naproxen.”
Right.
He thought for a moment and with a sly
smile said, “I bet you don’t know the other name
for Viagra?”
I shook my head.
“Mycoxafloppin.”
Pharmacist humor.
“Oh,” he said, “you’ll be needing this too.”
He whipped out a tea strainer. “Use this to catch
the stone. The
doctor will
want it
to have
it
analyzed.”
Great. Now I get to pee in a strainer. That’s
worse than a cup.
I paid for my prescriptions and returned
home.
Willie was sitting on the porch. “Hey, Mr.
Walt,” he said. “Where you been all day?”
I told him about my physical impairment.
“Oh, Mr. Walt, I knowed a guy had dem
stones. Like to damn near killed him. He moaned
and groaned for days. Had to pump hisself full of
dat Valium stuff to keep from scremin’. When he
finally passed ‘em, it was like shootin’ BBs out his
wiener.”
Willie, you’re such a comfort.
I spent the rest of the afternoon and early
evening drinking and peeing through a strainer. I
had just started a stream when I got the feeling
that someone had put a blowtorch to Mr. Winkie.
Then plop , there it was. Right there in the strainer.
I had given birth to a tiny little piece of gravel. My
very own kidney stone. It looked like it might be a
girl, so I named it Pebbles. You know, like Fred
and Wilma’s kid
****************************************
An excerpt from Lady Justice Takes A C.R.A.P. http://booksbybob.com/lady-justice-takes-acrap_308.html
The Christmas Party
Mary’s arrest and trial had affected
everyone in our little circle of friends.
Naturally, we were concerned about her
and all of us were in court every day to give her
moral support.
The trial ended five days before Christmas,
but with everything going on, holiday preparations
had taken a back seat.
Now that Mary was off the hook, we were
free to turn our thoughts to more festive pursuits.
We
decided to have
a
get together on
Christmas Eve.
Everyone was invited including Ox’s new
squeeze and Ed, our new recruit.
Our little circle was growing larger.
The only no show was Vince who was
going to Arizona to spend the holiday with his
sister.
It was to be a simple affair. We would
order pizza and Maggie and I would serve the
drinks and everyone
else would
bring
their
favorite holiday goodies.
Jerry wanted to do the ‘Secret Santa’ thing,
so we all put our names in the pot.
Maggie and I
started
assembling
our
assorted libations.
She mixed up a batch of holiday punch and
I made sure there was plenty of Arbor Mist --- it
goes great with pizza.
Of course there was the traditional eggnog
and we had a bottle of Kahlua on hand in case
someone felt that their nog needed an extra kick.
Ox and Judy had spent the day baking
cookies. It was hard to imagine my robust friend
rolling out dough, but I sensed that their domestic
time together was a positive thing.
The Professor brought a fruitcake. I guess
that was a throwback to his generation. I just
hoped that somebody would eat a piece so that he
wouldn’t feel bad. I knew it wasn’t going to be
me.
Jerry
brought a
cake
from the Price
Chopper bakery that said ‘Happy Birthday J’. He
had rubbed out the rest of the name.
His justification was that Jason’s family
hadn’t picked up the cake, so he got it for a really
good price.
He then reminded us that Christmas was
really a celebration of Jesus’ birthday and that’s
what the ‘J’ stood for.
How could we argue with logic like that?
Willie brought a sweet potato pie.
He said that when he was a kid growing
up, there were some years when all his family had
were
the vegetables
that they had grown
and
stored, and his momma would bake that pie for
their Christmas dessert.
I guess each of us have our own special
memories of Christmases past.
Ed had stopped by the Cheesecake Factory
and bought a Butterfinger cheesecake.
My mouth started watering the minute I
saw it.
Dad announced that he and Bernice had
spent the whole day making her fabulous ‘female
fudge’.
“What
Right.
He thought for a moment and with a sly
smile said, “I bet you don’t know the other name
for Viagra?”
I shook my head.
“Mycoxafloppin.”
Pharmacist humor.
“Oh,” he said, “you’ll be needing this too.”
He whipped out a tea strainer. “Use this to catch
the stone. The
doctor will
want it
to have
it
analyzed.”
Great. Now I get to pee in a strainer. That’s
worse than a cup.
I paid for my prescriptions and returned
home.
Willie was sitting on the porch. “Hey, Mr.
Walt,” he said. “Where you been all day?”
I told him about my physical impairment.
“Oh, Mr. Walt, I knowed a guy had dem
stones. Like to damn near killed him. He moaned
and groaned for days. Had to pump hisself full of
dat Valium stuff to keep from scremin’. When he
finally passed ‘em, it was like shootin’ BBs out his
wiener.”
Willie, you’re such a comfort.
I spent the rest of the afternoon and early
evening drinking and peeing through a strainer. I
had just started a stream when I got the feeling
that someone had put a blowtorch to Mr. Winkie.
Then plop , there it was. Right there in the strainer.
I had given birth to a tiny little piece of gravel. My
very own kidney stone. It looked like it might be a
girl, so I named it Pebbles. You know, like Fred
and Wilma’s kid
****************************************
An excerpt from Lady Justice Takes A C.R.A.P. http://booksbybob.com/lady-justice-takes-acrap_308.html
The Christmas Party
Mary’s arrest and trial had affected
everyone in our little circle of friends.
Naturally, we were concerned about her
and all of us were in court every day to give her
moral support.
The trial ended five days before Christmas,
but with everything going on, holiday preparations
had taken a back seat.
Now that Mary was off the hook, we were
free to turn our thoughts to more festive pursuits.
We
decided to have
a
get together on
Christmas Eve.
Everyone was invited including Ox’s new
squeeze and Ed, our new recruit.
Our little circle was growing larger.
The only no show was Vince who was
going to Arizona to spend the holiday with his
sister.
It was to be a simple affair. We would
order pizza and Maggie and I would serve the
drinks and everyone
else would
bring
their
favorite holiday goodies.
Jerry wanted to do the ‘Secret Santa’ thing,
so we all put our names in the pot.
Maggie and I
started
assembling
our
assorted libations.
She mixed up a batch of holiday punch and
I made sure there was plenty of Arbor Mist --- it
goes great with pizza.
Of course there was the traditional eggnog
and we had a bottle of Kahlua on hand in case
someone felt that their nog needed an extra kick.
Ox and Judy had spent the day baking
cookies. It was hard to imagine my robust friend
rolling out dough, but I sensed that their domestic
time together was a positive thing.
The Professor brought a fruitcake. I guess
that was a throwback to his generation. I just
hoped that somebody would eat a piece so that he
wouldn’t feel bad. I knew it wasn’t going to be
me.
Jerry
brought a
cake
from the Price
Chopper bakery that said ‘Happy Birthday J’. He
had rubbed out the rest of the name.
His justification was that Jason’s family
hadn’t picked up the cake, so he got it for a really
good price.
He then reminded us that Christmas was
really a celebration of Jesus’ birthday and that’s
what the ‘J’ stood for.
How could we argue with logic like that?
Willie brought a sweet potato pie.
He said that when he was a kid growing
up, there were some years when all his family had
were
the vegetables
that they had grown
and
stored, and his momma would bake that pie for
their Christmas dessert.
I guess each of us have our own special
memories of Christmases past.
Ed had stopped by the Cheesecake Factory
and bought a Butterfinger cheesecake.
My mouth started watering the minute I
saw it.
Dad announced that he and Bernice had
spent the whole day making her fabulous ‘female
fudge’.
“What
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