Paranoiac by Attikus Absconder Page B

but chickened out at the last minute. I’d
rather walk around wet and cold than naked, wet and cold. Soon, I
ran out of chores and just leaned against the counter, staring at
the irritated, scabbing cuts on my forearms. I couldn’t help but
feel anxious over the damaged cars. Because of the note, I knew one
of them belonged to Molly, but I had no idea who’s SUV that was or
who shattered its' window. All I knew was someone wasn’t going to
be happy with me. Then again I could always blame it on the storm.
I could only hope the rain had washed away the crimson
evidence.
    Everything
that happened last night was still a fuzzy blur. The only thing I
could recall was Molly, and barely. I knew she was here because of
her car and I could remember what she looked like. Although,
strangely, I felt like I was head over heels for her. Every time
her name leaked into my mind it gave me a warm feeling. I knew we
had a long history but I kept shutting my mind to her out of some
strange fear.
    I rested my
arms on the cool, black marble counter and tried to force myself to
remember her. Closing my eyes I repeated her name over and over
again. Every time I whispered the name flashes of her face
thundered underneath my eyelids. My head began to throb with pain
and my ears started to ache with a high pitched noise. I slid down
on to the floor, my back to the cabinets and kept repeating the
name. After every compulsive utterance the throbbing pain and high
pitched noise only worsened. I persevered with fists clenched while
fragments of her face flashed and flickered in my mind. The pain
kept getting worse and worse. I gasped for air in a panic trying to
catch my breath. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t see and the humming
ring was getting unbearable.
    Then in an
instant it was all gone, disappearing with a loud popping noise. It
was if I had broken through this invisible barrier and from the
cracks leaked the memories that I’ve spent years trying to push
back. I rested my head on the counter behind me and I slipped into
a foggy dream-like state. It was just like before, I was watching
my memories as if they were being projected all around
me.
    I was sitting
in a class, I was eighteen and she was twenty. We were sitting
together but only because our stuffy, controlling professor
assigned our seats. It was our Early European History class and she
was copying answers from my paper for our assignment. It was, of
course, due today although it was assigned a week ago but that was
Molly for you. Then the memory and my surroundings vanished as fast
as they came.
    I could still
feel myself sitting on the ground and the cabinet pressing into my
head but there was nothing but an empty void around me. The memory
was gone and I wanted more. If I have known her for that long, why
do I keep trying to push her existence out of my mind? Why is my
subconscious working against me?
    Focusing
harder, I pushed further past that now weakened barrier. I started
to repeat her name again until fragmented memories flashed and
projected all around the void. They were mostly random
conversations but nothing else. All of this chaos was leaving me
frustrated and queasy. I just needed to make sense of all of this
randomness.
    I pulled my
knees to my chest and rested my head on them. Slowly, I was loosing
sense of up and down in this black void. It was difficult even to
tell if this was all real or in my twisted head. I wanted to cry
but not because I was sad. It was like I was regressing in age,
like I was this sensitive newborn trying to understand the world.
“Get a grip of yourself and focus on Molly,” I said to myself
weakly, running my hands through my wet hair. I still felt cold and
wet but I pushed those thoughts away as if I could tangibly swat at
them.
    “ Molly, Molly, Molly!” I started to repeat again until I felt
this strange warm tingling through my body. It started at my core
and slowly spread to my fingers and toes. I started to feel myself
sinking