The Adulterer's Unofficial Guide to Family Vacations, A Novel by Leslie Langtry

Prince Phillip.Maybe they were all swingers, swapping spouses when the parks closed.After all, they do shack up in that one castle.
    “How about some lunch?” Alan addressed the munchkins.
    Lunch?Was it lunch time already?All morning I’d just been thinking about adulterous sex and imposing it on innocent, make-believe characters.
    “Which fictional character would you sleep with?” I found myself asking Alan while the kids guzzled pizza.
    He didn’t appear surprised, just rubbed his hands together thoughtfully, “Maleficent, I think.”
    “The evil witch from Sleeping Beauty?Why?”
    “Well,” he placed his napkin on the table, “she’s attractive, and wicked.And with her magic who knows what skills she has in bed?”
    I couldn’t help but laugh, “I pegged you as the deflowering the virgin type – you know, Sleeping Beauty or Snow White.”
    “Jail bait,” he responded, “too young and they wouldn’t know anything about foreplay.”
    I nodded, “True.I just thought you would prefer something young and ripe.”
    Alan shook his head, “No.The sadder-but-wiser girl’s the girl for me,” he sang the refrain from The Music Man. How about you?”
    I rubbed my chin, thinking, “I don’t know.”Since we were on that theme, scores of Disney movies filled my mind.“Probably Buzz Lightyear.He has a good motto.”
    “To infinity, and beyond?” Alan offered with a smile, “And he has rockets strapped to his back.Interesting choice.A bit square though.Definitely a virgin.”
    “I know.That’s why I also like Aladdin.He’s soooo naughty.He’d have a little experience under the sash.”
    “You know what,” Alan leaned in, “he kind of looks like me, too.”
    That caught me off guard.Aladdin did look like Alan.Even the name was similar.Well, that is, if you took out the ‘ddi,’ “Are you reading something into my choice?”
    “Is there something to read into your choice?” He countered innocently.
    Hmmm . . . cold shower last night, and he wanted to be my cartoon fantasy lover, or at least be compared to him.Was Alan coming onto me?Or was this just an amusing kind of word foreplay for him?That was something to think about.
    My cell phone rang.Mike’s name appeared on the screen and with a sly grin at Alan, I answered it.
    “Hey Laura, having fun?” Mike’s voice filled my ear.
    “Yes, we’re having lunch right now.” I kept my tone light, but not inviting.
    “Great.I had a minute so I thought I would check in.Oh, and I won’t be able to call tonight.Bob, Ray and I are going to work on our presentation until late, right guys?” In the background I heard the men agreeing.
    For a split second, I wondered if it was really a Roberta and Raylene.It wouldn’t be the first time.
    “Ok.I’ll turn the phone off then to save the battery.Bye!”
    “Bye.” He clicked off before I could respond.The Bastard.
    “He can’t call tonight,” I explained with a sigh, “have you heard from Susan?”
    Alan’s smile faded, “She called for two minutes between court appearances this morning.She didn’t even ask if we were having a good time.”
    “Well,” I said slowly, unsure if I was stepping on a nerve, “she’ll find out when she sees the pictures.Especially the one of us as a family with the castle in the background.”I reached into my bag and pulled out the photo we’d had taken the first day.I carried the wallet around with me but kept the 5x7 at the hotel.
    Alan and I stood in the back, our heads together with the kids mixed in front of us.Alice, the dark-haired beauty with two front teeth missing, had her arms around my fair-haired little Jenny.Blonde, blue-eyed Ben was holding green-eyed brunette Jack’s hand.I found myself staring at my image.I was the same height as Alan, but my hair was dirty blonde, short and curly.My light skin and blue eyes contrasted with Alan’s golden complexion and dark hair.We were all smiling as if we had just won the lottery.
    “I like that picture,”