people don’t drive anymore. Gas allowances are only given once a year, and each family is given a very small amount. People tend to use it for driving in the winter or heating their houses when it’s cold.
A breeze tosses my hair into my face and I push it aside.
“You knew the drugs were requested?” he finally says.
I can’t meet his eye, but I nod. “I saw her file the other day.”
“There are a lot of things that most people don’t know, Hana. I’m sorry you had to find out about the chemo drugs this way. You wouldn’t have ever known about them if you hadn’t heard the doctors that first day.”
I nod. He makes a good point, but I do know about them now, and I won’t ever forget. I want to know if they are approved, though. Why isn’t he telling me that?
Still, I’m afraid to ask. What if he says they were denied?
“The request is still pending,” he answers my unasked question.
Relief fills me up, but then I remember what he said a moment ago. “What other things don’t people know?”
He watches me for a long time, but finally shakes his head. “This isn’t the time or place for a conversation like that.”
I stand up straighter and step toward him. “What do you mean? What’s to hide?”
He sighs. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Well you did say it.” I’m a little annoyed, but I know it’s not fair to take it out on him. My real frustration comes from the issue with the chemo. This problem is too huge for me, and it hurts.
He watches me, his eyes soft. “You’re right, I did say it. I’ll tell you more if you want to know, but not here. Not in this place.”
“What’s wrong with this place?”
He glances around and then his gaze finds mine again. “Please trust me on this.”
I turn my attention back to the city. Anger burns my insides. Anger at the doctors, at the mysteries, at the mutation. “How can I trust anyone?”
He scoots closer to the edge of the building and rests his elbows on the ledge, looking out over the city. “There is someone you can trust.”
I snort. “Who?” It feels strange, being so cynical. I don’t like this personality that’s coming out.
He leans closer, his eyes wide and serious. “Have you ever heard of God, Hana?”
My breathing stills. God? I try to ignore the memories of my aunt dying when I was little. My parents had argued, because Mom wanted to know what happened to her sister after death. My dad yelled and said she was reincarnated, just like everyone else. I could tell Mom didn’t agree, and there was some mention of God, but Dad was so mad Mom never brought it up again. I’ve never been sure of reincarnation since, but I haven’t mentioned it. Religion is against the law, and Dad’s a stickler for law-abidedness.
That’s why we have meditation now. Besides the fact that religion separated the people of the country in the past, their belief in a God didn’t do much for them. Meditation puts the responsibility on us, the people. We free our minds and spirits, and when our minds are clear we can find the answers we need.
“I guess so,” I finally answer his question.
He nods and looks away. “There are answers to be found, if you want them.”
Answers. That word intrigues me, because hadn’t I just been thinking how there sure were a lot of unanswered questions floating around? Besides, if Mom might die, she would probably like to know what’s going to happen to her afterward.
“Will you meet me?” he asks.
Meeting him would mean breaking the rules. Girls aren’t allowed alone with boys. It isn’t that the government is trying to prevent love; it’s just that they’re trying to prevent babies and extra mouths to feed. Back in the Early Days they had something called birth control pills. We don’t have them anymore, but if we did, I’m sure the government would require we used them.
I swallow hard and look at the city one last time, and then I turn to him. I give one firm nod. “Yeah, I
A breeze tosses my hair into my face and I push it aside.
“You knew the drugs were requested?” he finally says.
I can’t meet his eye, but I nod. “I saw her file the other day.”
“There are a lot of things that most people don’t know, Hana. I’m sorry you had to find out about the chemo drugs this way. You wouldn’t have ever known about them if you hadn’t heard the doctors that first day.”
I nod. He makes a good point, but I do know about them now, and I won’t ever forget. I want to know if they are approved, though. Why isn’t he telling me that?
Still, I’m afraid to ask. What if he says they were denied?
“The request is still pending,” he answers my unasked question.
Relief fills me up, but then I remember what he said a moment ago. “What other things don’t people know?”
He watches me for a long time, but finally shakes his head. “This isn’t the time or place for a conversation like that.”
I stand up straighter and step toward him. “What do you mean? What’s to hide?”
He sighs. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Well you did say it.” I’m a little annoyed, but I know it’s not fair to take it out on him. My real frustration comes from the issue with the chemo. This problem is too huge for me, and it hurts.
He watches me, his eyes soft. “You’re right, I did say it. I’ll tell you more if you want to know, but not here. Not in this place.”
“What’s wrong with this place?”
He glances around and then his gaze finds mine again. “Please trust me on this.”
I turn my attention back to the city. Anger burns my insides. Anger at the doctors, at the mysteries, at the mutation. “How can I trust anyone?”
He scoots closer to the edge of the building and rests his elbows on the ledge, looking out over the city. “There is someone you can trust.”
I snort. “Who?” It feels strange, being so cynical. I don’t like this personality that’s coming out.
He leans closer, his eyes wide and serious. “Have you ever heard of God, Hana?”
My breathing stills. God? I try to ignore the memories of my aunt dying when I was little. My parents had argued, because Mom wanted to know what happened to her sister after death. My dad yelled and said she was reincarnated, just like everyone else. I could tell Mom didn’t agree, and there was some mention of God, but Dad was so mad Mom never brought it up again. I’ve never been sure of reincarnation since, but I haven’t mentioned it. Religion is against the law, and Dad’s a stickler for law-abidedness.
That’s why we have meditation now. Besides the fact that religion separated the people of the country in the past, their belief in a God didn’t do much for them. Meditation puts the responsibility on us, the people. We free our minds and spirits, and when our minds are clear we can find the answers we need.
“I guess so,” I finally answer his question.
He nods and looks away. “There are answers to be found, if you want them.”
Answers. That word intrigues me, because hadn’t I just been thinking how there sure were a lot of unanswered questions floating around? Besides, if Mom might die, she would probably like to know what’s going to happen to her afterward.
“Will you meet me?” he asks.
Meeting him would mean breaking the rules. Girls aren’t allowed alone with boys. It isn’t that the government is trying to prevent love; it’s just that they’re trying to prevent babies and extra mouths to feed. Back in the Early Days they had something called birth control pills. We don’t have them anymore, but if we did, I’m sure the government would require we used them.
I swallow hard and look at the city one last time, and then I turn to him. I give one firm nod. “Yeah, I
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