Man From Mundania by Piers Anthony Page B
Authors: Piers Anthony
Tags: Fiction, General, Fantasy, Magic, Epic, Fantasy Fiction; American, princesses, Xanth (Imaginary place)
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she
told him "You're talking gibberish" he had heard "Eu-
rope talcum giddiness," and when she asked "You can't
understand me either?" it had come out "Yukon tundra
stammer eater?" But the worst had been when she asked
"But why could I understand you before, then?" and he
had heard something like "Buttery cookie unstable yodel
fourteen?" Discussing that, she had raided his meager re-
frigerator—a box that was magically cold inside—and
found cookies and butter. Sure enough, there had been
five of them, which crumbled when she tried to spread the
hard butter on them (unstable) and become fourteen frag-
ments. They had laughed and laughed. And there was the
key to their relationship: they got along well together,
laughing at the same things. She had never had that ex-
perience with a man before, only with Nada and Electra.
Man from Mundania 45
But now the demon was gazing at her in annoyed won-
der—demons were good at such expressions—and she
knew she was in trouble. How could she explain that she
was from Xanth, when the Flatfeet would not believe in
Xanth? But, as Grey had warned her, if any Mundanes
thought she really believed in Xanth, they would assume
she was crazy, and that would be worse mischief. So even
if she could talk their language, it wouldn't do much good.
What could she do? She shut her mouth and spread her
hands. She had nothing to show them.
"Uibu epftju: tif't b svobxbz!" the Flatfoot said. His
door swung open and he heaved his ponderous bulk out.
"Dpnfpo—xfsfubljoh zpvjo!" he snapped, grabbing Ivy
by the arm.
She looked at Grey for guidance, but he just looked
back helplessly. She understood the problem: it was im-
possible to escape from demons, so it was necessary to
go along with them. Maybe it would be all right.
The two of them were put in the back of the Flatfoot's
car, which then caromed away down the road. Grey held
her hand, trying to provide comfort, though it was evident
that he had little control of the situation. Soon they arrived
at the demon's residence, where male and female Flatfoots
abounded, and there were many of the fierce blue cars
with flashing lights on top. What a fearsome place!
There was more talking, then a matron demoness took
Ivy by the arm. Ivy hung back, not wanting to be sepa-
rated from Grey, but he made a gesture that this was all
right.
The matron took her to a small chamber where there
were chairs and a table. Then she spoke gibberish in a
questioning tone. Ivy merely spread her hands, knowing
better than to speak again.
Then the matron brought out pictures: men, women,
children, table, chair, car—everything was in this collec-
tion, it seemed. She pointed to a picture of a man, then
brought her hand up to her forehead, almost touching the
hairline. Then she flattened her hand and brought it away
from her head, palm down. "Nbo," she said firmly.
What was she up to? Ivy kept her mouth shut.
46
Man from Mundania
Man from Mundania
47
The matron pointed to a picture of a woman. She made
a fist with her thumb up, then flattened her hand as she
had before, and moved it out at the level of her cheek.
"Xpnbo."
Ivy watched, saying nothing.
The woman pointed to herself, and made the second
gesture again. Then she pointed to Ivy, and made it once
more.
Suddenly Ivy caught on. This gesture indicated a
woman! She lifted her own hand, thumb up, then flattened
it, imitating the gesture.
The matron smiled. She pointed to the picture of the
man.
Ivy promptly made the higher gesture.
"Wfsz hppe!" the matron exclaimed, pleased.
The significance of this was not lost on Ivy. This was a
way to communicate that bypassed the spoken language!
With this she could talk to the Mundanes! Though she
hoped not to be in Mundania much longer, she realized
that her inability to speak their peculiar
told him "You're talking gibberish" he had heard "Eu-
rope talcum giddiness," and when she asked "You can't
understand me either?" it had come out "Yukon tundra
stammer eater?" But the worst had been when she asked
"But why could I understand you before, then?" and he
had heard something like "Buttery cookie unstable yodel
fourteen?" Discussing that, she had raided his meager re-
frigerator—a box that was magically cold inside—and
found cookies and butter. Sure enough, there had been
five of them, which crumbled when she tried to spread the
hard butter on them (unstable) and become fourteen frag-
ments. They had laughed and laughed. And there was the
key to their relationship: they got along well together,
laughing at the same things. She had never had that ex-
perience with a man before, only with Nada and Electra.
Man from Mundania 45
But now the demon was gazing at her in annoyed won-
der—demons were good at such expressions—and she
knew she was in trouble. How could she explain that she
was from Xanth, when the Flatfeet would not believe in
Xanth? But, as Grey had warned her, if any Mundanes
thought she really believed in Xanth, they would assume
she was crazy, and that would be worse mischief. So even
if she could talk their language, it wouldn't do much good.
What could she do? She shut her mouth and spread her
hands. She had nothing to show them.
"Uibu epftju: tif't b svobxbz!" the Flatfoot said. His
door swung open and he heaved his ponderous bulk out.
"Dpnfpo—xfsfubljoh zpvjo!" he snapped, grabbing Ivy
by the arm.
She looked at Grey for guidance, but he just looked
back helplessly. She understood the problem: it was im-
possible to escape from demons, so it was necessary to
go along with them. Maybe it would be all right.
The two of them were put in the back of the Flatfoot's
car, which then caromed away down the road. Grey held
her hand, trying to provide comfort, though it was evident
that he had little control of the situation. Soon they arrived
at the demon's residence, where male and female Flatfoots
abounded, and there were many of the fierce blue cars
with flashing lights on top. What a fearsome place!
There was more talking, then a matron demoness took
Ivy by the arm. Ivy hung back, not wanting to be sepa-
rated from Grey, but he made a gesture that this was all
right.
The matron took her to a small chamber where there
were chairs and a table. Then she spoke gibberish in a
questioning tone. Ivy merely spread her hands, knowing
better than to speak again.
Then the matron brought out pictures: men, women,
children, table, chair, car—everything was in this collec-
tion, it seemed. She pointed to a picture of a man, then
brought her hand up to her forehead, almost touching the
hairline. Then she flattened her hand and brought it away
from her head, palm down. "Nbo," she said firmly.
What was she up to? Ivy kept her mouth shut.
46
Man from Mundania
Man from Mundania
47
The matron pointed to a picture of a woman. She made
a fist with her thumb up, then flattened her hand as she
had before, and moved it out at the level of her cheek.
"Xpnbo."
Ivy watched, saying nothing.
The woman pointed to herself, and made the second
gesture again. Then she pointed to Ivy, and made it once
more.
Suddenly Ivy caught on. This gesture indicated a
woman! She lifted her own hand, thumb up, then flattened
it, imitating the gesture.
The matron smiled. She pointed to the picture of the
man.
Ivy promptly made the higher gesture.
"Wfsz hppe!" the matron exclaimed, pleased.
The significance of this was not lost on Ivy. This was a
way to communicate that bypassed the spoken language!
With this she could talk to the Mundanes! Though she
hoped not to be in Mundania much longer, she realized
that her inability to speak their peculiar
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