The Slacker's Guide to U.S. History: The Bare Minimum on Discovering America, the Boston Tea Party, the California Gold Rush, and Lots of Other Stuff Dead White Guys Did by Don Stewart Page B
Authors: Don Stewart
Ads: Link
the British met surprisingly little resistance as they marched single-file, wearing bright red vests, into Washington, D.C., where they burned the place down including President James Madison's love shack, otherwise known as the White House. After easily invading Washington, British commanders agreed to a plan of reacquisition.
Just as quickly as the tide had turned in favor of the Spice Girls' great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfathers, the U.S. military scored a game-changing victory when the U.S. Navy soundly won the battle of Lake Champlain, driving the British back into the frozen Canadian tundra. As word of the beat down reached the British team of negotiators responsible for agreeing to the terms of a peace treaty, the British quickly gave up their desire of laying claim to any U.S. territory and instead agreed to basically redraw the map of land ownership to its prewar positions. With the war over, American pride swelled like a college freshman, as the young nation had held its own against the evil British Empire.
Effectively, the War of 1812 concluded as a draw. Neither side had much to show for their efforts after the signing of the “lets make peace” treaty. But, with the battle-tested British fighting for their young Canadian brother, there was a lot of potential for this conflict to end in a Canadian land grab. For America, the battle of Lake Champlain was the difference maker. However, if the British/Canadian armed forces had proven victorious in this battle, it is likely they would have continued on their quest of acquiring more land in the United States.
In fact, it is possible that the entire contiguous land mass known as the United States would currently be flying the Canadian flag. The red, white, and blue would be the red and white. The army of one would literally be an army of one. Pictures of dead presidents on our currency would have to move over and make room for pictures of dead queens and equally dead prime ministers.AND MOST OF ALL, THERE WOULD BE NO SECOND AMENDMENT DEBATE, AS THE RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS WOULD BE EXCHANGED FOR THE RIGHT TO WEAR LONG UNDERWEAR IN THE SUMMER.
Since the United States was nearly Canada, the following multiple-choice, true/false quiz will test your Canadian IQ. Luckily, Canadians are known for being polite and forgiving, so you may take the test more than once and just like with the new SAT Score Choice, only your highest score will count.
Questions
1. Canadians abandoned the imperial measuring system years ago in favor of the more widely used international language of measurement the metric system. What is Canadian born actor Michael J. Fox's approximate height in centimeters?
a. 57 cm.
b. 245 cm
c. 164 cm
d. 327 cm
2. Approximately how many African-Canadians live in Canada?
a. 600,000
b. 8,400,000
c. 13
d. 3,500,000
3. Are American woman the only ones who marry older powerful and influential men?
a. Yes
b. No
4. Canadians measure their outside temperature in degrees of Celsius not Fahrenheit. What is the equivalent U.S. measurement for 22 degrees Celsius?
a. 57
b. 67
c. 77
d. 87
5. Canadians are known for their love of beer; what is the most popular Canadian-owned brewing company in Canada?
a. Labatt's Brewing Company Ltd.
b. Molson Coors Brewing Company
c. Sleeman's Breweries Ltd.
d. Moosehead Breweries Limited
6. Which of the following porn stars was born in Canada?
a. Tiffany Towers
b. Sunrise Adams
c. Amanda Lexx
d. Sunny Lane
7. By government decree, what is Canada's national sport?
a. Badminton
b. Lacrosse
c. Hockey
d. Volleyball
8. True or False: Canadians have more annual sex than their American counterparts.
9. If you step on a Canadian's foot while waiting in line, should you:
a. Apologize immediately
b. Ignore it and pretend like nothing happened
c. Pretend you rolled your ankle to gain the sympathy of your Canadian victim
d. Wait for them to say they're “soorry”
10. True or False: Famed
Just as quickly as the tide had turned in favor of the Spice Girls' great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfathers, the U.S. military scored a game-changing victory when the U.S. Navy soundly won the battle of Lake Champlain, driving the British back into the frozen Canadian tundra. As word of the beat down reached the British team of negotiators responsible for agreeing to the terms of a peace treaty, the British quickly gave up their desire of laying claim to any U.S. territory and instead agreed to basically redraw the map of land ownership to its prewar positions. With the war over, American pride swelled like a college freshman, as the young nation had held its own against the evil British Empire.
Effectively, the War of 1812 concluded as a draw. Neither side had much to show for their efforts after the signing of the “lets make peace” treaty. But, with the battle-tested British fighting for their young Canadian brother, there was a lot of potential for this conflict to end in a Canadian land grab. For America, the battle of Lake Champlain was the difference maker. However, if the British/Canadian armed forces had proven victorious in this battle, it is likely they would have continued on their quest of acquiring more land in the United States.
In fact, it is possible that the entire contiguous land mass known as the United States would currently be flying the Canadian flag. The red, white, and blue would be the red and white. The army of one would literally be an army of one. Pictures of dead presidents on our currency would have to move over and make room for pictures of dead queens and equally dead prime ministers.AND MOST OF ALL, THERE WOULD BE NO SECOND AMENDMENT DEBATE, AS THE RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS WOULD BE EXCHANGED FOR THE RIGHT TO WEAR LONG UNDERWEAR IN THE SUMMER.
Since the United States was nearly Canada, the following multiple-choice, true/false quiz will test your Canadian IQ. Luckily, Canadians are known for being polite and forgiving, so you may take the test more than once and just like with the new SAT Score Choice, only your highest score will count.
Questions
1. Canadians abandoned the imperial measuring system years ago in favor of the more widely used international language of measurement the metric system. What is Canadian born actor Michael J. Fox's approximate height in centimeters?
a. 57 cm.
b. 245 cm
c. 164 cm
d. 327 cm
2. Approximately how many African-Canadians live in Canada?
a. 600,000
b. 8,400,000
c. 13
d. 3,500,000
3. Are American woman the only ones who marry older powerful and influential men?
a. Yes
b. No
4. Canadians measure their outside temperature in degrees of Celsius not Fahrenheit. What is the equivalent U.S. measurement for 22 degrees Celsius?
a. 57
b. 67
c. 77
d. 87
5. Canadians are known for their love of beer; what is the most popular Canadian-owned brewing company in Canada?
a. Labatt's Brewing Company Ltd.
b. Molson Coors Brewing Company
c. Sleeman's Breweries Ltd.
d. Moosehead Breweries Limited
6. Which of the following porn stars was born in Canada?
a. Tiffany Towers
b. Sunrise Adams
c. Amanda Lexx
d. Sunny Lane
7. By government decree, what is Canada's national sport?
a. Badminton
b. Lacrosse
c. Hockey
d. Volleyball
8. True or False: Canadians have more annual sex than their American counterparts.
9. If you step on a Canadian's foot while waiting in line, should you:
a. Apologize immediately
b. Ignore it and pretend like nothing happened
c. Pretend you rolled your ankle to gain the sympathy of your Canadian victim
d. Wait for them to say they're “soorry”
10. True or False: Famed
Similar Books
