This Is a Book by Demetri Martin

Band
     
    Hey Everyone,
    Just wanted to remind you that my band is playing tonight at The Living Room! Come check out the show. We go on at 10. Also, if you know anybody else who wants to get on our mailing list, please let me know. Thanks! See you tonight.
    Josh
     

     
    Dan,
    Hey, buddy. Long time no see. I’m not sure if you got my messages, my newsletter, or the flyers I left under your door. Anyway, as I mentioned in my last couple of voicemails, my band is playing tomorrow night at Good Bar. You should definitely come check us out. The show starts at 8 pm. We go on at 11. I’ll be looking for you, man! I’m going to dedicate a song to you in the middle of our set, so you should really try to be there when I call you out. See you there, buddy!
    Thanks in advance for coming,
    Josh
     

     
    Dear Rob’s Friends,
    I’m psyched to be in charge of planning Rob’s bachelor party. Here’s the plan: First, we’ll all meet up at O’Malley’s at 9:00 and watch my band do a quick show. After my band plays, we can figure out the rest from there.
    Stoked,
    Josh
    PS—I know the bachelor party is a “guys-only” thing, but you should feel free to brng anyone you know to the first part to see my band play.
     

     
    Dear Katie,
    I know things didn’t end well between us and that we agreed to give each other some space for a while, but I really think we should talk. How about Wednesday night? We can meet at The Cutting Room at 10:00. It’ll be good for both of us to finally sit down and really talk, right after you watch my band. We go on at 10 pm. By the way, it’s a great night to see us (Battle of the Bands!). See you at the show.
    Sincerely,
    Josh
    PS—I’ll bring those CDs of yours that you’ve been trying to get back from me for a while along with that sweatshirt that you thought you lost.
     

     
    Dear Mrs. McIntyre,
    I understand your concern about having Kevin’s intervention in a bar, but, just so you know, it won’t actually be
in
the bar. It’ll be in the back room, near the stage. I really feel that this is the best way to do it. First of all, confronting Kevin there will be a major surprise, which will only help the intervention. Second, I may have accidentally hinted to Kevin that the next time he comes home you might try to confront him (sorry about that). But, anyway, the Ace Bar is a place where I know Kevin feels safe, and it’s a place he won’t be avoiding for a while (unlike your house). By the way, I think my band may be playing there that night, starting promptly at 10:15. So, let’s all meet there at 10:00 just to be safe. I’m looking forward to helping Kevin. I even wrote a song about it that I think you’ll really enjoy. See you there!
    Kevin’s friend,
    Josh
     

     
    Dear Michelle,
    I’m so sorry for your loss. With Craig’s passing, this must be a very difficult time for you. One thing Craig had mentioned when he was still alive was how much he wanted you to see my band. We’re playing this Thursday. Why don’t you come (for him). I already put your name on the list so I’ll definitely see you there.
    With Deep Sympathy,
    Josh
     
 
    FOUND: 1 dog. Fits description of missing dog exactly. To get dog back, meet me Wednesday at 11:30 pm at The Crown Bar. I will have the dog and will be there
only
during the band’s performance. Meet me while the band is playing and make sure to watch the band’s entire set. After that, Iwill be leaving the country and will probably take the dog with me.
     

     
    Dear Eric,
    Thank you for the wedding invitation. Unfortunately, I will be unable to attend. However, I will be playing with my band that night not far from where your reception’s going to be. You guys should come see us right after your wedding is done. I’ve already put tickets aside for you. Okay? Great. See you at the show, little brother. And, Kim, welcome to the family!
    Counting on it,
    Josh
    PS—Maybe bring the wedding party too?
     

     
    Hello. Is this the suicide