Liquid Courage
“Should we call the guys and see how they’re doing?” I ask Claire.
“That is the third time you’ve asked that question in thirty minutes,” Liz complains.
“If you don’t shut up and enjoy the peace and quiet, I’m going to punch you in the
neck.”
Drew, Carter, and Jim are all at our house with the seven kids, and we’re at Liz and
Jim’s house. I can’t help it if I’m nervous. It’s the first time they’ve all been
alone with the kids without us there to stop the screaming and the crying. We’re
the only ones who can calm the men down when they see how much poop comes out of that
many kids at one time.
“What if one of them gets hurt?”
Claire rolls her eyes at me. “Don’t worry. Gavin knows how to call 9-1-1 if the idiots
we married hurt themselves.
“I’m talking about the kids. What if one of them gets hurt?”
“I know you’re talking about one of the kids. I’m trying to make you lighten up. So lighten
the fuck up!”
Claire and Liz have started project “Fake it Till You Make it” with me. They are
on a mission to restore mine and Drew’s sex life. I still don’t understand this whole
“faking it” thing. I’ve never faked anything with Drew. They had decided I need
to watch the holy grail of faking it movies so we’re spending the afternoon watching When Harry Met Sally .
“I’m still confused by the fact that you have never, ever faked it with Drew. How
is that possible?” Liz asks as she puts the DVD in and hits play.
“Drew is a very giving lover. He always makes sure I come first. And if I don’t,
he brings out one of my toys. And if that doesn’t work, there’s always his tongue.”
“Okay, stop. You’re going to make me puke,” Liz complains.
“Well, it’s true. He’s ambidextrous so his tongue can be used both ways.”
“Oh my God, stop the insanity!” Liz complains.
“So what do you do if you’re just too tired to have sex but he’s bugging you for it?”
Claire asks.
“Um, I tell him I’m too tired for sex and roll over and go to sleep.”
Both women stare at me.
“What? What’s wrong with that? It’s the truth. I’m not going to lie to him.”
“In this case, you definitely should lie to him. He probably thinks you don’t want him anymore,” Claire says.
In all honesty, part of me doesn’t really mind if Drew thinks just for a minute that
I don’t want him. It serves him right for what he did six weeks after Billy was born.
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEK!”
I had bolted up in bed at the sound of Drew screaming in his sleep next to me. He
sat straight up in bed as well, shivering and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.
“Are you okay?” I had asked him with a yawn and checking the clock. Billy would
probably be up in another hour for a feeding unless Drew just woke him up with his
scream.
“I had a really bad dream. Oh my God it was awful. It had fangs and it was trying
to eat me, and I tried to scream but it bit off my tongue! Oh, the horror!” Drew
wailed.
“ Where you dreaming about Miss Lippy again ?” I ask him, lying back down in bed and pulling the covers up over my shoulder.
He looked down at me nervously and started biting his nails.
“I don’t know. I forget. Let’s have sex.”
Drew immediately dropped his head to the pillow, wrapped his arm around my body, and
pulled me against him.
He started kissing my neck, and I swore I could hear him say, “You can do this. Just
don’t think about the fangs.”
“Drew, I don’t know. It might still be too soon,” I told him.
I knew it wasn't too soon. It had been exactly six weeks to the day since Billy was
born. This was the day we could start having sex again. While Drew was busy kissing
his way down to my breasts, I looked over his shoulder at the alarm clock on his side
of the bed.
If I fell asleep right now,
“Should we call the guys and see how they’re doing?” I ask Claire.
“That is the third time you’ve asked that question in thirty minutes,” Liz complains.
“If you don’t shut up and enjoy the peace and quiet, I’m going to punch you in the
neck.”
Drew, Carter, and Jim are all at our house with the seven kids, and we’re at Liz and
Jim’s house. I can’t help it if I’m nervous. It’s the first time they’ve all been
alone with the kids without us there to stop the screaming and the crying. We’re
the only ones who can calm the men down when they see how much poop comes out of that
many kids at one time.
“What if one of them gets hurt?”
Claire rolls her eyes at me. “Don’t worry. Gavin knows how to call 9-1-1 if the idiots
we married hurt themselves.
“I’m talking about the kids. What if one of them gets hurt?”
“I know you’re talking about one of the kids. I’m trying to make you lighten up. So lighten
the fuck up!”
Claire and Liz have started project “Fake it Till You Make it” with me. They are
on a mission to restore mine and Drew’s sex life. I still don’t understand this whole
“faking it” thing. I’ve never faked anything with Drew. They had decided I need
to watch the holy grail of faking it movies so we’re spending the afternoon watching When Harry Met Sally .
“I’m still confused by the fact that you have never, ever faked it with Drew. How
is that possible?” Liz asks as she puts the DVD in and hits play.
“Drew is a very giving lover. He always makes sure I come first. And if I don’t,
he brings out one of my toys. And if that doesn’t work, there’s always his tongue.”
“Okay, stop. You’re going to make me puke,” Liz complains.
“Well, it’s true. He’s ambidextrous so his tongue can be used both ways.”
“Oh my God, stop the insanity!” Liz complains.
“So what do you do if you’re just too tired to have sex but he’s bugging you for it?”
Claire asks.
“Um, I tell him I’m too tired for sex and roll over and go to sleep.”
Both women stare at me.
“What? What’s wrong with that? It’s the truth. I’m not going to lie to him.”
“In this case, you definitely should lie to him. He probably thinks you don’t want him anymore,” Claire says.
In all honesty, part of me doesn’t really mind if Drew thinks just for a minute that
I don’t want him. It serves him right for what he did six weeks after Billy was born.
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEK!”
I had bolted up in bed at the sound of Drew screaming in his sleep next to me. He
sat straight up in bed as well, shivering and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.
“Are you okay?” I had asked him with a yawn and checking the clock. Billy would
probably be up in another hour for a feeding unless Drew just woke him up with his
scream.
“I had a really bad dream. Oh my God it was awful. It had fangs and it was trying
to eat me, and I tried to scream but it bit off my tongue! Oh, the horror!” Drew
wailed.
“ Where you dreaming about Miss Lippy again ?” I ask him, lying back down in bed and pulling the covers up over my shoulder.
He looked down at me nervously and started biting his nails.
“I don’t know. I forget. Let’s have sex.”
Drew immediately dropped his head to the pillow, wrapped his arm around my body, and
pulled me against him.
He started kissing my neck, and I swore I could hear him say, “You can do this. Just
don’t think about the fangs.”
“Drew, I don’t know. It might still be too soon,” I told him.
I knew it wasn't too soon. It had been exactly six weeks to the day since Billy was
born. This was the day we could start having sex again. While Drew was busy kissing
his way down to my breasts, I looked over his shoulder at the alarm clock on his side
of the bed.
If I fell asleep right now,
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