Selby's Shemozzle by Duncan Ball

back: “Lock your doors and windows! Hairy Harry the head-chopping monster from hell is back.”’
    â€˜Wolfman?!’ Aunt Jetty said, snatching theDVD from Willy. ‘You boys said it was a nature film.’
    â€˜It’s not scary, Mummy,’ Willy said. ‘It’s just funny when he chops heads off and that.’
    â€˜You’re not watching it!’
    â€˜Is this one okay, Mummy?’ Willy asked, handing another DVD to Aunt Jetty.
    â€˜Krazy Kitties Go on Holidays,’
she read. ‘“Another fun-filled frolic, when Karen and Karla Kitty get lost in a fun fair.” Yes, you can watch this one.’
    â€˜Okay, Mummy,’ Willy and Billy said together.
    â€˜The Blood of the Wolfman,’
Aunt Jetty said to her sister. ‘Can you believe the things kids watch today? When we were kids our parents read us stories like
Goldilocks and the Three Bears.
They were scary enough! I used to be terrified when the three bears blew the house down.’
    â€˜I think that was
The Three Little Pigs,’
said Mrs Trifle. ‘What scared me was the wolf in
Little Red Riding Hood.’
    â€˜Yes, I remember,’ Aunt Jetty laughed. ‘When Mum said, ‘'What big teeth you have, Grandma", you’d put your hands over your eyes and scream, “It’s a wolf! It’s a wolf!”’
    Dr Trifle laughed.
    â€˜When the giant in
Jack and the Beanstalk
said, “Fee fi fo fum",’ Dr Trifle said, ‘I used to scream, “Look out! Here he comes!”’
    Dr and Mrs Trifle and Aunt Jetty all had a big laugh.
    â€˜Uh-oh! I’m going to be late for my Aggressiveness Training class,’ Aunt Jetty said, leaping up and giving a sideways kick.
‘Hiiii-yah!’
    Now this is the bit that I saw but I don’t think anyone else did. Just as she got to the door, Aunt Jetty noticed the bottle of Dr Trifle’s hair restorer in the rubbish.
    â€˜What have we here? Beautifying and Anti-Ageing Cream,’ she mumbled as she slipped it into her sports bag.
    Anyway, later when Dr Trifle was back in his workroom and Mrs Trifle was in the study, Willy said, ‘Hey, Billy! Let’s watch the
Krazy Kitties.’
    â€˜Yeah, right,’ Billy said. ‘He he he.’
    I could tell from the giggling that they were up to no good. Sure enough, out of the
Krazy Kitties Go on Holidays
DVD case came
The Blood of the Wolfman.
Those sneaky brats had switched the DVDs!
    Anyway, they started watching it — and it was awful! It was about this werewolf called Hairy Harry who went around killing people. The only way to kill him was to put a piece of wood through his heart. Anyway, somebody did kill him in the end.
Sooooooo
gross!
    â€˜If he came in here I could kill him with my cricket bat!’ Billy said.
    â€˜No, you couldn’t,’ Willy said. ‘He’d chop your head off.’
    â€˜He couldn’t because I’d get him first.’
    â€˜No, you wouldn’t, Billy. I’d shoot him in the heart with my bow and arrow and he’d be dead.’
    â€˜Ha ha. He’d chop your head off cos your arrows are only rubber.’
    â€˜Oh yeah? Well then I’d pull the rubber bit off and shoot him through the heart and he’d be really, really dead, stupid.’
    That’s when Mrs Trifle came out of the study.
    â€˜How was the movie?’ she asked the boys.
    â€˜It was good,’ they both said.
    â€˜Well, your mother just rang to say she’s going to be late. So you can sleep on the lounge till she gets back.’
    Mrs Trifle put a blanket over the boys and turned off the lights. Then she and Dr Trifle went to bed.
    So there I was, wide awake and totally spooked by the stupid movie. Every time I heard a noise I thought it was Hairy Harry coming to chop my head off. Of course, Willy and Billy went right to sleep.
    Anyway, about an hour later I heard the front door slowly creaking open. At first I