Paranoiac by Attikus Absconder Page A

up car
leaking in the driveway. My instincts told me I should just let her
go, push her away and move on. I just wanted to forget and forget
and forget.
    Suddenly, my
stomach erupted with a growling hunger. I couldn’t tell if I was
shivering from the cold or shaking from hunger. Walking further
into the dark sunroom, barely any light was coming in from the
patio. My wet boots squeaked on the polished concrete floor and my
hand searched the walls blindly for a light switch, easily finding
one. For once I struck gold with luck and found myself in the
houses other kitchen. Unlike the trashed kitchen I found earlier,
this one was immaculate. The countertops were of black marble and
they glinted softly from the low wattage bulbs.
    Led by my
rumbling stomach I glided to the stainless-steel fridge, running my
hands across the smooth, cherry wood cabinets. The fluorescent
light brightened my face as I swiftly pulled the door open. I could
have died right then and there. The fridge was fully stocked.
Piggishly I began gnawing anything I could get my hands on, which
was mostly junk. Choking on a half chewed bite of an apple, I
grabbed a beer and quickly imbibed half of it to force it all down.
Greedily I snatched a few more beers, another apple, some cheese
and sliced turkey meat normally just used for sandwiches. Sitting
on the cold counter top, I chugged the rest of my beer. I figured I
could cut out the bread for my sandwich and just replace it with a
nice crisp beer. “Beer is pretty much bread, right?” I said to
myself, popping open another beer and shoving more food into my
mouth. Usually I hated beer, I preferred a cider or just straight
up liquor. But this beer, right now and in this specific moment,
was the best part of it all. I enjoyed it even though I was soaked
from head to toe and shivering from the icy rain. Finishing my
second beer and opening a third, I sat hunched on the counter with
my eyes closed just listening to the rain.
    Thunder was
booming every few minutes and the rain was pouring relentlessly. I
absolutely loved the rain, it was the most relaxing thing I could
think of.. This was the best moment I’ve had since waking up here.
I took solace in the dimly lit kitchen and the mess I had made of
it. The counters were covered in wrappers, empty beer bottles and
crumbs from my make-shift feast. I knew this tiny, pathetic moment
wouldn’t last long and so did my stomach.
    My intestines
cramped and twisted in my gut with such violence that I doubled
over. I jumped off the counter and ran for the bathroom that was
tucked away in a back corridor of the kitchen, slipping as I
reached for the door. I didn’t even bother shutting the door before
relieving myself. I sat on the toilet, shaking with my head
in-between my knees cursing every beer and piece of junk I shoved
into my mouth. I had foolishly tried to eat like a ravenous
teenager but with the drawback of having a stomach of a thirty year
old. I finished my business, cleaned up and looked up to see that
the mirror above the tiny sink was shattered.
    Tiny of
fractal versions of myself were looking back at me. I was as pale
as Molly and almost as pale as the man in my dreams. Standing there
for a moment, I waited for my stomach to calm, not wanting to move
too far from the bathroom. I traced my fingers on the broken cracks
in the mirror, hypnotized by all of the fragmented dimensions it
withheld. “Mirror, mirror on this wall. Who is this man that wants
me to fall?” I said as my whispering voice echoed in the tiny
bathroom. Tracing my fingers across the glass one more time just in
case it wanted to answer me, I soon decided to move on.

Journal Entry Twelve
    It was near
impossible to stop thinking about Molly and I wasn’t ready to tread
through the rain. I slowly and pointlessly cleaned the kitchen,
wishing for another change of clothes. They hung awkward and heavy
around my body, too wet for them to dry quickly. I thought about
putting them in the oven