they hurt. I hadn’t realized until this moment how much of Quin’s identity was based around us. He was always so cruel and violent it was hard to remember he loved us. He loved us with a passion as violent as the rest of hisnature, and the idea that I was dying was a stake through his heart. I tried to comfort him, but it was too deep a pain to be reached, let alone soothed. Maybe if I was more used to his mindscape I could have found my way to do it, but he had always made it such an unfriendly atmosphere. Quin was alone in this. Finally, he let me go.
‘
Don’t tell the girls,
’ I signed to him.
‘I wouldn’t,’ Quinsaid. He looked at me. ‘You need to tell Dr Svarog.’
‘I know.’
He nodded his head and left. He paused in the doorway. ‘Get some rest, brother,’ he said gently.
With one hand I flashed him the sign for
I love you.
He said nothing, but he did wave it back.
Quin had never done such a thing before.
chapter 4
They kept me in bed for two days. At first they wouldn’t even let me have my notescreen. I lay battling headaches and boredom and bouts of nausea as my muscles ached – and my heart ached, too.
I wanted to talk to Rose. She hadn’t come to visit me, and I wondered if I’d scared her off. When Tristan finally brought me my screen I was so glad I could have jumped up and hugged her, exceptthat my head hurt so badly I could barely move it.
I hooked on a link to Rose immediately, but it was far too early. Her name just blinked unanswered on my screen. I assumed she was in her studio. She never brought her screen or her cell into her studio when she was painting seriously. I’d only been in Rose’s studio a few times, but every time I had I just wanted to sit there for hours. On thewall at the foot of my bed at UniPrep I had one of Rose’s landscapes. A large blue-black icescape which Rose always said was meant to be Europa. She’d seen some photographs of the glaciers, but this was her own composition. It was stunningly beautiful, the lights and shadows drawing your eye from one portion of the canvas to another. Most people thought it was abstract, but I could see the intricateaccuracy she had painted into the shadows. I could stare at that painting for hours. Staring at the blank wall at the lab, I wished someone had brought me Rose’s painting.
She had given it to me last spring, as I was getting over my broken arm. I’d sustained that broken arm trying to protect her from the Plastine assassin her parents had set after her. I probably shouldn’t have put myself inthe way of an undead plasticized robotic corpse, but I was in love – I wasn’t thinking very clearly. I couldn’t take much in the way of painkillers, and the electricity-based bone structure accelerators made my head short out, so I had to just wait until my body adapted and healed. I couldn’t do much. Rose had brought me the blue ice world of Europa as a thank you.
Last spring, everything hadseemed so easy. I had felt so sure of myself, so secure of my place with Rose. Like a fool, I had thought that once we cleared the Plastine out of the way, and I’d helped Rose find her strength, we’d fall in naturally. Like I had with Nabiki. I had been far too confident in my abilities. It hadn’t happened that way. Once she had moved in with Xavier she’d actually distanced herself from me. It madesense, in a way. In her old life, it was Xavier she had shared things with. When she thought he was gone, she had desperately reached out for that kind of connection with someone – anyone – else. Now that reaching tendril of her emotional briars was anchored again, and it wasn’t connected to me. Instead of things getting easier, they got harder and even more confused.
And I had no Nabiki to discussit with. I couldn’t talk about it to Bren or to Rose, since they were both principal players. That left Dr Bija, and my crush seemed so petty and juvenile compared to what I’d gone through with the dying
‘
Don’t tell the girls,
’ I signed to him.
‘I wouldn’t,’ Quinsaid. He looked at me. ‘You need to tell Dr Svarog.’
‘I know.’
He nodded his head and left. He paused in the doorway. ‘Get some rest, brother,’ he said gently.
With one hand I flashed him the sign for
I love you.
He said nothing, but he did wave it back.
Quin had never done such a thing before.
chapter 4
They kept me in bed for two days. At first they wouldn’t even let me have my notescreen. I lay battling headaches and boredom and bouts of nausea as my muscles ached – and my heart ached, too.
I wanted to talk to Rose. She hadn’t come to visit me, and I wondered if I’d scared her off. When Tristan finally brought me my screen I was so glad I could have jumped up and hugged her, exceptthat my head hurt so badly I could barely move it.
I hooked on a link to Rose immediately, but it was far too early. Her name just blinked unanswered on my screen. I assumed she was in her studio. She never brought her screen or her cell into her studio when she was painting seriously. I’d only been in Rose’s studio a few times, but every time I had I just wanted to sit there for hours. On thewall at the foot of my bed at UniPrep I had one of Rose’s landscapes. A large blue-black icescape which Rose always said was meant to be Europa. She’d seen some photographs of the glaciers, but this was her own composition. It was stunningly beautiful, the lights and shadows drawing your eye from one portion of the canvas to another. Most people thought it was abstract, but I could see the intricateaccuracy she had painted into the shadows. I could stare at that painting for hours. Staring at the blank wall at the lab, I wished someone had brought me Rose’s painting.
She had given it to me last spring, as I was getting over my broken arm. I’d sustained that broken arm trying to protect her from the Plastine assassin her parents had set after her. I probably shouldn’t have put myself inthe way of an undead plasticized robotic corpse, but I was in love – I wasn’t thinking very clearly. I couldn’t take much in the way of painkillers, and the electricity-based bone structure accelerators made my head short out, so I had to just wait until my body adapted and healed. I couldn’t do much. Rose had brought me the blue ice world of Europa as a thank you.
Last spring, everything hadseemed so easy. I had felt so sure of myself, so secure of my place with Rose. Like a fool, I had thought that once we cleared the Plastine out of the way, and I’d helped Rose find her strength, we’d fall in naturally. Like I had with Nabiki. I had been far too confident in my abilities. It hadn’t happened that way. Once she had moved in with Xavier she’d actually distanced herself from me. It madesense, in a way. In her old life, it was Xavier she had shared things with. When she thought he was gone, she had desperately reached out for that kind of connection with someone – anyone – else. Now that reaching tendril of her emotional briars was anchored again, and it wasn’t connected to me. Instead of things getting easier, they got harder and even more confused.
And I had no Nabiki to discussit with. I couldn’t talk about it to Bren or to Rose, since they were both principal players. That left Dr Bija, and my crush seemed so petty and juvenile compared to what I’d gone through with the dying
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