realized he’d never made it to the medicine cabinet. Calliope threw him a concerned look from the footwell of the vehicle. He had to slow down because he was scaring the only friend he had left.
There was Lulah, of course, but surely she’d distance herself as soon as she saw the real Vince.
At the Sanctuary he parked up by Marlo’s office rather than down at the HQ where most of the dog training work took place. Apparently he had to meet with the service dog trainer before actual training began. He climbed from the truck and could see everyone waiting for him: Marlo, Lulah, a guy who must be the trainer, heck, even Adam.
He flunked his way through the introductions trying to focus on listening, watching Calliope, and keeping the pain in his head to a minimum. His anxiety stretched his limits and he knew he was close to a state where a flashback wouldn’t come as a surprise. In minutes, from a subconscious need to protect himself, he’d dissociated. There he was, back as security camera guy —watching, but not taking part. He hoped nobody would notice, but Marlo spoke to him, her voice floating, away in the distance. Calliope thunked her head into his lap, and he placed his hand on her, feeling her warmth. But, dammit, he couldn’t pull himself out of that corner.
Suddenly he heard Lulah curse. Oh, bad girl, Lulah. No dirty language in front of handsome, totally-got-his-shit-together, Mike, the dog trainer. She approached him, he could smell her and, at the same speed as he’d left, he was back. Lulah reached out to touch his shoulder, and he heard Adam warn her not to crowd him.
Misery washed through him like a dirty tide. He wanted to leave, hating feeling this way, like the lunatic at the picnic. He stood, easing his thigh out from beneath the press of Calliope’s head. “Sorry,” he spoke to the space on the floor a foot ahead of him, “I have to go.”
In that moment, Adam was alongside him. He took hold of his sleeve, out of the view of the others in the room, and bent close to his ear. “Hey, Vince, where are you at the moment?”
Vince stared back at him, his mouth dry, the smell of dust in his nostrils. “I’m nowhere. Absolutely nowhere.”
Adam tugged his sleeve. “Okay. You and I are stepping outside for a couple of minutes for you to take some air, and when you’ve recovered, we’re coming back in here. Understand?”
It sounded so close to a threat that Vince wanted to thump him. “This isn’t going well,” he replied through clenched teeth.
Adam hadn’t moved or released him. “And that’s why we’re stepping out together.” He turned to the others in the room. “Give us a minute, will you?”
Vince felt like the bad kid in the classroom, and he rounded on Adam as soon as they were away from the office. “I’m not a fucking child.”
“I’m not treating you like one, but you needed a breather and I’m following along to make sure you return to the office rather than climbing in your pickup and driving off. Okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“Bullshit. Now, go through your breathing routine and let me know when you’re back.”
“And if I don’t?” Yep, now he was the child.
“In case you hadn’t noticed, Lulah is sitting in that room, wishing and praying that this is all going to turn out fine.”
“Which is precisely why I don’t need the pressure of this.”
“Come on, Vince. There’s a lot riding on this for you, for Lulah. Ultimately, it’s taking pressure off you. Now, will you do the breathing thing before I call Marlo out here to take a stick to you?”
Yeah, he could do it. He could do it for Gable, and for Lulah. As he breathed and made himself take note of his surroundings his anxiety reduced. The dirty tide still sloshed at his inner shore, but he knew he’d make it through the next couple of hours.
Mike had a ton of questions, and some of them felt pretty intrusive. At one stage Vince suggested they request his file from his counselor at the
There was Lulah, of course, but surely she’d distance herself as soon as she saw the real Vince.
At the Sanctuary he parked up by Marlo’s office rather than down at the HQ where most of the dog training work took place. Apparently he had to meet with the service dog trainer before actual training began. He climbed from the truck and could see everyone waiting for him: Marlo, Lulah, a guy who must be the trainer, heck, even Adam.
He flunked his way through the introductions trying to focus on listening, watching Calliope, and keeping the pain in his head to a minimum. His anxiety stretched his limits and he knew he was close to a state where a flashback wouldn’t come as a surprise. In minutes, from a subconscious need to protect himself, he’d dissociated. There he was, back as security camera guy —watching, but not taking part. He hoped nobody would notice, but Marlo spoke to him, her voice floating, away in the distance. Calliope thunked her head into his lap, and he placed his hand on her, feeling her warmth. But, dammit, he couldn’t pull himself out of that corner.
Suddenly he heard Lulah curse. Oh, bad girl, Lulah. No dirty language in front of handsome, totally-got-his-shit-together, Mike, the dog trainer. She approached him, he could smell her and, at the same speed as he’d left, he was back. Lulah reached out to touch his shoulder, and he heard Adam warn her not to crowd him.
Misery washed through him like a dirty tide. He wanted to leave, hating feeling this way, like the lunatic at the picnic. He stood, easing his thigh out from beneath the press of Calliope’s head. “Sorry,” he spoke to the space on the floor a foot ahead of him, “I have to go.”
In that moment, Adam was alongside him. He took hold of his sleeve, out of the view of the others in the room, and bent close to his ear. “Hey, Vince, where are you at the moment?”
Vince stared back at him, his mouth dry, the smell of dust in his nostrils. “I’m nowhere. Absolutely nowhere.”
Adam tugged his sleeve. “Okay. You and I are stepping outside for a couple of minutes for you to take some air, and when you’ve recovered, we’re coming back in here. Understand?”
It sounded so close to a threat that Vince wanted to thump him. “This isn’t going well,” he replied through clenched teeth.
Adam hadn’t moved or released him. “And that’s why we’re stepping out together.” He turned to the others in the room. “Give us a minute, will you?”
Vince felt like the bad kid in the classroom, and he rounded on Adam as soon as they were away from the office. “I’m not a fucking child.”
“I’m not treating you like one, but you needed a breather and I’m following along to make sure you return to the office rather than climbing in your pickup and driving off. Okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“Bullshit. Now, go through your breathing routine and let me know when you’re back.”
“And if I don’t?” Yep, now he was the child.
“In case you hadn’t noticed, Lulah is sitting in that room, wishing and praying that this is all going to turn out fine.”
“Which is precisely why I don’t need the pressure of this.”
“Come on, Vince. There’s a lot riding on this for you, for Lulah. Ultimately, it’s taking pressure off you. Now, will you do the breathing thing before I call Marlo out here to take a stick to you?”
Yeah, he could do it. He could do it for Gable, and for Lulah. As he breathed and made himself take note of his surroundings his anxiety reduced. The dirty tide still sloshed at his inner shore, but he knew he’d make it through the next couple of hours.
Mike had a ton of questions, and some of them felt pretty intrusive. At one stage Vince suggested they request his file from his counselor at the
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