_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
Changes I noticed in myself during this exercise: _________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
62 / Talk Sexy to the One You Love
A lot of people giggle when they read Exercise 8 for the first time. They think that making noises like this seems silly, and they can’t imagine how it could possibly enhance their lovemaking. Are you feeling the same way? Then let me tell you a story—a true, and very typical story about one of my clients.
The Story of Anna M.
Anna M. came to me for counseling after being referred by her closest friend. Anna loved her husband very much, but their sex was lifeless, bordering on intoler-able. Anna told me she was absolutely tongue-tied in bed. She never said a word. She said, in fact, that she was so self-conscious she couldn’t even make noise.
Anna desperately wanted things to change, which was a strong motivator, but she really didn’t know where to begin. She started by reading several popular sex books, but that didn’t help. On the contrary, it made her feel like everyone else on the planet was more liberated than she was. Determined to keep trying, Anna was then courageous enough to look at a few soft-core instructional videos. What she saw excited her—particularly the way the man and woman talked to each other—but she just couldn’t picture herself saying sexy words or asking for sexual things.
It was at this point that Anna came to my office for the first time. After listening to Anna Getting Connected / 63
share her experiences and her frustrations, I knew we needed to introduce change in the slowest, most gentle fashion. So the very first thing I did was give Anna Exercise 6 as a homework assignment. Anna loved this assignment because she didn’t have to do anything but observe her husband while they were making love. Lo and behold, the very first thing Anna observed was that her husband actually made a lot of noise—all kinds of noise. Anna was fascinated by this discovery. She had always been so consumed by her own “internal dialogue of dissatisfaction and fear,” as she phrased it, that she had never noticed how expressive her husband was.
Anna’s second assignment was Exercise 7, which proved to yield equally surprising results. Anna had originally told me that she never made as much as a peep in bed, but what she discovered by observing herself was that she actually made a number of very subtle noises at different moments during lovemaking.
Even she had to admit that she was not the ice cube she portrayed herself to be.
Anna’s third assignment, Exercise 8, proved to be the breakthrough assignment. She started off very slowly, moaning softly every time her husband moaned. Anna was able to do this with a minimal amount of fear once she realized that if she timed her moans right, they went practically undetected, being covered up by the louder moans of her partner. This actually gave her a chance to get comfortable consciously moaning at various volumes.
64 / Talk Sexy to the One You Love
After a little bit of practice, Anna noticed that her moaning became almost automatic, just like breathing.
She also noticed that she was getting comfortable moaning at louder and louder volumes.
As Anna’s volume increased, something else began to happen—something she never expected. Though he was still not conscious that Anna was doing anything different, her husband started responding to her sounds. On a subliminal level, his body was beginning to get the message. He was clearly getting more excited during sex, and his moans became louder and faster.
Well, these changes got Anna excited too. The next thing she knew, she was moaning louder and faster with
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
Changes I noticed in myself during this exercise: _________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
62 / Talk Sexy to the One You Love
A lot of people giggle when they read Exercise 8 for the first time. They think that making noises like this seems silly, and they can’t imagine how it could possibly enhance their lovemaking. Are you feeling the same way? Then let me tell you a story—a true, and very typical story about one of my clients.
The Story of Anna M.
Anna M. came to me for counseling after being referred by her closest friend. Anna loved her husband very much, but their sex was lifeless, bordering on intoler-able. Anna told me she was absolutely tongue-tied in bed. She never said a word. She said, in fact, that she was so self-conscious she couldn’t even make noise.
Anna desperately wanted things to change, which was a strong motivator, but she really didn’t know where to begin. She started by reading several popular sex books, but that didn’t help. On the contrary, it made her feel like everyone else on the planet was more liberated than she was. Determined to keep trying, Anna was then courageous enough to look at a few soft-core instructional videos. What she saw excited her—particularly the way the man and woman talked to each other—but she just couldn’t picture herself saying sexy words or asking for sexual things.
It was at this point that Anna came to my office for the first time. After listening to Anna Getting Connected / 63
share her experiences and her frustrations, I knew we needed to introduce change in the slowest, most gentle fashion. So the very first thing I did was give Anna Exercise 6 as a homework assignment. Anna loved this assignment because she didn’t have to do anything but observe her husband while they were making love. Lo and behold, the very first thing Anna observed was that her husband actually made a lot of noise—all kinds of noise. Anna was fascinated by this discovery. She had always been so consumed by her own “internal dialogue of dissatisfaction and fear,” as she phrased it, that she had never noticed how expressive her husband was.
Anna’s second assignment was Exercise 7, which proved to yield equally surprising results. Anna had originally told me that she never made as much as a peep in bed, but what she discovered by observing herself was that she actually made a number of very subtle noises at different moments during lovemaking.
Even she had to admit that she was not the ice cube she portrayed herself to be.
Anna’s third assignment, Exercise 8, proved to be the breakthrough assignment. She started off very slowly, moaning softly every time her husband moaned. Anna was able to do this with a minimal amount of fear once she realized that if she timed her moans right, they went practically undetected, being covered up by the louder moans of her partner. This actually gave her a chance to get comfortable consciously moaning at various volumes.
64 / Talk Sexy to the One You Love
After a little bit of practice, Anna noticed that her moaning became almost automatic, just like breathing.
She also noticed that she was getting comfortable moaning at louder and louder volumes.
As Anna’s volume increased, something else began to happen—something she never expected. Though he was still not conscious that Anna was doing anything different, her husband started responding to her sounds. On a subliminal level, his body was beginning to get the message. He was clearly getting more excited during sex, and his moans became louder and faster.
Well, these changes got Anna excited too. The next thing she knew, she was moaning louder and faster with
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