times and my adjustment to the world outside the lab that I felt silly trying to sort it out with her.
I lightly touched Rose’s name on my screen. As if I could caress her that way.
(
You’rebeing very stupid about her, you know.)
I closed my eyes.
‘Stop it.’
(Why should I? You dance back and forth about her, moaning in your sleep, no less, and I have to listen to it.)
‘Shut up!’
(It doesn’t matter anyway. You’ll be like me soon enough.)
‘And what will happen to you then?’
I asked angrily. As usual, 42 didn’t have an answer for that one.
I had to wait quite a bit before Rosenoticed I’d linked up. I updated my journal as I waited, and tried to work on some poetry, but my head wasn’t in it. It ached too much.
My screen dinged and I turned back to the netfeed page. Otto! Are you still there? Are you okay?
I ache a bit. Are you all right?
Your doctors say so. But I’m worried. They got really quiet at one point and wanted to talk to Xavier privately.
Don’t worry aboutit. It’s just the stass reaction stuff I noticed the first time I touched you.
Briars and bright spots.
Yeah. I’ll bet it’s the same stuff they see in the brain scans of frequent interplanetary travellers, just more advanced.
I hope so. Otto, what happened? I was really scared.
No one’s sure
,
I wrote. This was true. No one was sure what had caused the dying time, either. I’ll be okay
.
Thatwas a blatant lie. I couldn’t help it. I wanted to protect her. Are you?
I think so.
I felt ill even thinking about it, but I needed to ask her. Did I hurt you?
I’m okay.
I stared at that. That’s not answering my question.
And I said I’m okay.
She still wasn’t answering my question. I take it I don’t want to know the answer?
She didn’t reply.
I’m sorry.
It’s not your fault.
Yes it is.It was reckless, and I shouldn’t have done it.
Done what? Gone for a swim?
With you.
There was a long pause before Rose wrote, Quin said much the same. He said it was my fault.
I tried really hard not to throw the screen across the room in frustration. Quin doesn’t know coit all about it. And after I kill him, I’ll tell him that.
Quin was just trying to protect you.
Quin’s protection inthe past has resulted in weeks in the lab infirmary, I wrote. His idea of what’s best for me is usually loud insults, cruel pranks, or his fist in my face.
I’ve never seen him hit you.
Well, I conceded. He has grown up some in the last few years. And he’s worried he’ll get sent back to the lab if he’s as violent as he usually wants to be. That doesn’t mean he knows what’s best for me. I’m theonly one who gets to decide that.
Rose didn’t respond for a long time. I’m not used to thinking that way, she admitted.
I suddenly felt like a sped. I was saying that to a victim of emotional abuse. I know. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring stuff up.
That’s okay. It’s my own can of worms.
We have plenty of those to share between us.
We do, don’t we. She paused. I miss you.
That surprisedme. Then come see me.
They won’t let me.
What? Who won’t?
I’m not sure.
I sighed. Sometimes Rose became so biddable and passive it was exasperating. It was a habit she would fall back to, like nicohol or nail-biting. It had once been a survival mechanism – the only method she had to keep her parents from stassing her – but it was only detrimental now. She didn’t have to be like that. Is itXavier or the lab? I asked, trying to point out the obvious. This question was basically a wash, because if the lab said no, Mr Zellwegger could have made them change their minds.
I’m not sure if it’s your doctors or your brother.
I heard laughter in my mind that wasn’t mine. Cruel laughter.
‘Shut up!’
I told 42 fiercely. I think you can be reasonably assured that it’s Quin, I wrote. He’s decidednot to like you.
What a shock, Rose wrote, with her occasional wry sense of humour. I chuckled. You mean I
I lightly touched Rose’s name on my screen. As if I could caress her that way.
(
You’rebeing very stupid about her, you know.)
I closed my eyes.
‘Stop it.’
(Why should I? You dance back and forth about her, moaning in your sleep, no less, and I have to listen to it.)
‘Shut up!’
(It doesn’t matter anyway. You’ll be like me soon enough.)
‘And what will happen to you then?’
I asked angrily. As usual, 42 didn’t have an answer for that one.
I had to wait quite a bit before Rosenoticed I’d linked up. I updated my journal as I waited, and tried to work on some poetry, but my head wasn’t in it. It ached too much.
My screen dinged and I turned back to the netfeed page. Otto! Are you still there? Are you okay?
I ache a bit. Are you all right?
Your doctors say so. But I’m worried. They got really quiet at one point and wanted to talk to Xavier privately.
Don’t worry aboutit. It’s just the stass reaction stuff I noticed the first time I touched you.
Briars and bright spots.
Yeah. I’ll bet it’s the same stuff they see in the brain scans of frequent interplanetary travellers, just more advanced.
I hope so. Otto, what happened? I was really scared.
No one’s sure
,
I wrote. This was true. No one was sure what had caused the dying time, either. I’ll be okay
.
Thatwas a blatant lie. I couldn’t help it. I wanted to protect her. Are you?
I think so.
I felt ill even thinking about it, but I needed to ask her. Did I hurt you?
I’m okay.
I stared at that. That’s not answering my question.
And I said I’m okay.
She still wasn’t answering my question. I take it I don’t want to know the answer?
She didn’t reply.
I’m sorry.
It’s not your fault.
Yes it is.It was reckless, and I shouldn’t have done it.
Done what? Gone for a swim?
With you.
There was a long pause before Rose wrote, Quin said much the same. He said it was my fault.
I tried really hard not to throw the screen across the room in frustration. Quin doesn’t know coit all about it. And after I kill him, I’ll tell him that.
Quin was just trying to protect you.
Quin’s protection inthe past has resulted in weeks in the lab infirmary, I wrote. His idea of what’s best for me is usually loud insults, cruel pranks, or his fist in my face.
I’ve never seen him hit you.
Well, I conceded. He has grown up some in the last few years. And he’s worried he’ll get sent back to the lab if he’s as violent as he usually wants to be. That doesn’t mean he knows what’s best for me. I’m theonly one who gets to decide that.
Rose didn’t respond for a long time. I’m not used to thinking that way, she admitted.
I suddenly felt like a sped. I was saying that to a victim of emotional abuse. I know. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring stuff up.
That’s okay. It’s my own can of worms.
We have plenty of those to share between us.
We do, don’t we. She paused. I miss you.
That surprisedme. Then come see me.
They won’t let me.
What? Who won’t?
I’m not sure.
I sighed. Sometimes Rose became so biddable and passive it was exasperating. It was a habit she would fall back to, like nicohol or nail-biting. It had once been a survival mechanism – the only method she had to keep her parents from stassing her – but it was only detrimental now. She didn’t have to be like that. Is itXavier or the lab? I asked, trying to point out the obvious. This question was basically a wash, because if the lab said no, Mr Zellwegger could have made them change their minds.
I’m not sure if it’s your doctors or your brother.
I heard laughter in my mind that wasn’t mine. Cruel laughter.
‘Shut up!’
I told 42 fiercely. I think you can be reasonably assured that it’s Quin, I wrote. He’s decidednot to like you.
What a shock, Rose wrote, with her occasional wry sense of humour. I chuckled. You mean I
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