possessing some small degree of intelligence—and this does on occasion happen—their existence will be filled with great mental suffering. For, upon attaining the first stage of consciousness, they immediately begin to search their surroundings for the cause of their own origin and, unable to find it there, turn in confusion and despair to blind, delusive faiths. In particular, since the normal course of evolutionary processes in the Universe is unknown to them, they take their physical shape, however hideous it may be, as well as their way—such as it is—of thinking, for ordinary phenomena, entirely typical of those manifested throughout the macrocosm. And therefore, out of deep concern for the well-being and dignity of life in general, and of sentient beings in particular, the General Assembly of the UP resolves and decrees that whosoever violates this contraceptive article of the UP Charter, effective immediately, shall be subject to sanctions and penalties pursuant to the terms of the corresponding paragraphs of the Code of Interplanetary Law.
The Iridian, putting aside the UP Charter, lifted a massive volume of the Code, which nimble assistants placed in his tentacles, and, opening that monumental tome to the right page, read in a ringing voice:
“Volume Two of the Interplanetary Penal Code, Section Eighty, entitled, ‘On Planetary Incontinence.’”
Paragraph 212: The impregnating of a planet naturally barren is punishable by no less than one hundred, no more than one thousand five hundred years of full astrocism, irrespective of any civil liability for the moral and material losses suffered by the victims.
Paragraph 213: The infraction of paragraph 212, aggravated by the conspicuous presence of malicious intent, as evidenced by manipulations of a wanton nature and with premeditation, whose purpose is the evolution of life forms singularly disfigured, to inspire universal fear or universal revulsion, is punishable by astrocism and distellation of up to one thousand five hundred years.
Paragraph 214: The impregnating of a barren planet as a result of carelessness, oversight or through the slipshod application of appropriate contraceptive measures, is punishable by astrocism of up to four hundred years; if the act is committed in relative ignorance or otherwise reduced awareness of its consequences, the sentence may be reduced to a hundred years.
“I make no mention,” added the Iridian, “of the penalties for interfering with an evolutionary process in statu nascendi, as that does not concern us here. However I would like to point out that the Code does provide for the material liability of the perpetrators with respect to the victims of their planetary incontinence; I will not quote the relevant sections of the Civil Code, for fear of altogether exhausting the patience of the members of this Assembly. I note only that in the catalog of spheres held to be definitively barren by hyperdoctor Phrogghrus no less than by the United Planets Charter and Interplanetary Penal Code, we find on page two thousand six hundred and eighteen, eighth line from the bottom, the following heavenly bodies: Ea, Eagron, Earlsharn, Earth, East Bong, Eblis …”
My mouth fell open, the certification papers slipped from my hand, it grew dark before my eyes. (“Pay attention!” they were shouting in the hall. “Hear, hear! Who does he mean?! Down with—! Long live—!”) As for me, to the degree that it was possible, I tried crawling under the desk.
“Esteemed Council!!” thundered the representative from Iridia, hurling the heavy volumes of the Interplanetary Code to the floor of the amphitheater (this must have been a favorite oratorical device in the UP). “We can never hear enough of matters that bring dishonor to those who would violate the United Planets Charter! We can never brand enough those irresponsible elements who would beget life in conditions entirely unsuited for it!!
“Now here we are approached by
The Iridian, putting aside the UP Charter, lifted a massive volume of the Code, which nimble assistants placed in his tentacles, and, opening that monumental tome to the right page, read in a ringing voice:
“Volume Two of the Interplanetary Penal Code, Section Eighty, entitled, ‘On Planetary Incontinence.’”
Paragraph 212: The impregnating of a planet naturally barren is punishable by no less than one hundred, no more than one thousand five hundred years of full astrocism, irrespective of any civil liability for the moral and material losses suffered by the victims.
Paragraph 213: The infraction of paragraph 212, aggravated by the conspicuous presence of malicious intent, as evidenced by manipulations of a wanton nature and with premeditation, whose purpose is the evolution of life forms singularly disfigured, to inspire universal fear or universal revulsion, is punishable by astrocism and distellation of up to one thousand five hundred years.
Paragraph 214: The impregnating of a barren planet as a result of carelessness, oversight or through the slipshod application of appropriate contraceptive measures, is punishable by astrocism of up to four hundred years; if the act is committed in relative ignorance or otherwise reduced awareness of its consequences, the sentence may be reduced to a hundred years.
“I make no mention,” added the Iridian, “of the penalties for interfering with an evolutionary process in statu nascendi, as that does not concern us here. However I would like to point out that the Code does provide for the material liability of the perpetrators with respect to the victims of their planetary incontinence; I will not quote the relevant sections of the Civil Code, for fear of altogether exhausting the patience of the members of this Assembly. I note only that in the catalog of spheres held to be definitively barren by hyperdoctor Phrogghrus no less than by the United Planets Charter and Interplanetary Penal Code, we find on page two thousand six hundred and eighteen, eighth line from the bottom, the following heavenly bodies: Ea, Eagron, Earlsharn, Earth, East Bong, Eblis …”
My mouth fell open, the certification papers slipped from my hand, it grew dark before my eyes. (“Pay attention!” they were shouting in the hall. “Hear, hear! Who does he mean?! Down with—! Long live—!”) As for me, to the degree that it was possible, I tried crawling under the desk.
“Esteemed Council!!” thundered the representative from Iridia, hurling the heavy volumes of the Interplanetary Code to the floor of the amphitheater (this must have been a favorite oratorical device in the UP). “We can never hear enough of matters that bring dishonor to those who would violate the United Planets Charter! We can never brand enough those irresponsible elements who would beget life in conditions entirely unsuited for it!!
“Now here we are approached by
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