Myth-Ing Persons by Robert Asprin

head and grabbed another.
    "This is Vilhelm, Is Kay around?… Well, put her on when she's done…"
    The second gadget slid in under the same ear as the first and he reached for yet another.
    "I know I shouldn't ask this," I murmured to Massha, "but what's he doing?"
    "Those are telephones," she whispered back as a fourth instrument came into play. "You talk into one end of it and whoever's at the other end can hear you and talk back. It beats running all over town to find an answer."
    By this time, the little vampire had so many instruments hung from his shoulders and arms he looked like he was being attacked by a nest of snakes. He seemed to be handling it well, though, talking first into one, then another, apparently keeping multiple conversations going at once like a juggler handles a basket full of balls.
    "Gee, that's kind of neat!" I exclaimed. "Do you think we could get some of these for our place at the Bazaar?"
    "Believe me, they're more trouble than they're worth," Massha said. "In nothing flat you find you're spending all your time on the phone talking to people and not accomplishing anything. Besides, ever since they broke up the corporation…"
    "I think I've got it!" Vilhelm announced, jumping down to floor-level again. "I've got one friend for you definite, but to be honest with you he's only so-so. I've got call-backs coming on two others, so let's see what they're like before you commit on the definite. Okay?"
    "Ummm… I think there's some kind of mistake here," I said desperately, trying to stop the madness before it progressed any further. "I'm not trying to find a new friend. I'm trying to locate a friend I already have who may be here in town."
    He blinked several times as this news sank in. He started to turn back to his phones in an involuntary motion, then waved a hand at them in disgusted dismissal.
    "Heck with it," he said with a sigh. "If they can come up with anything, I can always fob 'em off on someone else for a profit. Now then, let's try this again. You're looking for someone specific. Are they a townie or a transient? It would help if you gave me a little something to go on, you know."
    He seemed a little annoyed, and I would have liked to do or say something to cheer him up. Before I could think of anything, however, my apprentice decided to join the conversation.
    "This is quite a layout you've got, Fast Worker.
    Mind if I ask exactly what it is you do?"
    As always, Massha's "people sense" proved to be better than mine. The little vampire brightened noticeably at the compliment, and his chest puffed out as he launched into his narration.
    "Well, the job was originally billed as Dispatcher… you know, as in Dispatcher of Nightmares. But anyway, like any job, it turned out to involve a lot of things that aren't on the job description. Now it's sort of a combination of dispatcher, travel agent, lost and found, and missing persons bureau."
    "Nightmares?" I questioned, unable to contain myself.
    "Sure. Anything that comes out of Limbo, be it dreams or the real thing, comes through here. Where're you from that you didn't know that?"
    Obviously, I wasn't wild about continuing on the subject of our place of origin.
    "Ahhh, can you really help us find our friend? He's new in town, like us."
    "That's right. You're looking for someone. Sorry. I get a little carried away sometimes when I talk about my work. New in town, hmmm? Shouldn't be that hard to locate. We don't get that many visitors."
    "He might be in jail," Massha blurted out before I realized what she was going to say.
    "In jail?" The vampire frowned. "The only outsider in jail right now is… Say! Now I recognize you! The eyes threw me for a minute. You're Skeeve, aren't you?"
    "Screen 97B!" he declared proudly, gesturing vaguely over his shoulder. "There's someone a dozen dimensions over from here, runs a hot dog stand, who features you in his most frequent nightmares. You, a dragon, and a Pervert. Am I correct in assuming that the