attention from someone in the mental health field. Seizures and Satan possession? That’s straight out of The Exorcist ! I’ll bet Abby’s in my therapy group. I can just picture it: Someone will be in the middle of some huge emotional breakthrough, and all of a sudden Abby starts puking up pea soup and jabbing herself with a crucifix (or perhaps one of Sean’s rosaries). I wonder if she’ll get a lot of points for that … .
I watched Justin as the table talked about Abby. His brow was
furrowed most of the time, but I did notice him roll his eyes when Luther said she was possessed by Satan. He is so cool. He’s not going to fall for any of those kids’ satanic shenanigans. I don’t know if he’s going to fall for me either (in the romantic way of falling, not that he won’t believe in my existence. I hope.). I also noticed that he was eating with his left hand. He kept his right hand in his lap, under the table. Curious.
POST-COMMUNITY (NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH POST–SHREDDED WHEAT)
I have good news and very bad news, and I don’t know which to tell you first. Just so you don’t worry, the bad news isn’t about me. I’ll tell you the good news first, but please read it in a somber tone.
At Community this morning I was totally trying to get up the nerve to stand up during Appreciation and say something about my big date (shut up) with Justin. When Eugene called “Appreciation,” I was about to unfart myself from the chair when Justin outfarted me. Of course, then it seemed too stupid for me to stand up and appreciate someone who was standing up, so I just stayed down. There was the usual bland round of Appreciations: “I appreciated the way you shook the ketchup.” “I appreciated you leaving the bathroom light on for me.” “I appreciate that you stopped using my deodorant.” When it was finally Justin’s turn, he looked straight at me with his luscious brown eyes and said, “Anna, I really appreciated talking about music with you last
night.” If my butt was burning up as much as my face was at that moment, I would have burnt a hole into my vinyl chair.
Now for the bad news: Sandy wasn’t in Community today because her doctor (who we have nicknamed Birdcage because he looks like one of those giant Muppet birds) had to meet with her. “What did he want to talk to you about?” I asked.
“It’s actually something I had to talk to him about. Um … I’m pregnant.”
At first I wondered, “Who was she having sex with at Lake Shit?” because she’s only been here a few days. But then it dawned on me that the impregnation actually occurred before she came to the hospital.
She was sitting on her bed crying when I opened our door, and I wanted to hug her so badly, but I hesitated because of the no-touching rule. I can’t believe that in the private space of our own room at such an important moment, I actually thought of that stupid rule. I’m brainwashed, I tell you. Then I said, “Screw it,” and sat down next to her with hugs.
“What are you going to do?” I asked her.
Wiping her eyes, Sandy said, “Derek [her guy] and I talked about this before. Lots of girls at our school have babies. There’s even a day care. We said if it ever happened that we’d have the baby.”
“Really? A baby?” I couldn’t imagine having sex, let alone having a baby. “Having a baby is a big responsibility. Not to mention how horrific birth sounds. Haven’t you seen that god-awful
movie in sex ed? Don’t tell me that’s a miracle. You sure you want to go through with that?”
“I guess. I mean, yeah. I’m already seventeen. Derek and I were gonna get married next year anyway. This way, there’s no way my parents could say no to us moving in together.”
Sandy looked out through the window screen pensively, her hand on her tummy. What a different life from mine. A boyfriend. Sex. Marriage. A baby? What about college? Does she know what she wants to do with her life? Or is this it? I didn’t
I watched Justin as the table talked about Abby. His brow was
furrowed most of the time, but I did notice him roll his eyes when Luther said she was possessed by Satan. He is so cool. He’s not going to fall for any of those kids’ satanic shenanigans. I don’t know if he’s going to fall for me either (in the romantic way of falling, not that he won’t believe in my existence. I hope.). I also noticed that he was eating with his left hand. He kept his right hand in his lap, under the table. Curious.
POST-COMMUNITY (NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH POST–SHREDDED WHEAT)
I have good news and very bad news, and I don’t know which to tell you first. Just so you don’t worry, the bad news isn’t about me. I’ll tell you the good news first, but please read it in a somber tone.
At Community this morning I was totally trying to get up the nerve to stand up during Appreciation and say something about my big date (shut up) with Justin. When Eugene called “Appreciation,” I was about to unfart myself from the chair when Justin outfarted me. Of course, then it seemed too stupid for me to stand up and appreciate someone who was standing up, so I just stayed down. There was the usual bland round of Appreciations: “I appreciated the way you shook the ketchup.” “I appreciated you leaving the bathroom light on for me.” “I appreciate that you stopped using my deodorant.” When it was finally Justin’s turn, he looked straight at me with his luscious brown eyes and said, “Anna, I really appreciated talking about music with you last
night.” If my butt was burning up as much as my face was at that moment, I would have burnt a hole into my vinyl chair.
Now for the bad news: Sandy wasn’t in Community today because her doctor (who we have nicknamed Birdcage because he looks like one of those giant Muppet birds) had to meet with her. “What did he want to talk to you about?” I asked.
“It’s actually something I had to talk to him about. Um … I’m pregnant.”
At first I wondered, “Who was she having sex with at Lake Shit?” because she’s only been here a few days. But then it dawned on me that the impregnation actually occurred before she came to the hospital.
She was sitting on her bed crying when I opened our door, and I wanted to hug her so badly, but I hesitated because of the no-touching rule. I can’t believe that in the private space of our own room at such an important moment, I actually thought of that stupid rule. I’m brainwashed, I tell you. Then I said, “Screw it,” and sat down next to her with hugs.
“What are you going to do?” I asked her.
Wiping her eyes, Sandy said, “Derek [her guy] and I talked about this before. Lots of girls at our school have babies. There’s even a day care. We said if it ever happened that we’d have the baby.”
“Really? A baby?” I couldn’t imagine having sex, let alone having a baby. “Having a baby is a big responsibility. Not to mention how horrific birth sounds. Haven’t you seen that god-awful
movie in sex ed? Don’t tell me that’s a miracle. You sure you want to go through with that?”
“I guess. I mean, yeah. I’m already seventeen. Derek and I were gonna get married next year anyway. This way, there’s no way my parents could say no to us moving in together.”
Sandy looked out through the window screen pensively, her hand on her tummy. What a different life from mine. A boyfriend. Sex. Marriage. A baby? What about college? Does she know what she wants to do with her life? Or is this it? I didn’t
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