‘Whang-rage’ as field scientists refer to it.
As mentioned before, Fauxkes are unable at this stage of their evolution to literally change their skin colour, and so the Wanksta will instead attempt to use external trappings and ornamentations to distract the onlooker from the colour of his skin. These will include headdresses, bright shiny jewellery, enormous baggy shirts and pants, and branded undergarments which the Wanksta will take care to display to all, ensuring they recognise his status within Wanksta society, which is believed to be layered and complex, although nobody has ever been bothered to find out exactly how.
Perhaps most notable, though, is the manner in which the Wanksta will – indeed, like a mynah – assume the vocalisations of different species to convince others that he is not, in fact, a Wanksta. By mimicking these foreign mating calls and dialects, the Wanksta apparently hopes to persuade the world at large that his skin is not, in fact, white. There are no recorded instances of this working. For reasons unknown, Wankstas will also mimic the hand movements of other cultures – a recent study put forward the tentative theory that Wankstas derive some sort of sexual enjoyment out of people making fun of them.
Another defining characteristic of the Wanksta is his predilection for hip-hop music. Due to this, like other Fauxkes, he is often mistaken for a Tunester, but a canny Bloke-lover can tell them apart by noting that the Wanksta will never listen to this music unless he knows someone is watching him, and only pretends to know the words.
Occasionally a Wanksta will come into contact with a genuine black man, at which point he will go into ‘survival mode’, pretending that he has never been a Wanksta, and trying to make himself as physically small as possible before quietly leaving the room.
Wankstas live mainly in outer suburban and regional areas so as to limit the possibility of meeting a black man.
The Reticulated Drainpipe , or Lesser Fringed Blither, is an urban Fauxke mostly found in narrow laneways and small, intimate clubs that you haven’t heard of. Drainpipes are one of the newer Bloke breeds, having only split from the main body of the Fauxke family in the last twenty years or so, but in that time they have multiplied to an astonishing extent, so that in some cities there are now more than sixteen per square metre. The rapid population growth can be attributed to the Drainpipe’s method of reproduction, which involves airborne spores and irony. Indeed, in certain areas Drainpipes have been declared a pest, and the council has placed bounties on them of up to $100 for every fringe handed in.
Reticulated Drainpipes are easily recognised by their spindly limbs, tight black jeans, and floppy crests, as well as their distinctive call, which, while difficult to describe in print, has been characterised by Drainpipe researchers as ‘the sound of someone asking for a punch in the face’. Drainpipe research is a gruelling and thankless field with an astronomically high suicide rate.
Colloquially, Reticulate Drainpipes are sometimes known as ‘hipsters’: this is believed to be a combination of the Greek ‘Hipp’, meaning ‘man’, and the Latin ‘Steres’, meaning ‘who listens to Cat Power’. Recent studies, however, have shown the term to be a misnomer, as Drainpipes do not, in fact, listen to Cat Power; they just put her CDs on shelves so visitors can see them.
Drainpipes are curious Blokes and appear to have no fear of non-Drainpipes – they can often be seen approaching ordinary people, standing next to them and pointedly putting on their headphones so the other person knows they’re being ignored. It was thought that these interactions sprang from a genuine desire to socialise with others, but it has since been discovered that they are actually Drainpipe feeding frenzies. The Reticulated Drainpipe’s main food is superiority, and a five-minute conversation with
As mentioned before, Fauxkes are unable at this stage of their evolution to literally change their skin colour, and so the Wanksta will instead attempt to use external trappings and ornamentations to distract the onlooker from the colour of his skin. These will include headdresses, bright shiny jewellery, enormous baggy shirts and pants, and branded undergarments which the Wanksta will take care to display to all, ensuring they recognise his status within Wanksta society, which is believed to be layered and complex, although nobody has ever been bothered to find out exactly how.
Perhaps most notable, though, is the manner in which the Wanksta will – indeed, like a mynah – assume the vocalisations of different species to convince others that he is not, in fact, a Wanksta. By mimicking these foreign mating calls and dialects, the Wanksta apparently hopes to persuade the world at large that his skin is not, in fact, white. There are no recorded instances of this working. For reasons unknown, Wankstas will also mimic the hand movements of other cultures – a recent study put forward the tentative theory that Wankstas derive some sort of sexual enjoyment out of people making fun of them.
Another defining characteristic of the Wanksta is his predilection for hip-hop music. Due to this, like other Fauxkes, he is often mistaken for a Tunester, but a canny Bloke-lover can tell them apart by noting that the Wanksta will never listen to this music unless he knows someone is watching him, and only pretends to know the words.
Occasionally a Wanksta will come into contact with a genuine black man, at which point he will go into ‘survival mode’, pretending that he has never been a Wanksta, and trying to make himself as physically small as possible before quietly leaving the room.
Wankstas live mainly in outer suburban and regional areas so as to limit the possibility of meeting a black man.
The Reticulated Drainpipe , or Lesser Fringed Blither, is an urban Fauxke mostly found in narrow laneways and small, intimate clubs that you haven’t heard of. Drainpipes are one of the newer Bloke breeds, having only split from the main body of the Fauxke family in the last twenty years or so, but in that time they have multiplied to an astonishing extent, so that in some cities there are now more than sixteen per square metre. The rapid population growth can be attributed to the Drainpipe’s method of reproduction, which involves airborne spores and irony. Indeed, in certain areas Drainpipes have been declared a pest, and the council has placed bounties on them of up to $100 for every fringe handed in.
Reticulated Drainpipes are easily recognised by their spindly limbs, tight black jeans, and floppy crests, as well as their distinctive call, which, while difficult to describe in print, has been characterised by Drainpipe researchers as ‘the sound of someone asking for a punch in the face’. Drainpipe research is a gruelling and thankless field with an astronomically high suicide rate.
Colloquially, Reticulate Drainpipes are sometimes known as ‘hipsters’: this is believed to be a combination of the Greek ‘Hipp’, meaning ‘man’, and the Latin ‘Steres’, meaning ‘who listens to Cat Power’. Recent studies, however, have shown the term to be a misnomer, as Drainpipes do not, in fact, listen to Cat Power; they just put her CDs on shelves so visitors can see them.
Drainpipes are curious Blokes and appear to have no fear of non-Drainpipes – they can often be seen approaching ordinary people, standing next to them and pointedly putting on their headphones so the other person knows they’re being ignored. It was thought that these interactions sprang from a genuine desire to socialise with others, but it has since been discovered that they are actually Drainpipe feeding frenzies. The Reticulated Drainpipe’s main food is superiority, and a five-minute conversation with
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