watch their every move. That they would have to fear committing that magical, elusive thing that could send them to a pit of fire for their transgressions. I clenched my teeth and scrubbed with renewed vigor.
My mind traveled back to a particularly painful memory from my childhood. I was only twelve at the time, a vulnerable age, going through puberty, my body starting to undergo awkward changes. I’d never forget the day I started my menstrual cycle. Jen had already begun hers and assured me it was normal. Her mother talked with me and gave me a box of personal items, she even took me out for an ice cream to “celebrate”. I, of course, had to tell my mom that evening that I had started.
I tried to just breeze past the topic, assure her I knew what was happening, and then quickly change the subject. Unfortunately, my mom and dad had to take the opportunity to remind me how my body was changing and that I would have to work extra hard to be more godly and curb my womanly nature to engage in sinful, carnal acts of the flesh. My father made sure I knew that as a woman it would come natural for me to act on my “instincts” and give in to my whorish impulses that could lead me onto a path that would surely lead me straight to the gates of Hell.
Now that I thought back on that day and so many others like it, I could see why Beau Montgomery pissed me off as much as he did when he spread all those false rumors about me being loose in high school. Part of me was afraid that everything my dad said was true, part of me was scared shitless that I was just as broken and sinful as I was told I was and that I deserved whatever eternal hell I would find at the end of my life. Part of me wished I could have been the perfect, straight-and-narrow daughter my daddy always said he wished he’d had. Instead, he’d gotten me.
“Wait, she doesn’t want to talk right now … give her a few days.” Jen’s voice sounded panicked from around the side of the house. Matt came striding around the house, his eyes glinting dangerously. A man on a mission. I was still on my hands and knees with suds all around me.
“Why wouldn’t you take my calls?” Matt demanded. He spoke through clenched teeth and his eyes dared me to say I hadn’t been avoiding talking to him.
“Tell me right now if you want him gone, Beth, and I’ll throw his country bumpkin behind right off my property!” Jen’s hands were on her hips, her hair was coming loose from her braid, and little wisps were flying all around her head, making her look like a crazed momma hen. She had to be at least six inches shorter than Matt and fifty pounds lighter, but she meant every word she said, even if it were technically impossible for her to follow through. Matt’s brow rose in surprise.
“It’s okay, Jen. I’ll talk to him.” I sighed. “But, um, thanks for the offer.” She cast one last glare in Matt’s direction before turning to huff back to the front of the house.
“She can be terrifying,” Matt murmured.
“You have no idea,” I grumbled.
“So, I’ll be coming here to pick you up in a few days for our date,” he announced, his eyes never wavering from mine. I shook my head and opened my mouth to reply. “That’s all I was calling about, to make sure you knew when to be ready for our date.”
“Matt … I just don’t think that is a good idea.” I sat back on my heels, dropped the scrub brush I’d been holding, and wiped my hand on my jean shorts.
“Why? Because of what happened this morning in town?” he asked, his eyes searching mine. “Because that wasn’t your fault, you know. And I would have done the exact same thing if it had been you, my momma, or any other woman who needed my help.”
“It’s not just that, Matt. It’s just not going to work between me and you, you have to see that.” I stood up and made my way over to stand in front of him. “You are a good man, I can tell that, but just not the man for me.” A sharp pain of
My mind traveled back to a particularly painful memory from my childhood. I was only twelve at the time, a vulnerable age, going through puberty, my body starting to undergo awkward changes. I’d never forget the day I started my menstrual cycle. Jen had already begun hers and assured me it was normal. Her mother talked with me and gave me a box of personal items, she even took me out for an ice cream to “celebrate”. I, of course, had to tell my mom that evening that I had started.
I tried to just breeze past the topic, assure her I knew what was happening, and then quickly change the subject. Unfortunately, my mom and dad had to take the opportunity to remind me how my body was changing and that I would have to work extra hard to be more godly and curb my womanly nature to engage in sinful, carnal acts of the flesh. My father made sure I knew that as a woman it would come natural for me to act on my “instincts” and give in to my whorish impulses that could lead me onto a path that would surely lead me straight to the gates of Hell.
Now that I thought back on that day and so many others like it, I could see why Beau Montgomery pissed me off as much as he did when he spread all those false rumors about me being loose in high school. Part of me was afraid that everything my dad said was true, part of me was scared shitless that I was just as broken and sinful as I was told I was and that I deserved whatever eternal hell I would find at the end of my life. Part of me wished I could have been the perfect, straight-and-narrow daughter my daddy always said he wished he’d had. Instead, he’d gotten me.
“Wait, she doesn’t want to talk right now … give her a few days.” Jen’s voice sounded panicked from around the side of the house. Matt came striding around the house, his eyes glinting dangerously. A man on a mission. I was still on my hands and knees with suds all around me.
“Why wouldn’t you take my calls?” Matt demanded. He spoke through clenched teeth and his eyes dared me to say I hadn’t been avoiding talking to him.
“Tell me right now if you want him gone, Beth, and I’ll throw his country bumpkin behind right off my property!” Jen’s hands were on her hips, her hair was coming loose from her braid, and little wisps were flying all around her head, making her look like a crazed momma hen. She had to be at least six inches shorter than Matt and fifty pounds lighter, but she meant every word she said, even if it were technically impossible for her to follow through. Matt’s brow rose in surprise.
“It’s okay, Jen. I’ll talk to him.” I sighed. “But, um, thanks for the offer.” She cast one last glare in Matt’s direction before turning to huff back to the front of the house.
“She can be terrifying,” Matt murmured.
“You have no idea,” I grumbled.
“So, I’ll be coming here to pick you up in a few days for our date,” he announced, his eyes never wavering from mine. I shook my head and opened my mouth to reply. “That’s all I was calling about, to make sure you knew when to be ready for our date.”
“Matt … I just don’t think that is a good idea.” I sat back on my heels, dropped the scrub brush I’d been holding, and wiped my hand on my jean shorts.
“Why? Because of what happened this morning in town?” he asked, his eyes searching mine. “Because that wasn’t your fault, you know. And I would have done the exact same thing if it had been you, my momma, or any other woman who needed my help.”
“It’s not just that, Matt. It’s just not going to work between me and you, you have to see that.” I stood up and made my way over to stand in front of him. “You are a good man, I can tell that, but just not the man for me.” A sharp pain of
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