you,”shesaid,huggingmeonelasttime.“That'swhatMattywouldwant.
Weloveyoutoo,Ruby.”
Itriedtoreturnhersentiment,butitcameoutsostrainedand strangledthatI'mnotsuresheunderstood.Ididn'tstickaroundlong enoughtofindout,turningtofleetheinstantsheletmego.Ittookonly secondstobreakthroughtheentrancegatesoutontothesidewalkinmy stockingedfeet.MomentarilyforgettingwhereIhadparked,Iscanned thestreetfortheTT,whichwasvirtuallyuselessgiventhedensityofthe sleetfallingrapidlyaroundme.
OnceIdeterminedwhereIneededtogo,Icontinuedrunningdown thestreettomycar.Ineededtogetoutofthecold,outoftheelements, andawayfromMatty'sfamilybeforetheycouldunknowinglyinflictany morepain.
Therewerefewcarsontheroadgiventheconditions,soIranalong theparkedcars,hopingtomakeiteasiertospotmyown.AsInearedthe TT,Isawamanleaningagainstacarjustacrossthestreetfromme.He stoodstoically,staringatme.Ithoughtmydaycouldn'thavegottenany worse,but,onceagain,theUniversehadmynumber.
Seanmovedtocrossthestreet,andIscreamedasoundsodesperate andpainedthattheloud,shrillnoiserangoutthroughtheneighborhood.
Hefrozeinplace,juststaringatme,hisfaceexpressionlessfromwhat littleIcouldsee.Myoutbursthadn'tbeenforhim;itwasforme―a cleansingofeverythingI'dpentupthatday.WhateverfateSeanheldfor me,Icouldn'tfaceit.Notthen.
Hesaidnothing,juststoodbyhiscar,motionless.Asmoretearsran downmyface,camouflagedbythefallingsleet,Ishookmyhead'no'at himslowly,thenturnedandrantherestofthewaytomycar.Igotin withoutlookingbackanddroveoffasquicklyastheweatherwould permit.
Mybodywasnumb,eitherfromthecoldorthefearandemotion thatoverwhelmedme.Ifoughthardagainstmygrowingrigiditytokeep thecarontheroad.Butregardlessofwhatcausedtheicyfeelingcoursing throughmyveinsandtheparalyzingsensationovertakingme,Iwasvery clearononething.
ThatwasnotthehomecomingwithSeanI'dhopedfor.
7
IttookmethreehourstodrivebacktoPortsmouthinthedeteriorating weather.Duringthattime,NewEnglandhadamassedeightinchesof snowandcounting.TheTTmayhavehadappropriatetires,butthanksto thelayeroficealreadyontheroad,shedidn'tfareaswellasIwouldhave liked.JustoutsideofSeabrook,NH,onI-95North,Ifoundmyselfdoing donutsinthecenteroftheroad,prayingthatIwouldn'thitanyofthecars aroundme.Makingitthroughthatordealunharmedwasablessing,butI stillhadseveralmilestogo,andIfoundmyselfwhite-knucklingthe wheeltherestoftheway.Mydistressoverthefuneral,aswellasseeing Sean,hadtotakeabackseattothedrivingcrisisathand.
Iheardmyphonevibratinginmypursebesideme,butdidn'tdare reachforit.WhoeveritwascouldwaituntilIwassafelyhome,inone piece.ItwasmostlikelyCoopercheckingtomakesureIhadn'tcauseda twentycarpile-uponthefreeway;theironywasthatIalmostdid.
IwasrelievedwhenIpulleduptomyhome,wantingtojustleave theTToutfrontandmakemywayinsideasquicklyaspossible,but parkingonthestreetwasnotanoption,soImanagedmywaydownthe sidealleywayandleftmycarinthesecludedparkinglotthatwashidden betweentwootherbuildings.IknewIwouldbeplowedin,butwhereto leaveyourcarinaNewEnglandstormwasalwaysthemilliondollar questionforthosewholivedintown,andImadedowithwhatIcould.I wasn'texactlyinahurrytogoanywhere.
Aftercrammingmybatteredfeetbackintomystilettos,Iwobbled mywaytothemainentranceofmybuilding,usingthebrickfaçadefor stability.Onceinside,Itookadeepbreath,leaningagainstthedoorfor support.Ithadbeenalong,tryingday,andIwassothankfulitwasover.
AllIwantedtodowascleanmyselfup,climbintosomewarmjammies, andcurluponthecouch.Withthatplaninmind,Iworkedmywayupthe stairstomyapartment.
ThesoundofmyclickingheelsalertedCoopertomyarrival,andhe swungthedooropenabruptly,lookingtheslightestbitfrazzled.
“Jesus,Ruby.Whathappenedtoyou?Areyouokay?”heasked, eyeingmyunkemptappearance.
“Longstory,Coop.It'sbeenaroughday,”Isaid,draggingmy wearybodyintothehouse.
Heflashedalookofacknowledgment,rememberingwhyI'dbeen goneinthefirstplace.Heusheredmetothecouch,hisarmaroundmy shoulders,andhelpedmesitdown.
“Howwasit?”heaskedsoftly,takingmyhandsinhis.Iwinced slightlywhenhebrushedacutthatwasbarelyscabbingover.Hefrowned
Weloveyoutoo,Ruby.”
Itriedtoreturnhersentiment,butitcameoutsostrainedand strangledthatI'mnotsuresheunderstood.Ididn'tstickaroundlong enoughtofindout,turningtofleetheinstantsheletmego.Ittookonly secondstobreakthroughtheentrancegatesoutontothesidewalkinmy stockingedfeet.MomentarilyforgettingwhereIhadparked,Iscanned thestreetfortheTT,whichwasvirtuallyuselessgiventhedensityofthe sleetfallingrapidlyaroundme.
OnceIdeterminedwhereIneededtogo,Icontinuedrunningdown thestreettomycar.Ineededtogetoutofthecold,outoftheelements, andawayfromMatty'sfamilybeforetheycouldunknowinglyinflictany morepain.
Therewerefewcarsontheroadgiventheconditions,soIranalong theparkedcars,hopingtomakeiteasiertospotmyown.AsInearedthe TT,Isawamanleaningagainstacarjustacrossthestreetfromme.He stoodstoically,staringatme.Ithoughtmydaycouldn'thavegottenany worse,but,onceagain,theUniversehadmynumber.
Seanmovedtocrossthestreet,andIscreamedasoundsodesperate andpainedthattheloud,shrillnoiserangoutthroughtheneighborhood.
Hefrozeinplace,juststaringatme,hisfaceexpressionlessfromwhat littleIcouldsee.Myoutbursthadn'tbeenforhim;itwasforme―a cleansingofeverythingI'dpentupthatday.WhateverfateSeanheldfor me,Icouldn'tfaceit.Notthen.
Hesaidnothing,juststoodbyhiscar,motionless.Asmoretearsran downmyface,camouflagedbythefallingsleet,Ishookmyhead'no'at himslowly,thenturnedandrantherestofthewaytomycar.Igotin withoutlookingbackanddroveoffasquicklyastheweatherwould permit.
Mybodywasnumb,eitherfromthecoldorthefearandemotion thatoverwhelmedme.Ifoughthardagainstmygrowingrigiditytokeep thecarontheroad.Butregardlessofwhatcausedtheicyfeelingcoursing throughmyveinsandtheparalyzingsensationovertakingme,Iwasvery clearononething.
ThatwasnotthehomecomingwithSeanI'dhopedfor.
7
IttookmethreehourstodrivebacktoPortsmouthinthedeteriorating weather.Duringthattime,NewEnglandhadamassedeightinchesof snowandcounting.TheTTmayhavehadappropriatetires,butthanksto thelayeroficealreadyontheroad,shedidn'tfareaswellasIwouldhave liked.JustoutsideofSeabrook,NH,onI-95North,Ifoundmyselfdoing donutsinthecenteroftheroad,prayingthatIwouldn'thitanyofthecars aroundme.Makingitthroughthatordealunharmedwasablessing,butI stillhadseveralmilestogo,andIfoundmyselfwhite-knucklingthe wheeltherestoftheway.Mydistressoverthefuneral,aswellasseeing Sean,hadtotakeabackseattothedrivingcrisisathand.
Iheardmyphonevibratinginmypursebesideme,butdidn'tdare reachforit.WhoeveritwascouldwaituntilIwassafelyhome,inone piece.ItwasmostlikelyCoopercheckingtomakesureIhadn'tcauseda twentycarpile-uponthefreeway;theironywasthatIalmostdid.
IwasrelievedwhenIpulleduptomyhome,wantingtojustleave theTToutfrontandmakemywayinsideasquicklyaspossible,but parkingonthestreetwasnotanoption,soImanagedmywaydownthe sidealleywayandleftmycarinthesecludedparkinglotthatwashidden betweentwootherbuildings.IknewIwouldbeplowedin,butwhereto leaveyourcarinaNewEnglandstormwasalwaysthemilliondollar questionforthosewholivedintown,andImadedowithwhatIcould.I wasn'texactlyinahurrytogoanywhere.
Aftercrammingmybatteredfeetbackintomystilettos,Iwobbled mywaytothemainentranceofmybuilding,usingthebrickfaçadefor stability.Onceinside,Itookadeepbreath,leaningagainstthedoorfor support.Ithadbeenalong,tryingday,andIwassothankfulitwasover.
AllIwantedtodowascleanmyselfup,climbintosomewarmjammies, andcurluponthecouch.Withthatplaninmind,Iworkedmywayupthe stairstomyapartment.
ThesoundofmyclickingheelsalertedCoopertomyarrival,andhe swungthedooropenabruptly,lookingtheslightestbitfrazzled.
“Jesus,Ruby.Whathappenedtoyou?Areyouokay?”heasked, eyeingmyunkemptappearance.
“Longstory,Coop.It'sbeenaroughday,”Isaid,draggingmy wearybodyintothehouse.
Heflashedalookofacknowledgment,rememberingwhyI'dbeen goneinthefirstplace.Heusheredmetothecouch,hisarmaroundmy shoulders,andhelpedmesitdown.
“Howwasit?”heaskedsoftly,takingmyhandsinhis.Iwinced slightlywhenhebrushedacutthatwasbarelyscabbingover.Hefrowned
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