The Book of Even More Awesome by Neil Pasricha

boots, and fire-pole down to your brain’s dusty archives. Suddenly they’re fishing through files, scanning databases , and booting up old hard drives to comb every neuron you’ve got for trace clues of who you’re staring at.
    Photos flash of high school dances, first jobs , and college parties. You imagine beards and mustaches, picture them in ballcaps, or mentally dye their hair blond. Your mind reels through old friends’ girlfriends, people who owe you money, and cousins from the other side of the family you met at a distant wedding.
    Or maybe you don’t recognize them for a while simply because they’re out of context . It’s your phys ed teacher squeezing melons at the grocery store, your barber jogging in a jumpsuit at the park, or the office assistant from your old job sweating buckets on the treadmill.
    Sometimes it seems like they’re looking at you the exact same way too. You wonder if their little brain men are combing through databases or if they recognize you but just aren’t saying anything. You wonder and wonder and think and think and stare and stare until!
    It clicks.
    And that’s a beautiful moment of sweet relief. The little brain men slam filing cabinets and cheer, one of them pulls the steam whistle and smoke flies out your ears, and a slow and satisfied smile curls onto your face as you finally place the mystery person.
    Then maybe you say hi or something.
    AWESOME!

When the houseguest leaves
    You’re here!!!
    Come in, come in , come in, make yourself at home, make yourself at home. Here, let me get your coat and I’ll throw your bag upstairs. Go ahead, grab a drink, have a seat, I’ll be right back.
    Okay, so! How are you! It’s so good to see you! Relax, sit down ... what can I get you? Are you hungry, thirsty? Do you want a Coke, orange juice, water? Just water? Alright, with or without ice? Are you sure you’re not hungry? Want like a grilled cheese or something? Oh, wait! I’ve got leftover lasagna from last night. Do you want some? No, no, I can’t eat it all anyway. Don’t worry about it. I’ll just heat up a piece, no problem. It’ll just be a second. Have a seat! Sit down, sit down, relax, you drove a long way. Relax!
    So ... what time do you usually get up? Me, I’m around 8:30. Oh ... no, no, no, that’s fine. I’ll just get up a bit earlier so you can jump in right after me. No, it’s no problem. I left some towels on your bed and there’s a hair dryer under the sink. Do you need an alarm clock? Oh, what do you like for breakfast? Yeah, yeah, I’ve got cereal. Actually, you know what, we need milk. I’m just going to pop to the corner and grab some real quick so we’re good for morning. No, it’s no problem! You can use my computer if you want to check your email before going to bed. I know you’re tired. Good night! Sleep tight!
    Morning!!! Did you sleep well? Oh ... sorry, I should have told you there were extra blankets in the closet. No, don’t worry about making the bed, I’ll wash the sheets tonight when I get home. I’m so glad you came over, honestly. It was great catching up. It’s been forever.
    Alright, have a great day. Take care, let’s talk soon. Thanks again for coming over!
    Bye!!!!!!!!!!
    AWESOME!

Placing the last piece of the puzzle
    I don’t have the patience for puzzles.
    If someone walks into the room shaking a big 500-piece box with a photo of a gray boulder balanced on a gray cliff , then I’m not having it.
    Okay, I might help you find the corner pieces or start the first edge, but that’s it. After it gets into the no-man’s-land of middle pieces, and people start making stack-piles of colors, passing around the box top and squinting, and silently trying to clip piece after piece after piece together, well, I just can’t take it anymore.
    When everybody crowds around the coffee table, I start sulking