His Robot Girlfriend by Wesley Allison

placed as they
had been. Lucas’s room, which had not been nearly so cluttered, was
now empty, with the exception of an exercise mat in the center of
the room.
    “ Just as you wanted.” said
Patience speaking right behind his left ear.
    “ Shit! You startled
me.”
    “ I’m sorry.”
    “ I can’t believe how much
you’ve done in a week. What are you doing now—alphabetizing my
underwear?”
    “ No. I was on the phone
with Harriet. She invited us to dinner.”
    “ Hmm. Both of
us?”
    “ Yes. She specifically
asked that I come too.”
    “ Speaking of Harriet, what
are you planning for her room?”
    “ I didn’t have any plans
yet,” said Patience.
    “ Why don’t we make it a
guest room? You can move your clothes into my closet. God knows I
don’t need all that room.”
    “ As you wish,” she replied
sweetly.
    Later Mike hopped in the passenger side of
the car and let Patience drive them to Greendale, to Harriet’s
house. Patience wore what she referred to as a red bra-top dress,
though it didn’t look at all bra-like to Mike, and a pair of
matching three and a half inch wedge shoes. Mike wore a pair of tan
slacks and a matching pullover shirt which Patience picked out for
him. He was quite happy as they made their journey. It was a
beautiful day. There wasn't much traffic. And just having Patience
with him seemed to make him happy.
    Harriet greeted them with a smile. When
Harriet’s husband Jack saw Patience, his mouth fell open.
    “ Put your tongue and your
eyeballs back in your head,” said Mike, as he walked passed him.
Then for good measure, Harriet smacked Jack on the back of the
head. As he sat down, Mike looked at Patience to see alarm on her
face.
    "What?" he asked.
    "Are you mad at me, Mike?"
    "No. Of course not. Why?"
    "You were making an angry face."
    "Was I?"
    "Yes."
    “ Oh. I'm sorry. I was just
worrying about something I don't even need to worry
about."
    "I don’t like for you to worry, Mike." she
said. "I want to make all of your worries go away."
    "Thanks."
    Inside, they sat and talked for a while.
Harriet, who worked at a dentist’s office, regaled them with
stories of bad teeth and bad breath. Then she talked about Jack’s
baseball team. He played with a group of men from his office.
Finally, she started telling them about her gardening. She
described in great detail all of the plants that she had recently
added to her yard. Mike wasn't paying too much attention. He tended
to zone out. Once Harriet got started on a topic, she usually
wrestled it to the ground and killed it.
    "Get away!" shouted Mike, when one of
Harriet's dogs suddenly stuck its nose in his crotch.
    "I know you really like dogs, Daddy," said
Harriet. "You just pretend you don't."
    "I like dogs fine, when they aren't sniffing
where they shouldn't be sniffing."
    "They are just curious about you," she said.
"I'm surprised they aren't sniffing at you, Patience. They don't
seem to even notice you."
    "Hey Harriet," said Mike. "Didn't you just
say you needed some more potting soil or something?"
    "You'll never know how surprised I am that
you heard that much of what I said," she replied. "But yes, I
do."
    "Let's run over to Lowe’s and get it."
    "Well, I have the quiche halfway done."
    “ Patience can finish that
up for you," said Mike, looking at his girlfriend for, and seeing
in her face, confirmation. "You and I can run to the
store."
    "I thought real men didn't eat quiche," said
Jack.
    "Real men eat whatever the hell they want to
eat," said Mike, managing to keep most of the derision out of his
tone.
    "Come on Daddy," said Harriet.
    Father and daughter took a quick drive down
the block to the neighborhood home improvement store. Mike hadn't
really wanted to help pick out potting soil. What he wanted was
more reassurance that his daughter was not bothered by his
relationship with a robot. She was very reassuring. She seemed as
happy that Patience was in her father’s life as he was. Their
conversation on the topic