The Customer Is Not Always Right: Hilarious and Horrific Tales of Customers Gone Wrong by A.J. Adams Page A

removed so they can’t eat it.”
    C USTOMER: “Sorry, my son got sick there yesterday. I don’t know what to clean it with. Do you?”
    M E: “Umm, soap and water?”
    C USTOMER: *shocked look* “Soap and water? You mean that REALLY works?”

WHEN STUPID PEOPLE ATTACK
    Z OO | N EW Y ORK, N EW Y ORK
     
    C USTOMER: “Hey, you!”
    M E: “How can I help you, ma’am?”
    C USTOMER: “These bears are extremely boring. I paid money to see the animals move around.”
    M E: “It’s very hot today, ma’am. Bears don’t like to move around much on hot days, and they sleep at least sixteen hours out of the day anyway.”
    C USTOMER: “I don’t care if it’s hot outside. Why won’t they do anything?”
    M E: “Ma’am, the bears are not required to move around for your entertainment.”
    C USTOMER: “Well, they should be!”
    M E: “They’re wild animals, ma’am. If they don’t want to move around, they don’t have to.”
    C USTOMER: “I want to see your superior! Maybe he will understand!”
    M ANAGER: “What seems to be the problem here?”
    C USTOMER: “These bears are boring!”
    M ANAGER: *tells her what I said about hot days*
    C USTOMER: “Go poke them or something. Make them move!”
    M E: “You’re asking me to go into an enclosed area with a group of thousand-pound carnivores, and poke them with a stick so that they can amuse you?”
    C USTOMER: “Yes! Just make them do something!”

TOO MUCH TIME SPENT AROUND AREA 51
    R ETAIL | L AS V EGAS, N EVADA
     
    (A customer puts several brightly colored plastic Easter eggs that have toys inside of them on the counter.)
     
     
    C USTOMER: “I want to return these.”
    C LERK: “I S there a problem with them?”
    C USTOMER: “I only let my kids play with educational toys, and these aren’t good for them.”
    C LERK: “Okay.”
    C USTOMER: “They have dinosaurs in them! But dinosaurs didn’t hatch from eggs!”
    C LERK: “Actually, ma’am, they did.”
    C USTOMER: “You can’t tell me that something that big came out of an egg. What do you know anyways, did you even finish high school? Look at where you work! I need educational toys for my kids.”
    C LERK: “I will be more than happy to return them. Did you want to exchange them for something else?”
    (The customer then puts several more eggs on the counter.)
     
     
    C USTOMER: “Yes, these with the aliens. I only want toys for my children that are accurate.”

TELLIN’ IT LIKE IT IS
    R ESTAURANT | B RADENTON, F LORIDA
     
    M E: “Hello! Welcome to [restaurant].”
    (I begin pouring water, as is customary at any restaurant.)
     
     
    W OMAN: “We didn’t ASK for water.”
    M E: “Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am. Should I bring you something else?”
    W OMAN: *sighs* “No! No! No! Fine! We’ll take the darn water.”
    (I proceed to bring her the menu, and she complains incessantly about everything she can think of until finally her entrée comes out.)
     
     
    W OMAN: “This isn’t what I ordered.”
    M E: “Ma’am, this is what you ordered. I can show you the bill … it’s clearly written that this is what you ordered.”
    W OMAN: “No it’s not! I DID NOT ORDER THIS!”
    M E: “You did now …”
    W OMAN, TO HUSBAND: “Come on, let’s leave!”
    H USBAND: “Why? Because you’re being a pain?”

NO CUSTOMER LEFT BEHIND
    G ROCERY S TORE | P ENNSYLVANIA
     
    C USTOMER: “Excuse me, could you help me find something?”
    C OWORKER: “Sure, what do you need?”
    C USTOMER: “Uhh, it’s white and fluffy, and smells good. Oh, and it’s grainy!”
    C OWORKER: “You mean … bread?”
    C USTOMER: “Yes, that!”

BORN TO OFFEND
    G AS S TATION | P ITTSBURGH, P ENNSYLVANIA
     
    M E: “Hello, ma’am. How may I help you?”
    W OMAN: “Oh, when is your baby due?”
    M E: “I’m not pregnant, ma’am, just fat.”
    W OMAN: “That’s very rude, you know. Pretending to be pregnant just so people can be nice to you!”
    M E: *gritting teeth* “I am not pretending anything,