This May Sound Crazy by Abigail Breslin

on you. Then you can hit him with the whole cat hair ball thing. And if it doesn’t bother him . . .
    Well . . .
    He might
    be a keeper.

11
BASICS

    Whether you have been dumped, or you have been the dumper, it’s safe to say that breakups are never fun. And if you are the one person in the entire universe that got through a breakup completely and 100 percent unscathed then . . .
1. CONGRATS!
    2. You’re lying.
    Ending a relationship is awful and horrible and heartbreaking and gut-wrenching, and there’s no way of getting around that. I mean, you’re basically telling someone you’ve potentially loved, or at least cared a great deal about, that you don’t want him in your life anymore. And we can all use that “we can stay friends” line until we are blue in the face, but NOBODY likes hearing that almost as much as no one likes saying it. You can almost never go backward happily. There really is no GOOD breakup.
    Now if you have just broken up with someone and you are currently sobbing onto this page and/or considering chucking this book across your room and curling into a ball of sadness for eternity, FEAR NOT! I am not just here to be a total downer. I have tips! I’m here to guide you through it! I have NUGGETS OF BREAKUP WISDOM. That’s right. It’s going to be okay. ABrez is here to help.
    Let’s start at the top. Let’s start with the scenario that you are the one being broken up with.
    The most common thing I hear from my friends is, “I never saw it coming.” And that can be true. Sometimes you don’t even notice when someone is pulling away, but there are ALWAYS signs.
1
He starts acting distant. Sometimes it’s not even as obvious as ignoring texts or canceling plans. Sometimes, you just canfeel him starting to pull away. It’s the less eye contact, more time on his phone, not paying as much attention to what you’re saying. It may seem insignificant—and maybe it is—but sometimes it’s not.
2
He invites friends to all of your hangouts. Or, as I like to call it—“buffers.” Maybe you’ve been arguing a little bit, and he feels awkward hanging out completely alone. BUT that’s not a way to solve the problem. Having a bunch of people around when things already aren’t ideal is just a way for him to avoid his issues. DON’T let him get away with this. Maybe try saying, “Hey, I know things haven’t been as great as usual lately, maybe we should just have a one-on-one night so we can really talk everything through so we’re both happy. I get uncomfortable talking about these kinds of things in front of other people.” That way, you’re getting your point across while also not putting the blame on him.
3
You just get that VIBE. Sometimes, nothing is really different. He’s calling, texting, telling you he loves you. He keeps his word with plans. But you still feel like something is “off.” It can make you feel crazy sometimes, because you don’t have any concrete issues. Things just feel weird. Trust your gut. Your gut is usually right. If you feel like something’s wrong, if you’re anxious and unhappy, it’s worth bringing up. Try saying, “I don’t wanna be ‘that girl’ but, is it me or are things kind of off between us lately? Maybe we can grab coffee and talk about it? I know I always think more clearly after a good pumpkin spice latte.” Best case, it’s nothing and you laugh about it later. Worst case, there is something going on, but at least then it’s out in the open. Better to be sad than to think you’re crazy.
    Talking in person about issues is ALWAYS ideal. Second best is over the phone. Texting really isn’t an option when it comes to stufflike this. Too much room for misinterpretation. He may say things like, “I get awkward over the phone” or “I can really pay more attention over