and emotional—God knows that fifty-year-old cheerleader routine is grating on my very last nerve. Well, maybe not my very last nerve. I do believe that red pulsing nodule of agitation is reserved for the boy standing before me licking his lips like I just morphed into a USDA choice cut of prime.
Lynette jumps from foot to foot clapping and whooping. “Duncan, welcome to the family! We’re so very glad to have you.”
Rex and I exchange a curious glace. Who the hell is she to welcome anyone to my family? I study Rex for a moment who seems just as ticked at his dear old mom as I am.
“And Sabrina ”—she stretches out my sister’s name painfully, psychotically slow—“I would be honored to shop for bridal gowns with you. I think a girls’ trip to NYC is in our future!” Trixy claps up a storm as if she approves of the Big Apple bridal stomp. And who the hell says N-Y-C? Which funny farm did my father pluck this woman out of? “Of course, we can’t forget our Batter Bits.” Her emotions temper at the drop of a hat. Lynette turns her attention to me, thus directing the remainder of the room to do the same. “I think everyone in this house can learn something from a young lady of such distinctive upstanding virtue.” Dad wraps his arm around her shoulder, his tearful gaze never leaving mine. Dear God, is that pride in his eyes? Sadly, I don’t recall a single moment in my life that my father has looked so distinctly proud of me. Who knew keeping my knees shut would bring such glory? My face burns like fire, and I wish to God I would combust to put me out of this awkward virginal dilemma.
Lynette cocks her head in an effort to continue. “Scarlett Amethyst Kent is a testament—”
“Amaryllis,” Dad gently corrects while lovingly patting her hand, and now I’m not sure what has me embroiled in silent rage more at the moment—my spontaneous confessional or the fact my father insists on treating this woman as if she actually means something to him.
“Amaryllis?” Rex huffs a dull laugh, butting his shoulder into mine, and I swiftly take a step away.
Lynette clears her throat, tears sparkling in her eyes. “I’m just so proud of our baby girl.” She looks to my father, and they share a brief kiss.
Our baby girl? This woman needs to be committed, and fast.
Rex leans in. “This is getting weird,” he whispers. “You want to start throwing knives and shit? I think maybe we should have that horrible breakup now, liven up the mood.”
I glance to my sister, and she’s still beaming that same smug grin of satisfaction ever since she officially claimed my ex as her own. As if I give a rat’s ass. My stomach does a quick revolution as I spot their conjoined hands.
“We’re not breaking up,” I whisper.
“ What ?” Rex steps in, allowing his chest to warm my back, and my heart thumps straight into my ears.
Dad presses a kiss to the top of Lynette’s head. God, if I see him pawing at her, swapping spit with her one more time, I might just throw knives at random just to lessen the pain for everyone involved.
“Lynette and I have a special announcement of our own.”
Here it goes. I bet she talked him into selling Kent, billed it as retirement, and now our family will be thrust into financial ruins. Sabrina, Lawson, and I will have to team up just to boot her off Kent Island.
Dad grins at Lawson, my sister, and then me. I knew it. This is proprietary to our family, and the Toberman tribe is listening in where they don’t belong. “Knox, Trixy, Rex.” My father looks to them each in turn. Ha! He’s going to boot them right out on their matching pointy ears. “I’ve asked your mother for the privilege of her hand in marriage, and she said yes.”
“What?” Rex and I cry at the same time.
The room breaks out into an odd mixture of shock and awe.
“We’re going to be one big happy family!” Lynette shouts while pulling Sabrina and Duncan in an awkward tangle of limbs. “Group hug,
Lynette jumps from foot to foot clapping and whooping. “Duncan, welcome to the family! We’re so very glad to have you.”
Rex and I exchange a curious glace. Who the hell is she to welcome anyone to my family? I study Rex for a moment who seems just as ticked at his dear old mom as I am.
“And Sabrina ”—she stretches out my sister’s name painfully, psychotically slow—“I would be honored to shop for bridal gowns with you. I think a girls’ trip to NYC is in our future!” Trixy claps up a storm as if she approves of the Big Apple bridal stomp. And who the hell says N-Y-C? Which funny farm did my father pluck this woman out of? “Of course, we can’t forget our Batter Bits.” Her emotions temper at the drop of a hat. Lynette turns her attention to me, thus directing the remainder of the room to do the same. “I think everyone in this house can learn something from a young lady of such distinctive upstanding virtue.” Dad wraps his arm around her shoulder, his tearful gaze never leaving mine. Dear God, is that pride in his eyes? Sadly, I don’t recall a single moment in my life that my father has looked so distinctly proud of me. Who knew keeping my knees shut would bring such glory? My face burns like fire, and I wish to God I would combust to put me out of this awkward virginal dilemma.
Lynette cocks her head in an effort to continue. “Scarlett Amethyst Kent is a testament—”
“Amaryllis,” Dad gently corrects while lovingly patting her hand, and now I’m not sure what has me embroiled in silent rage more at the moment—my spontaneous confessional or the fact my father insists on treating this woman as if she actually means something to him.
“Amaryllis?” Rex huffs a dull laugh, butting his shoulder into mine, and I swiftly take a step away.
Lynette clears her throat, tears sparkling in her eyes. “I’m just so proud of our baby girl.” She looks to my father, and they share a brief kiss.
Our baby girl? This woman needs to be committed, and fast.
Rex leans in. “This is getting weird,” he whispers. “You want to start throwing knives and shit? I think maybe we should have that horrible breakup now, liven up the mood.”
I glance to my sister, and she’s still beaming that same smug grin of satisfaction ever since she officially claimed my ex as her own. As if I give a rat’s ass. My stomach does a quick revolution as I spot their conjoined hands.
“We’re not breaking up,” I whisper.
“ What ?” Rex steps in, allowing his chest to warm my back, and my heart thumps straight into my ears.
Dad presses a kiss to the top of Lynette’s head. God, if I see him pawing at her, swapping spit with her one more time, I might just throw knives at random just to lessen the pain for everyone involved.
“Lynette and I have a special announcement of our own.”
Here it goes. I bet she talked him into selling Kent, billed it as retirement, and now our family will be thrust into financial ruins. Sabrina, Lawson, and I will have to team up just to boot her off Kent Island.
Dad grins at Lawson, my sister, and then me. I knew it. This is proprietary to our family, and the Toberman tribe is listening in where they don’t belong. “Knox, Trixy, Rex.” My father looks to them each in turn. Ha! He’s going to boot them right out on their matching pointy ears. “I’ve asked your mother for the privilege of her hand in marriage, and she said yes.”
“What?” Rex and I cry at the same time.
The room breaks out into an odd mixture of shock and awe.
“We’re going to be one big happy family!” Lynette shouts while pulling Sabrina and Duncan in an awkward tangle of limbs. “Group hug,
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