Weirder Than Weird by Francis Burger

base. We’ll be ready.”
    There was no time to discuss the horror of the Albatross; the men just made a bee-line for the camp. The snow was falling much heavier now and the wind was climbing to tempest strength. A small helicopter arrived on the scene just as they approached the camp. The men ran over and the Skipper stuck his head through the door.
    “What the hell is this? Where’s the Huey?”
    The pilot looked stricken. “Sorry Colonel, this is the best we could do. The Huey’s got engine trouble. We just got to try and fit every body in, that’s all.”
    The men piled aboard as best they could but the chopper couldn’t manage enough lift.
    “Too much weight!” the pilot shouted with an ominous tone.
    The Skipper looked him in the eyes. “If I stay behind, will you be able to make another trip back in this soup?”
    “You bet, Colonel,” the pilot responded without hesitation. “All the hounds in hell couldn’t stop me from getting back here.”
    The Skipper winked. “That’s good enough for me,” he said and stepped out of the chopper.
    The men immediately protested, each offering to make the sacrifice, but the Skipper had made his decision. The chopper labored for a few moments but eventually gained altitude and disappeared into a blanket of white.
    The Skipper retreated back to the tent. Once inside, he cranked up the kerosene heater and wrapped himself in a blanket. He was surprised at how quickly the temperature had fallen. He began pacing back and forth, trying to maintain the circulation in his feet,  when suddenly a gust of wind tore the back side of the tent open with a loud ripping sound and the snow poured through like a sieve. He stepped up to try and staunch the hole but a second later the wind toppled the kerosene heater, splashing its fuel and igniting the tent in a sudden burst of flame. There was nothing he could do but get out quickly. Seconds later he found himself standing alone in the middle of a raging blizzard watching what was left of the tent sizzle to oblivion. He was now without the least bit of shelter and it occurred to him that for the first time in his life he wasn’t going to come out on the good end of this one. But an idea suddenly crossed his mind. “The Albatross! Of course!” He turned and high-tailed it through a blinding torrent of snow and ice and was much relieved when he once again stepped up into the plane. It was as cold as a meat locker inside but he was grateful for the shelter. He knew he wouldn’t have lasted ten more minutes out in that storm. He tried his walkie-talkie but it only returned static. His body shivered uncontrollably and his teeth found their old rhythm once again. He draped the blanket over his head and sat down against the planes bulkhead, trying to get comfortable. The frozen navigator sat across from him not nine feet away but he tried to push the thought out of his mind.
    “Mustn’t fall asleep.” He said to himself. “Mustn’t…”
    It seemed like only seconds later that his wife was rubbing his tired feet as he lay stretched out on their leather couch at home. The fireplace was glowing bright in the corner of the room and its warmth felt delicious as he sipped a glass of chilled wine.
    “That’s how it all happened, dear. I was truly lucky to make it out alive.”
    “Oh, you poor thing!” she said as she squeezed some more aloe scented lotion into her hand. “Now you just try to relax while momma pampers her little baby.”
    He laughed. “Yeah, I must say that it’s good to be back home again.” He took another long sip of his drink and closed his eyes. “Ahhh…that feels great honey, you’ve certainly got the magic touch.” For some reason, she started whistling something under her breath and it struck him as odd since he could never recall her whistling before. She stopped suddenly.
    “You know dear, if you don’t feel up to going out tonight, I can easily fix something myself. As a matter of fact,” she said