strangers that happened
to be living in the same house. I was struck by the humor of that, surely no
other set of strangers in the history of the Earth had had so much animosity
towards each other.
I thought
of the irony of the situation, the fact that when I’d left Ryan behind, I thought I was leaving behind the betrayals and
drama. He’d left me with a fear of weakness that I’d managed to control until
Rachel opened her mouth. So, facing Jessie was the last thing I wanted to do.
But, for so many reasons now, it was the only thing to do.
So here I
was once again at his doorstep, thinking that I wouldn’t blame him if he wanted
to take a restraining order out on me. But this visit had nothing to do with
our game. I wasn’t sure what the point was, exactly. Maybe I thought he needed
an explanation. For some reason I was
supposed to be the one to give it.
I knocked
quietly, a part of me hoping he wouldn’t answer. Still, I took a deep breath
and knocked again, more forcefully this time.
When he
opened the door, I noticed that his usual obnoxious smirk was gone, in its
place a fairly serious expression. Somehow this made me uncomfortable, and
oddly enough I found myself wishing that smirk would come back. I didn’t like
the way he looked at me, like he felt sorry for me.
“Hey?” It
sounded more like a question than a greeting, but I tried to smile anyway. He
closed the door behind him and motioned for me to join him on the porch swing.
Neither of
us knew what to say, and we sat in an uncomfortable silence for what felt like
an eternity.
“Eli?”
I turned to
look at him, feeling both anxious about what he was going to say next and
startled by the interruption of the silence.
“What are
you doing here?” I could hear that it was curiosity that drove him to the
question, rather than anything else, and the realization kept me from getting
too offended.
I sighed,
thinking about it. “I don’t know.”
He nodded.
It was silent again.
“I’m
sorry.”
I raised an
eyebrow in surprise, waiting for him to continue.
“Rachel,
she’s a real bi‒”
“Stop,” I
whispered sternly.
“Are you
serious? She‒”
“Don’t.
It’s complicated,” I sighed.
“Are you
really going to defend her? After everything she said?”
I could
sense curiosity being overtaken by frustration. He, just like many others
before him, could not understand the relationship Rachel and I had.
“It’s
really none of your business!” I felt myself getting angry. I could feel his
eyes on me for a long time. It seemed like there was something he wanted to
say, but he decided against it.
“You’re
right,” he said resignedly. “You don’t have to explain anything you don’t want
to.”
“No,” I
relented with a sigh. “It’s okay. You can ask.”
I could
hear his reluctance, even as he finally spoke. “Was it all true?”
I’d already
prepared myself for this conversation. I was amazed by how little a difference
it made.
“All of my issues ?” I laughed humorlessly. I
avoided his eyes like my life depended on it. It felt as if it did.
“Yeah,” I
said quietly.
“Oh…okay,”
he said. I wondered if he felt as stupid as he sounded, having said the worst
thing he could have said.
“Well…I’m
sorry, about your… issues .”
“Um,
thanks?”
“You’re
welcome,” he replied.
He
scratched his head, his hair becoming increasingly more disheveled as he
continued.
I sighed,
standing up quickly, “You know what? I’m gonna go.”
“Wait…Eli,”
I heard him call when I was already halfway back to our island.
I turned
around. I could tell he had already changed his mind again on whatever he was
going to say.
“Bye.” He
waved.
I rushed
back to the house, trying to make sense of his useless words. I hadn’t expected
our conversation to go the way it did. But there was this nagging voice in my
head asking; “What did you expect
Eli? What did you want?”
---
Some days
are
to be living in the same house. I was struck by the humor of that, surely no
other set of strangers in the history of the Earth had had so much animosity
towards each other.
I thought
of the irony of the situation, the fact that when I’d left Ryan behind, I thought I was leaving behind the betrayals and
drama. He’d left me with a fear of weakness that I’d managed to control until
Rachel opened her mouth. So, facing Jessie was the last thing I wanted to do.
But, for so many reasons now, it was the only thing to do.
So here I
was once again at his doorstep, thinking that I wouldn’t blame him if he wanted
to take a restraining order out on me. But this visit had nothing to do with
our game. I wasn’t sure what the point was, exactly. Maybe I thought he needed
an explanation. For some reason I was
supposed to be the one to give it.
I knocked
quietly, a part of me hoping he wouldn’t answer. Still, I took a deep breath
and knocked again, more forcefully this time.
When he
opened the door, I noticed that his usual obnoxious smirk was gone, in its
place a fairly serious expression. Somehow this made me uncomfortable, and
oddly enough I found myself wishing that smirk would come back. I didn’t like
the way he looked at me, like he felt sorry for me.
“Hey?” It
sounded more like a question than a greeting, but I tried to smile anyway. He
closed the door behind him and motioned for me to join him on the porch swing.
Neither of
us knew what to say, and we sat in an uncomfortable silence for what felt like
an eternity.
“Eli?”
I turned to
look at him, feeling both anxious about what he was going to say next and
startled by the interruption of the silence.
“What are
you doing here?” I could hear that it was curiosity that drove him to the
question, rather than anything else, and the realization kept me from getting
too offended.
I sighed,
thinking about it. “I don’t know.”
He nodded.
It was silent again.
“I’m
sorry.”
I raised an
eyebrow in surprise, waiting for him to continue.
“Rachel,
she’s a real bi‒”
“Stop,” I
whispered sternly.
“Are you
serious? She‒”
“Don’t.
It’s complicated,” I sighed.
“Are you
really going to defend her? After everything she said?”
I could
sense curiosity being overtaken by frustration. He, just like many others
before him, could not understand the relationship Rachel and I had.
“It’s
really none of your business!” I felt myself getting angry. I could feel his
eyes on me for a long time. It seemed like there was something he wanted to
say, but he decided against it.
“You’re
right,” he said resignedly. “You don’t have to explain anything you don’t want
to.”
“No,” I
relented with a sigh. “It’s okay. You can ask.”
I could
hear his reluctance, even as he finally spoke. “Was it all true?”
I’d already
prepared myself for this conversation. I was amazed by how little a difference
it made.
“All of my issues ?” I laughed humorlessly. I
avoided his eyes like my life depended on it. It felt as if it did.
“Yeah,” I
said quietly.
“Oh…okay,”
he said. I wondered if he felt as stupid as he sounded, having said the worst
thing he could have said.
“Well…I’m
sorry, about your… issues .”
“Um,
thanks?”
“You’re
welcome,” he replied.
He
scratched his head, his hair becoming increasingly more disheveled as he
continued.
I sighed,
standing up quickly, “You know what? I’m gonna go.”
“Wait…Eli,”
I heard him call when I was already halfway back to our island.
I turned
around. I could tell he had already changed his mind again on whatever he was
going to say.
“Bye.” He
waved.
I rushed
back to the house, trying to make sense of his useless words. I hadn’t expected
our conversation to go the way it did. But there was this nagging voice in my
head asking; “What did you expect
Eli? What did you want?”
---
Some days
are
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