The Customer Is Not Always Right: Hilarious and Horrific Tales of Customers Gone Wrong by A.J. Adams

a woman and her son, who looks about eight, storm outside and up to me at the box office.)
     
     
    C USTOMER: “I demand my money back for our movie!”
    M E: “Okay, no problem. Because it’s been within the first thirty minutes I can refund you the full price. What movie was it that you went to see?”
    C USTOMER:
“Sin City!?”
    M E: *begin to refund the two tickets*
    C USTOMER: “You know, this is ridiculous. You should have told me that this movie was inappropriate for my child. There’s not even a notice anywhere telling me this!”
    M E: “Uh …”
    C USTOMER: “H OW on earth was I supposed to know that this movie is inappropriate? You really should have told me!”
    M E: “Are you serious? The movie is rated 18A, the poster right in front of you has a half-naked lady dancing, AND it’s called
SIN City!
Did you expect it to be about bunnies and rainbows?”
    C USTOMER: *grabs her money and storms off with her son*

TECHNICALLY, THEY’RE BOTH RIGHT
    D ENTIST | M ICHIGAN
     
    (I overhear this at the dentist’s office, where the receptionist is scheduling an appointment for an elderly lady.)
     
     
    R ECEPTIONIST: “Okay, now I’ll need your phone number.”
    P ATIENT: “My number is 6.”
    R ECEPTIONIST: *writes that down* “Okay. What’s the rest?”
    P ATIENT: “My number is 6!”
    R ECEPTIONIST: “But what’s the rest?”
    P ATIENT: “My number is 6!”
    R ECEPTIONIST: “Ma’am, what is the rest of your phone number?”
    P ATIENT: “MY NUMBER IS 6!”
    (This goes on for a while.)
     
     
    R ECEPTIONIST: “Okay, listen, lady, your number can’t be 6!”
    P ATIENT: “YES, IT IS! My number is 6! When my daughter calls me, she dials 6!”
    (It turns out the elderly lady’s daughter has her as number 6 on speed dial. The receptionist never did get her real phone number.)
     
     

SELF-OVERFLOWING PROPHECIES
    C OFFEE S HOP | I OWA C ITY, I OWA
     
    C USTOMER: “I’d like a large coffee.”
    M E: “Okay, that’ll be $1.84. Would you like me to leave some room for cream?”
    C USTOMER: “Yes, please.”
    (I bring her the coffee with a little bit of room at the top.)
     
     
    C USTOMER: “You didn’t fill my coffee all the way full!”
    M E: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I thought you wanted some room for cream.”
    C USTOMER: “I do, but I don’t want you scamming me out of any coffee! If I pay $5 for a cup of coffee, I want my money’s worth!”
    M E: “But, ma’am, I can’t fill the cup all the way to the top if you want to put cream in the coffee. It will spill over.”
    C USTOMER: “I don’t care, just fill it!”
    (I fill the coffee cup up to the brim and hand it back to the customer. She then goes around the corner, out of my view, to the cream and sugar counter. She comes back forty-five seconds later with a large coffee stain on the front of her shirt.)
     
     
    C USTOMER: “LOOK AT ME! YOU MADE ME GET COFFEE ALL OVER MYSELF!”

PERHAPS A LITTLE BIT TOO FREE
    C OFFEE S HOP | V ENTURA, C ALIFORNIA
     
    (Woman walks in totally nude and grabs a muffin. She has a large, rather offensive tattoo from her bottom rib up to her neck.)
     
     
    M E: “Ma’am, you can’t just take those …”
    N UDIST: “Why, because of the tattoo?”
    M E: “No, because you need to pay for it first.”
    N UDIST: “It’s a free country!” *walks out*
    (I end up pulling out my wallet and paying for it myself, because getting arrested for chasing a nude chick down the street is not worth it.)
     
     

     

JUST WAIT UNTIL HE DISCOVERS FIRE AND THE WHEEL
    P EST C ONTROL | C HESTERFIELD, V IRGINIA
     
    (I’m visiting an apartment that has a bug problem; it’s mostly due to multiple cleanliness issues.)
     
     
    C USTOMER: “What can I do to get rid of these bugs?”
    M E: “I’d remove the trash, and dirt, and clean up all the spills so they have nothing to eat.”
    C USTOMER: “Where?”
    (I show the customer several areas.)
     
     
    M E: “See this on the wall? That buildup needs to be