woke with tears in my eyes and a pain in my heart. My sheets were soaked with sweat and my legs were tangled in them. I thought I might stop having these nightmares but it seems they are inescapable.
I untangled my legs and stood from my bed. I walked to the cabinet in the kitchen and reached for a glass. I turned the cold tap on and let it run for a few moments before filling my glass.
I moved to a drawer in my bedroom and reached for a box I hadn’t looked in for a long time.
Nestled in the velvet box was the reason I couldn’t move on. The beautiful square diamond set in the white gold solitaire ring and the plain white gold band that had been placed on my finger…It seemed so long ago, but in the same moment it felt like only yesterday.
I had buried Ethan wearing the matching plain band.
I closed the box and returned it to my drawer. I took a gulp of the cold water and opened the next drawer in the dresser. I reached for a box that I reserve for moments like this one. I took a cigarette and the lighter, moving over to the window as I did so and lit my cigarette.
I opened the window and sat on the windowsill, looking at the full moon as I drew on the cigarette in my mouth. A filthy habit, I know, but I tried telling myself it was okay because it was only for comfort after the nightmares.
My thoughts turned to life before I had moved. Life had been pretty great from the moment I had met Ethan. It wasn’t until he got sick that life had taken a drastic turn. Our lives had been turned upside down and inside out. The day of the diagnosis marked the beginning of the end, we just didn’t know how soon the end would approach.
Ethan had made sure we lived life to the fullest. We packed so much into such a short space of time. Because he didn’t know when the end would be, he said we were to embrace each day as if it were the last. We skydived, bungee-jumped, ran a half-marathon; things we never would have done if it weren’t for Ethan’s illness. But everything we did was tinged with a sadness of knowing that Ethan was making sure he did as much as he could while his body was still capable. They were bittersweet memories in the making.
I finished my cigarette and closed the window. I put my glass in the sink and returned to bed, reaching into the drawer for a sleeping pill. The doctor had prescribed them before I had moved across the country. I had needed them more in the beginning because they stopped my mind from whirring and allowed me to get at least a few hours of sleep. Now I only needed them when I had the nightmares.
Chapter Seven
I arrived at work the next day feeling tired and glum. I wasn’t watching where I was going and bumped straight into Chase.
“Good morning,” he said brightly as he put his arm out to stop me falling flat on the floor.
“Good morning,” I replied, nowhere near as brightly.
“Rough night?” he asked as he looked at me standing there like a dork.
“Do I look that bad?” I asked, worried I had forgotten to comb my hair or something.
“No, of course not. You are beautiful as always. I was referring to your glum tone.”
“Oh,” was all I could say as I took in his incredible appearance.
He was dressed in a navy blue suit and a crisp white shirt with a pinstripe tie. His hair was neatly styled and he looked every inch the male model.
Breaking out of my impromptu bout of rudely staring at the guy, I cleared my throat before speaking. “I just didn’t sleep well, I’m over-tired.”
“Oh, well, you should really get an early night tonight then.” Chase smiled at me.
“I probably should,” I remarked as I stifled a yawn.
“Let me get you a coffee,” Chase said as he slipped away.
I didn’t know whether to stay standing in the doorway or go to my office. I decided on the latter and put my stuff down on my desk. I used my key-card to log in to my computer and sat waiting for Chase to appear with my caffeine
I untangled my legs and stood from my bed. I walked to the cabinet in the kitchen and reached for a glass. I turned the cold tap on and let it run for a few moments before filling my glass.
I moved to a drawer in my bedroom and reached for a box I hadn’t looked in for a long time.
Nestled in the velvet box was the reason I couldn’t move on. The beautiful square diamond set in the white gold solitaire ring and the plain white gold band that had been placed on my finger…It seemed so long ago, but in the same moment it felt like only yesterday.
I had buried Ethan wearing the matching plain band.
I closed the box and returned it to my drawer. I took a gulp of the cold water and opened the next drawer in the dresser. I reached for a box that I reserve for moments like this one. I took a cigarette and the lighter, moving over to the window as I did so and lit my cigarette.
I opened the window and sat on the windowsill, looking at the full moon as I drew on the cigarette in my mouth. A filthy habit, I know, but I tried telling myself it was okay because it was only for comfort after the nightmares.
My thoughts turned to life before I had moved. Life had been pretty great from the moment I had met Ethan. It wasn’t until he got sick that life had taken a drastic turn. Our lives had been turned upside down and inside out. The day of the diagnosis marked the beginning of the end, we just didn’t know how soon the end would approach.
Ethan had made sure we lived life to the fullest. We packed so much into such a short space of time. Because he didn’t know when the end would be, he said we were to embrace each day as if it were the last. We skydived, bungee-jumped, ran a half-marathon; things we never would have done if it weren’t for Ethan’s illness. But everything we did was tinged with a sadness of knowing that Ethan was making sure he did as much as he could while his body was still capable. They were bittersweet memories in the making.
I finished my cigarette and closed the window. I put my glass in the sink and returned to bed, reaching into the drawer for a sleeping pill. The doctor had prescribed them before I had moved across the country. I had needed them more in the beginning because they stopped my mind from whirring and allowed me to get at least a few hours of sleep. Now I only needed them when I had the nightmares.
Chapter Seven
I arrived at work the next day feeling tired and glum. I wasn’t watching where I was going and bumped straight into Chase.
“Good morning,” he said brightly as he put his arm out to stop me falling flat on the floor.
“Good morning,” I replied, nowhere near as brightly.
“Rough night?” he asked as he looked at me standing there like a dork.
“Do I look that bad?” I asked, worried I had forgotten to comb my hair or something.
“No, of course not. You are beautiful as always. I was referring to your glum tone.”
“Oh,” was all I could say as I took in his incredible appearance.
He was dressed in a navy blue suit and a crisp white shirt with a pinstripe tie. His hair was neatly styled and he looked every inch the male model.
Breaking out of my impromptu bout of rudely staring at the guy, I cleared my throat before speaking. “I just didn’t sleep well, I’m over-tired.”
“Oh, well, you should really get an early night tonight then.” Chase smiled at me.
“I probably should,” I remarked as I stifled a yawn.
“Let me get you a coffee,” Chase said as he slipped away.
I didn’t know whether to stay standing in the doorway or go to my office. I decided on the latter and put my stuff down on my desk. I used my key-card to log in to my computer and sat waiting for Chase to appear with my caffeine
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