good strong signal, its location can be plotted pretty accurately using a laptop with the same programme installed. If the phone is still just in range of a base station, but with a much weaker signal, the accuracy of the software drops off big time, but it does still give you a rough idea of where the phone is.’
‘Very impressive, but what if the battery’s dead, or the phone’s switched off?’
‘You’re really struggling then, but you can check where the last call or text was made or received, so that could still be useful. It would at least point you in the right direction, you know, to start looking for it.’
‘It’s all very clever, Annie. Although to be honest, it’s not really a major concern for me, with my old phone. A couple of months ago I actually dropped it in the gutter outside the Royal Bar, just after closing time, when I was slightly tired and emotional. And, amazingly, it was still lying there in full view the next day, when I came back at lunchtime. Okay, some passing joker had taken a picture of his knob with the camera, but other than that it was still good to go after I gave it a good wipe. Oh, while I remember, you must show me how to get rid of that picture, because the idiot saved it to the start-up screen. I keep getting funny looks from people sitting next to me on the bus, you know, when I take the phone out to check for any missed calls. Mostly they change seats quite quickly, but there has been the odd one who edged up a bit closer.’
Annie ignored Jack’s ramblings about his old clunker phone and continued to enthusiastically explain the innovations at the other end of the mobile phone spectrum. ‘Some parents install this kind of stuff on their kids’ phones, so they know where they are when they go out at night with their friends, and I actually have a couple of girlfriends who have sneaked the same type of software onto their boyfriends’ mobiles, without them knowing about it, so they can keep an eye on what they get up to. I don’t like that, personally. It’s way too creepy. I mean, there’s got to be some sort of basic trust in a relationship, don’t you think?’
‘You’re right, but we might be able to use this technology, the next time we’re working on a missing person case.’
Now thoroughly briefed on the latest developments in mobile telephony, Jack was determined not to be seen as a complete Luddite and said, ‘I’ve got one of those little DAB radios, you know, at home. Most nights I can get The Archers and the football results clear as a bell, if I stand on the wardrobe holding the aerial above my head.’He then proudly pointed towards a small electric grill on a shelf. ‘Okay then, Annie, I’m prepared to concede that your iPhone and that little MacBook thingy are very impressive. But when it comes to my critical test for a gadget … can it knock up a good bacon and sausage toastie, like my trusty George Formby? I don’t think so. This one’s the classic Lean Mean Fat Grilling Machine . I don’t think they make this exact model any more, but I can tell you it’s been a real life saver for a man alone.’
It was Annie’s turn to be puzzled. ‘So, who’s George Formby?’
‘It would take too long to explain,’ said Jack, feeling really old again. ‘Do you want a
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