Joe Bruzzese by Parents' Guide to the Middle School Years

adults, particularly those in positions of authority, so taking the initiative to address a teacher outside of the formal class discussion can be a challenge. Your child may find starting a conversation with his teacher especially daunting in the midst of a busy school schedule, with only a few minutes in between classes. However, middle school is when your child begins the journey toward independence and responsibility for his own progress at school. For this reason I encourage you to promote teacher-child conversations whenever possible.
    So what’s the best way for your child to catch a teacher to discuss a question or concern? Review the following four-point plan, then take ten minutes to role-play a conversation your child could have with a teacher. Take turns playing the roles of teacher and student so you can model how the conversation might flow from both perspectives.
    1. Prepare for progress. Your child should think about the question(s) he wants to ask and what information he hopes to gain prior to asking a teacher for assistance outside of class. Coaching your child through the process of clearlyarticulating his concern can make the difference between a truly rewarding interaction and one that leaves him feeling frustrated. If your child’s questions are related to something learned in class, then brainstorm a list of specific questions about the content. Encourage your child to steer clear of general statements like “I don’t understand any of this,” which don’t pinpoint where help is needed.
    If homework is the challenge, suggest that your child bring specific questions or problems to the meeting. A word of caution: questions about tests should be focused on learning the information that was missed rather than making a plea for a better grade—unless, of course, there is a concern that the test was graded incorrectly.
    2. Engage. A few opportunities to role-play the conversation will prime your child for an engaging and rewarding meeting with the teacher. On the day of the meeting, simply ask your child, “How do you feel about talking with your teacher today?” This general question leaves the door open for any last-minute role-play or advice you can offer. Occasionally, kids will ask for a few last-minute pointers, but most are ready to tackle the challenge independently. At this point your role as a coach is complete. It’s time for your child to step into the game and use the skills he has practiced.
    3. Ask for time. Begin by asking the teacher the following question, either before class begins or right after the class is dismissed: “Is there a time today or tomorrow when I could talk with you about a question/concern I have?” Your child’s goal is only to schedule a time for a conversation, so encourage your child to resist the temptation to start discussing the specific concern at that time, particularly if it’s about the course content. The ideal time to talk with a teacher is during a break when the teacher can give your child five to ten minutes of uninterrupted time.
    â€œMy son was scared to death about the possibility of confronting his teacher with questions about what he didn’t understand. He took the plunge and met the teacher anyway after some encouragement from his mom and me. Later I received an email from his teacher who told me how excited he was to see a student taking responsibility for his achievement. What an incredible step forward for our son.”
    â€”
Jim, middle school dad, Denver, CO
    4. Follow-up. Follow up with your child after the meeting: “How did things go with Mr. Smith today?” Your child’s initial reaction will tell you more than his words might. A long sigh usually means that the meeting could have been better. A broad smile could mean that the meeting went exactly as planned. Try to refrain from a round of twenty questions. Remember, this was your child’s chance at sharing a