Truly Tasteless Jokes Three by Blanche Knott

leprechaun nuns at all, anywhere?” The nun shook her head.
    At which the second leprechaun shook the first by the shoulders, and shouted, “You see! You see! I told you you fucked a penguin!”
    *
    What's the difference between Jesus Christ and an oil painting?
You only need one nail to hang up a painting.
    *
    A priest and a rabbi decided to pool their money and buy a car, since neither could afford one on his own. On the day of the purchase, they made an agreement at the Toyota dealership that the vehicle would not be more of one religion than of the other.
    The priest was a very devout fellow, however, and the very first night, unaware of the rabbi spying on him through the keyhole, he snuck into the garage and sprinkled a little holy water on the hood.
    The next night, very cautiously, the rabbi tiptoed into the garage. Hacksaw in hand, he proceeded to take four inches off the tailpipe—
    *
    What do you get when you mix holy water with castor oil?
A religious movement.
    *
    A man is driving along a country road when his car breaks down. He has it towed to the nearest repair shop, which happens to be next door to a convent. Told that the car will take an hour to fix, he pays a visit to the convent and ends up spending the hour in bed with young Sister Angela. As they finish their lovemaking they hear someone coming, so the man sprints off naked over the convent wall while Sister Angela ditches his clothes in the laundry room.
    That night all the nuns are called together to a special meeting, and a chorus of gasps follow the Mother Superior's announcement that a man's clothing had been found inside the convent.
    “We found a man's shirt!” thunders the head nun. All the nuns gasp, but a single giggle escapes from Sister Angela.
    “And we found a man's trousers!” continues Mother Superior. All the nuns gasp; Sister Angela giggles.
    “And we found a man's underwear!” All the nuns gasp; Sister Angela giggles.
    “And we found a condom!” Again a chorus of gasps, and a single giggle from the back of the room.
    “And,” goes on the Mother Superior, “we found a hole in the condom!”
    And all the nuns giggle as Sister Angela gasps.
    *
    What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?
Popeye almost killed him.
    *
    A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane when the captain announced a little engine trouble ... and a little rough weather ... and finally suggested that anyone on board who is religiously inclined say their last prayers. The priest fell to his knees in the aisle, and as he crossed himself he noticed the rabbi doing the same thing. So when the plane leveled off and things began to look more hopeful, he turned to the rabbi and said smugly, “So, when you truly feared death, you turned to Almighty Jesus for solace!”
    “Not at all.” The rabbi smiled, repeating his gestures. “The usual check: spectacles, testicles, money, and cigars!”
    *
    An unwed pregnant girl went to the doctor for an abortion, but found to her dismay that things were too far along. “Don't worry,” said the kind-hearted doctor, “when your time comes, go into the hospital and have the baby. There's sure to be someone in for a gallbladder operation, and we'll give her the baby and tell her it wasn't her gallbladder after all.”
    She followed his plan, but when the baby was born the only gallbladder case in the hospital was a middle-aged priest. What the hell, thought the doctor, I'll give it a try. So he presented the baby to the priest, who was overjoyed. “This is an act of God,” he exclaimed happily and took the infant home. They lived a contented life together for twenty years, until the priest found himself on his deathbed.
    He called the boy in and said, “My son, I must tell you something. I'm not really your father— I'm your mother. The bishop is your father.”
    *
    What do they make from frozen holy water?
Popesicles.
    *
    Jesus, Moses, and an old man are playing golf. Moses tees up