climbing, trying to figure out the impossible puzzle of this life, but in the end you’re only left with a mess to clean up. Everything seemed unfair.
Why? Why? Why?
In silence, the ever accompanying silence, Andy and I took a bright-eyed baby downstairs to open Christmas gifts. She didn’t know what to do with them, except try to eat the paper, so we unwrapped them for her and smiled as she smiled. What a strange Christmas. Andy hadn’t left the house since he came back. The only time I left was to get a Christmas tree and groceries.
We tossed all the wrapping paper in a trash bag, then Andy pulled something out of the couch cushions.
“For you.” He handed me a small rectangular gift.
“I’m sorry. I have nothing for you. Didn’t know you’d be here.”
He shook his head. “I didn’t get you anything big.”
I unwrapped the paper and saw our faces smiling back. Young and excited. “Is this—?”
“It is. The first time you sang the song for me. The one you wrote for your future husband.”
I held the faces in my hand. Faces of people I didn’t know anymore. “I don’t remember taking a picture that night.”
“I took a quick one with my camera phone. Quality wasn’t as good with that phone, but good enough to have it printed.” He stood. “And I have another surprise.” He slipped a guitar out from under the couch. “I bought you another guitar. I know how much you loved to play and I always felt bad that we had to sell it to pay the bills, so I bought you another.”
I smiled. “Thank you. That’s sweet of you.” I didn’t ask how he made money when he was gone.
“One more surprise.” He opened the guitar case. “I learned to play a song. See if you can remember what it is.”
I see you smiling there
on the back of my eyes.
And when I open them wide
I see no one in sight.
And I’m looking for the face,
Looking for my love.
Where could he be tonight?
And so I find myself,
Lost and waiting.
Looking for the one
who’ll make my dreams come true.
We will walk this life together.
Hand in hand, dreams in tow,
Pulled in a little red wagon
With a little white bow.
We will dance under streetlights.
Kiss beneath the stars.
With a smiling moon above us,
We will disappear together.
Lost in all we have.
Cuz if home is where the heart is,
Then my home is here with you.
And I...
Don’t wanna bother you sir,
But could you tell me one thing?
Could you walk this life together
With nothing else but me?
Am I all that you need?
I tried to smile as he set the guitar aside and handed me a frame with the song lyrics inside. I wrote that song for my future husband and sang it to Andy when we first met. The day we believed we finally found our true home in each other as we danced by the crackling fire with hearts in our eyes. We were in love. We were happy.
I kissed him on the cheek and thanked him for learning the song.
He set the guitar down. Stared at me. Waited. For a reaction I couldn’t provide.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I really am.”
“You are doing the best you can, Andy. I appreciate it.”
“But the way you used to look at me. That sparkle in your eyes is gone.”
“I know you don’t remember because you were so wrapped up in your new job and friends, but that sparkle was gone before you left. It was gone way before the chaos of the life we now live.”
“Not like it is now.” He sat on the floor with Riley. I couldn’t get over his beard and long Axl Rose hair. I’m assuming he felt the need for a disguise. Quite strange.
“I’m trying to adjust,” I said. “I think the best thing we can do is start over without pressure. We need to fall in love again. With the people we are now. The longer we spend trying to recapture what we had in the past, the longer we will be frustrated.”
He nodded. I sat next to him on the floor. Touched his hand.
“Let’s take our rings off,” he said. “We’ll get new ones
Why? Why? Why?
In silence, the ever accompanying silence, Andy and I took a bright-eyed baby downstairs to open Christmas gifts. She didn’t know what to do with them, except try to eat the paper, so we unwrapped them for her and smiled as she smiled. What a strange Christmas. Andy hadn’t left the house since he came back. The only time I left was to get a Christmas tree and groceries.
We tossed all the wrapping paper in a trash bag, then Andy pulled something out of the couch cushions.
“For you.” He handed me a small rectangular gift.
“I’m sorry. I have nothing for you. Didn’t know you’d be here.”
He shook his head. “I didn’t get you anything big.”
I unwrapped the paper and saw our faces smiling back. Young and excited. “Is this—?”
“It is. The first time you sang the song for me. The one you wrote for your future husband.”
I held the faces in my hand. Faces of people I didn’t know anymore. “I don’t remember taking a picture that night.”
“I took a quick one with my camera phone. Quality wasn’t as good with that phone, but good enough to have it printed.” He stood. “And I have another surprise.” He slipped a guitar out from under the couch. “I bought you another guitar. I know how much you loved to play and I always felt bad that we had to sell it to pay the bills, so I bought you another.”
I smiled. “Thank you. That’s sweet of you.” I didn’t ask how he made money when he was gone.
“One more surprise.” He opened the guitar case. “I learned to play a song. See if you can remember what it is.”
I see you smiling there
on the back of my eyes.
And when I open them wide
I see no one in sight.
And I’m looking for the face,
Looking for my love.
Where could he be tonight?
And so I find myself,
Lost and waiting.
Looking for the one
who’ll make my dreams come true.
We will walk this life together.
Hand in hand, dreams in tow,
Pulled in a little red wagon
With a little white bow.
We will dance under streetlights.
Kiss beneath the stars.
With a smiling moon above us,
We will disappear together.
Lost in all we have.
Cuz if home is where the heart is,
Then my home is here with you.
And I...
Don’t wanna bother you sir,
But could you tell me one thing?
Could you walk this life together
With nothing else but me?
Am I all that you need?
I tried to smile as he set the guitar aside and handed me a frame with the song lyrics inside. I wrote that song for my future husband and sang it to Andy when we first met. The day we believed we finally found our true home in each other as we danced by the crackling fire with hearts in our eyes. We were in love. We were happy.
I kissed him on the cheek and thanked him for learning the song.
He set the guitar down. Stared at me. Waited. For a reaction I couldn’t provide.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I really am.”
“You are doing the best you can, Andy. I appreciate it.”
“But the way you used to look at me. That sparkle in your eyes is gone.”
“I know you don’t remember because you were so wrapped up in your new job and friends, but that sparkle was gone before you left. It was gone way before the chaos of the life we now live.”
“Not like it is now.” He sat on the floor with Riley. I couldn’t get over his beard and long Axl Rose hair. I’m assuming he felt the need for a disguise. Quite strange.
“I’m trying to adjust,” I said. “I think the best thing we can do is start over without pressure. We need to fall in love again. With the people we are now. The longer we spend trying to recapture what we had in the past, the longer we will be frustrated.”
He nodded. I sat next to him on the floor. Touched his hand.
“Let’s take our rings off,” he said. “We’ll get new ones
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