meds or just hiding them under your tongue?” “I hear you’ve been hanging out with the boys at lunchtime.”
That set me off. “Of course I sit with the boys at lunch. There’s only one other girl here. Am I supposed to sit alone?” He smiled a little, as if he liked seeing me get mad. I hate having to talk to him. I’d rather be in Group, as lame as it is. Matt O. usually whispers sarcastic comments to me under his breath. Victor always sits next to me, which makes me feel kind of good. Even Phil/Shaggy’s pervy arson talk would be better than sitting with this cartoon of a psychiatrist trying to bullshit “feelings” out of me. Why should I tell him anything anyway? It was a therapist who told my parents to put me here in the first place, and she was way more screwed up than I am with her sex “theories.”
At that moment I almost wanted to go home.
“When do I get to talk to my parents?” I glared at him.
“Later this week.” He said he didn’t have any more details, and the rest of the session was spent in silence. I’m sure he wanted me to grandly emote, but if he was waiting for me to
have a revelation, that wasn’t going to happen today. What does he care? Don’t shrinks get paid a shitload of money whether I talk or not?
I have yet to get any mail or phone calls, and I’m curious to know what’s going on in the outside world. Before Sparkle gets off her shift in the morning, she slides the newspaper under my door. It’s always a day behind, but I only really read the comics and entertainment sections. Anything’s better than gagging on The Crucible. I found an article about dance movies, so I ripped out some pictures from Saturday Night Fever and Dirty Dancing to stick on my walls. They look a bit jagged, since we can’t even have safety scissors, but they brighten up the room a bit. Every room needs a little Patrick Swayze.
LATER MORNING
New girl on the floor! I don’t know when she came in—this morning or last night. I discovered her when Sandy and I accidentally had our bathroom door open at the same time that Tanya’s was, which is a total no-no because it could be construed as attempted socializing. We could see straight into her room, and there was the new girl lying in bed. It was no ordinary bed, even though she looked like an ordinary girl. It was a toddler’s bed, the kind with metal guards on each side so no one falls out. A man wearing a sweater with a tie underneath stood by her bed and took notes on a clipboard. Sandy and I stared until the man caught us and shut the door.
LUNCH
Lunch was a big, giant butt today. Justin wasn’t there because he had an appointment with his doctor, so I was stuck sitting next to Phil/Shaggy, who alternately discussed the sexy possibilities of the new girl and tried to grope my leg under the table. I was afraid I was going to get in trouble for the contact I made whilst kicking his shin with my heel.
I ate a bowl of Cap’n Crunch in memoriam of happier meals with Justin.
STUDY TIME
I was starting to feel a little claustrophobic in my room, so I stuck my two fingers out into the hallway to ask someone to open my windows. I had to wait the seven or eight minutes it took some oblivious desk worker to notice me, but finally someone came, unlocked the screens, and pushed open my windows. Aaaah—fresh air. Fresh, stanky, city air, but real air at least, not the recycled airplane air they have pumping through this place. Maybe if I sniff hard enough I can smell the cars of the future.
EVENING FREE TIME
La-dee-doo! Justin and I hung out the entire Free Time! Here’s how it happened: I was sitting by a speaker because someone finally decided to turn off the Full House reruns and put on the radio. I was starved for music. I didn’t care what station; I
didn’t care if it was Celine Dion belting out that sappy Titanic song. I just needed to hear music. There’s a terrible quiet here. Farting chairs, air conditioner hums, and the
That set me off. “Of course I sit with the boys at lunch. There’s only one other girl here. Am I supposed to sit alone?” He smiled a little, as if he liked seeing me get mad. I hate having to talk to him. I’d rather be in Group, as lame as it is. Matt O. usually whispers sarcastic comments to me under his breath. Victor always sits next to me, which makes me feel kind of good. Even Phil/Shaggy’s pervy arson talk would be better than sitting with this cartoon of a psychiatrist trying to bullshit “feelings” out of me. Why should I tell him anything anyway? It was a therapist who told my parents to put me here in the first place, and she was way more screwed up than I am with her sex “theories.”
At that moment I almost wanted to go home.
“When do I get to talk to my parents?” I glared at him.
“Later this week.” He said he didn’t have any more details, and the rest of the session was spent in silence. I’m sure he wanted me to grandly emote, but if he was waiting for me to
have a revelation, that wasn’t going to happen today. What does he care? Don’t shrinks get paid a shitload of money whether I talk or not?
I have yet to get any mail or phone calls, and I’m curious to know what’s going on in the outside world. Before Sparkle gets off her shift in the morning, she slides the newspaper under my door. It’s always a day behind, but I only really read the comics and entertainment sections. Anything’s better than gagging on The Crucible. I found an article about dance movies, so I ripped out some pictures from Saturday Night Fever and Dirty Dancing to stick on my walls. They look a bit jagged, since we can’t even have safety scissors, but they brighten up the room a bit. Every room needs a little Patrick Swayze.
LATER MORNING
New girl on the floor! I don’t know when she came in—this morning or last night. I discovered her when Sandy and I accidentally had our bathroom door open at the same time that Tanya’s was, which is a total no-no because it could be construed as attempted socializing. We could see straight into her room, and there was the new girl lying in bed. It was no ordinary bed, even though she looked like an ordinary girl. It was a toddler’s bed, the kind with metal guards on each side so no one falls out. A man wearing a sweater with a tie underneath stood by her bed and took notes on a clipboard. Sandy and I stared until the man caught us and shut the door.
LUNCH
Lunch was a big, giant butt today. Justin wasn’t there because he had an appointment with his doctor, so I was stuck sitting next to Phil/Shaggy, who alternately discussed the sexy possibilities of the new girl and tried to grope my leg under the table. I was afraid I was going to get in trouble for the contact I made whilst kicking his shin with my heel.
I ate a bowl of Cap’n Crunch in memoriam of happier meals with Justin.
STUDY TIME
I was starting to feel a little claustrophobic in my room, so I stuck my two fingers out into the hallway to ask someone to open my windows. I had to wait the seven or eight minutes it took some oblivious desk worker to notice me, but finally someone came, unlocked the screens, and pushed open my windows. Aaaah—fresh air. Fresh, stanky, city air, but real air at least, not the recycled airplane air they have pumping through this place. Maybe if I sniff hard enough I can smell the cars of the future.
EVENING FREE TIME
La-dee-doo! Justin and I hung out the entire Free Time! Here’s how it happened: I was sitting by a speaker because someone finally decided to turn off the Full House reruns and put on the radio. I was starved for music. I didn’t care what station; I
didn’t care if it was Celine Dion belting out that sappy Titanic song. I just needed to hear music. There’s a terrible quiet here. Farting chairs, air conditioner hums, and the
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