my eyes shoot open. I didn’t realize I’d been pinching them shut. I can make out the side of his cheek in the darkness. The sliver of light allows me to see just a little bit. Sean’s lips are parted and his eyes are shut. He’s lost, and I wonder if he knows he’s fucking me at that moment or if it even matters.
When he finally pushes into me one last time, it feels like I’ve been rubbed raw. He shudders as he fills me, and the stinging abates when he pulls out. Sean releases his hold on my mouth and pushes the box open. Without a word he stands and steps out. He doesn’t look down at me, ask me if I’m all right, or offer his hand.
I lay there with the lid open and shiver, half seeing my dorm room ceiling and half blinking away images of the funeral home. I stared at the ceiling for hours when my parents died. I know every inch of that funeral home and one day it’ll be me laying there.
“Breathe.” The command breaks my thoughts and my eyes cut to the side. Sean is standing there naked, and staring down, like he can’t stand the sight of me.
I should hold my breath to spite him. What happened? A small logical voice in the far corner of my mind sounds out, asking the obvious question. Why is he angry?
I don’t know.
I suck in air and Sean turns his back on me again. “Do you have towels?”
“They’re in the bathroom. Through that door.” I jab my thumb in the right direction and Sean disappears into the tiny room. I hear the water turn on. He doesn’t invite me in.
I lay in the box, staring at the ceiling, wondering if I should ask him the questions floating through my mind. I don’t feel like moving. Actually, I want to cry. Why did I let him do this to me? I liked it at first, but not this time. What was different? I don’t understand, but I need to know.
CHAPTER 11
I push up and brush off the foam, before padding into the bathroom. The little room is filled with steam. Sean is standing silently in the shower with his head down and the water beating over his neck. I can see his outline when I walk in. He doesn’t move or look over at me.
I make sure the doors are locked and pull open the curtain. He won’t meet my gaze. “Sean?”
“I shouldn’t have done that.” His voice is level, even. There’s no hint of remorse even though his words were an apology. He’s shutting down, and locking me out. I won’t know what’s going on inside his head if I don’t jump in now. It might already be too late.
I don’t know what to say so I start talking. “You don’t have to fix everything by yourself. We made a mistake.”
This makes him glance up at me. The water runs down his cheeks and shoulders. There’s no expression on his face. I can’t read him at all. There’s no clue to what he’s thinking other than his words. “It was my error, not yours.”
I step into the shower with him. “Maybe it wasn’t a mistake. Maybe it was something else. I liked it last time—the time in the elevator. The feelings were similar, but this time they derailed. I don’t understand why.”
Sean closes his eyes and turns away from me. He rinses off and tries to step out, but I grab his wrist. I flash my ring at him. “I’m going to be your wife, remember? We take chances together and when they don’t work out, we fix them. This didn’t work. I need to know why.”
Sean doesn’t look at the ring. He just stares at me with that arrogant look in his eye, like he knows but won’t tell me. “No, you really don’t. We won’t do it again, so put it out of your mind.”
He tries to pull away, but I don’t let him. “Sean!”
“Avery, not now. Don’t push this. Leave it alone.” The steadiness in his voice is gone. There’s a slight tremor, a warning note to let me know not to push him, but I have to. I can’t let it go.
“Just tell me.”
“You don’t need to know.”
“Like Hell I don’t! Do you
When he finally pushes into me one last time, it feels like I’ve been rubbed raw. He shudders as he fills me, and the stinging abates when he pulls out. Sean releases his hold on my mouth and pushes the box open. Without a word he stands and steps out. He doesn’t look down at me, ask me if I’m all right, or offer his hand.
I lay there with the lid open and shiver, half seeing my dorm room ceiling and half blinking away images of the funeral home. I stared at the ceiling for hours when my parents died. I know every inch of that funeral home and one day it’ll be me laying there.
“Breathe.” The command breaks my thoughts and my eyes cut to the side. Sean is standing there naked, and staring down, like he can’t stand the sight of me.
I should hold my breath to spite him. What happened? A small logical voice in the far corner of my mind sounds out, asking the obvious question. Why is he angry?
I don’t know.
I suck in air and Sean turns his back on me again. “Do you have towels?”
“They’re in the bathroom. Through that door.” I jab my thumb in the right direction and Sean disappears into the tiny room. I hear the water turn on. He doesn’t invite me in.
I lay in the box, staring at the ceiling, wondering if I should ask him the questions floating through my mind. I don’t feel like moving. Actually, I want to cry. Why did I let him do this to me? I liked it at first, but not this time. What was different? I don’t understand, but I need to know.
CHAPTER 11
I push up and brush off the foam, before padding into the bathroom. The little room is filled with steam. Sean is standing silently in the shower with his head down and the water beating over his neck. I can see his outline when I walk in. He doesn’t move or look over at me.
I make sure the doors are locked and pull open the curtain. He won’t meet my gaze. “Sean?”
“I shouldn’t have done that.” His voice is level, even. There’s no hint of remorse even though his words were an apology. He’s shutting down, and locking me out. I won’t know what’s going on inside his head if I don’t jump in now. It might already be too late.
I don’t know what to say so I start talking. “You don’t have to fix everything by yourself. We made a mistake.”
This makes him glance up at me. The water runs down his cheeks and shoulders. There’s no expression on his face. I can’t read him at all. There’s no clue to what he’s thinking other than his words. “It was my error, not yours.”
I step into the shower with him. “Maybe it wasn’t a mistake. Maybe it was something else. I liked it last time—the time in the elevator. The feelings were similar, but this time they derailed. I don’t understand why.”
Sean closes his eyes and turns away from me. He rinses off and tries to step out, but I grab his wrist. I flash my ring at him. “I’m going to be your wife, remember? We take chances together and when they don’t work out, we fix them. This didn’t work. I need to know why.”
Sean doesn’t look at the ring. He just stares at me with that arrogant look in his eye, like he knows but won’t tell me. “No, you really don’t. We won’t do it again, so put it out of your mind.”
He tries to pull away, but I don’t let him. “Sean!”
“Avery, not now. Don’t push this. Leave it alone.” The steadiness in his voice is gone. There’s a slight tremor, a warning note to let me know not to push him, but I have to. I can’t let it go.
“Just tell me.”
“You don’t need to know.”
“Like Hell I don’t! Do you
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