with some problems, you know? Everyone’s got problems.”
“Was this time any different than the other times? Once you went home, I mean?” Liz had always been intimate with her husband after having an affair.
“No. When I went home, I told Rod that I’d had another episode. We took a shower together, and then we had sex.”
Lecia didn’t know whether Rod was a rare, supportive husband or a spineless fool. Liz had admittedly cheated on him at least ten times in their fourteen-month marriage.
“And?”
“And I couldn’t come with him.” She started to softly sob. “I love my husband. Why is this happening to me?”
“One of the things I’ve noticed, Liz, is that you almost use your affairs as foreplay. You like the excitement of being with someone new, perhaps even the risk factor is a turn on. But you always go home and make love to your husband.”
“Yes.”
“Do you want your marriage to work?”
“Of course I do. I can’t stand hurting my husband this way.”
“The first step in changing negative behavior is to acknowledge that behavior.”
“I know. That’s why I’m here.”
“Obviously, sex outside of your marriage is not good behavior for many reasons, not the least of which is the risk factor of picking up diseases. But each time you have sex with another man, you’re betraying the intimacy of your own marriage. Now, if this is some kind of kinky sex game you and your husband play, that’s one thing.”
“It isn’t.”
“What is it that you want?”
“Hot, mind-blowing sex with my husband.”
“And why do you think you’re not having that? Is your husband willing?”
“Oh, yes.”
“And you’re willing?”
“I want to be willing.”
“Why do you say that? That you want to be willing?”
“I guess because I only seem to be turned on after I’ve cheated on him.”
Lecia paused, made some more notes. “Some couples get into a pattern with their lovemaking, a routine so to speak. This can be a big turn off, because there’s no spontaneity. But it’s also a problem that can be easily resolved. Have you explored toys with Rod, different settings for lovemaking?”
“With my lovers, yes.”
“Why not your husband?”
“I don’t know.” Liz looked away. “Rod did suggest trying sex toys, but once he did, it turned me off. I don’t know why. When I suggested using sex toys to my lovers, I was always very turned on.”
“ You suggested them?”
“Always. With my lovers, I call the shots. I don’t know…it’s like I’m playing out a part in a movie, the role of a temptress. I feel…I feel powerful.”
Bingo. So this was about control. Lecia had wondered as much, based on everything the woman had told her during their previous sessions.
But control was only the surface of the problem. Beneath it, Lecia was certain there were myriad issues dealing with sexual abuse. Liz had admitted to a scandalous number of sex partners during college, and the kind of dangerous behavior sexual abuse survivors were famous for. Once, Liz had left a party with three strange men and ended up in a hotel room having sex with all of them. According to her, it had been the quest for the mighty orgasm. Lecia knew otherwise.
But if Liz had been abused, she had either repressed the memories or deliberately not told her about them.
“Liz, I think we’re really beginning to scratch the surface here. You’re seeing me for a sex addiction, but the problem in all likelihood has nothing to do with sex. You need to find the reason behind the addiction.” Lecia paused. “There’s a new therapy I’d like to try, if you’re willing.”
“Of course.”
“It’s called EMDR—Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It’s a process that helps clarify what you may be thinking, feeling. But it is a slow process. In other words, there’s no quick fix. But if you’re serious about changing your behavior, you need to get to the bottom of what’s behind it, and I think
“Was this time any different than the other times? Once you went home, I mean?” Liz had always been intimate with her husband after having an affair.
“No. When I went home, I told Rod that I’d had another episode. We took a shower together, and then we had sex.”
Lecia didn’t know whether Rod was a rare, supportive husband or a spineless fool. Liz had admittedly cheated on him at least ten times in their fourteen-month marriage.
“And?”
“And I couldn’t come with him.” She started to softly sob. “I love my husband. Why is this happening to me?”
“One of the things I’ve noticed, Liz, is that you almost use your affairs as foreplay. You like the excitement of being with someone new, perhaps even the risk factor is a turn on. But you always go home and make love to your husband.”
“Yes.”
“Do you want your marriage to work?”
“Of course I do. I can’t stand hurting my husband this way.”
“The first step in changing negative behavior is to acknowledge that behavior.”
“I know. That’s why I’m here.”
“Obviously, sex outside of your marriage is not good behavior for many reasons, not the least of which is the risk factor of picking up diseases. But each time you have sex with another man, you’re betraying the intimacy of your own marriage. Now, if this is some kind of kinky sex game you and your husband play, that’s one thing.”
“It isn’t.”
“What is it that you want?”
“Hot, mind-blowing sex with my husband.”
“And why do you think you’re not having that? Is your husband willing?”
“Oh, yes.”
“And you’re willing?”
“I want to be willing.”
“Why do you say that? That you want to be willing?”
“I guess because I only seem to be turned on after I’ve cheated on him.”
Lecia paused, made some more notes. “Some couples get into a pattern with their lovemaking, a routine so to speak. This can be a big turn off, because there’s no spontaneity. But it’s also a problem that can be easily resolved. Have you explored toys with Rod, different settings for lovemaking?”
“With my lovers, yes.”
“Why not your husband?”
“I don’t know.” Liz looked away. “Rod did suggest trying sex toys, but once he did, it turned me off. I don’t know why. When I suggested using sex toys to my lovers, I was always very turned on.”
“ You suggested them?”
“Always. With my lovers, I call the shots. I don’t know…it’s like I’m playing out a part in a movie, the role of a temptress. I feel…I feel powerful.”
Bingo. So this was about control. Lecia had wondered as much, based on everything the woman had told her during their previous sessions.
But control was only the surface of the problem. Beneath it, Lecia was certain there were myriad issues dealing with sexual abuse. Liz had admitted to a scandalous number of sex partners during college, and the kind of dangerous behavior sexual abuse survivors were famous for. Once, Liz had left a party with three strange men and ended up in a hotel room having sex with all of them. According to her, it had been the quest for the mighty orgasm. Lecia knew otherwise.
But if Liz had been abused, she had either repressed the memories or deliberately not told her about them.
“Liz, I think we’re really beginning to scratch the surface here. You’re seeing me for a sex addiction, but the problem in all likelihood has nothing to do with sex. You need to find the reason behind the addiction.” Lecia paused. “There’s a new therapy I’d like to try, if you’re willing.”
“Of course.”
“It’s called EMDR—Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It’s a process that helps clarify what you may be thinking, feeling. But it is a slow process. In other words, there’s no quick fix. But if you’re serious about changing your behavior, you need to get to the bottom of what’s behind it, and I think
Similar Books
