it out, Olly says, but this Mr Carson is into all sorts of stuff apparently so we’ll get something.
Mr Carson, I goes, he’s not Thai then.
I think he’s from Singapore, Olly says, breathing a sigh of relief as the ferry pulls out, but who knows with these cunts.
They had a wee coffee machine on the ferry, sure I hadn’t had coffee in ages, it was good so it was. The ferry wasn’t that busy and it took two hours getting to the mainland so Olly stretched out across a couple of seats for forty winks. I wasn’t tired, the coffee was making my head ping like a line of whizz, sure that’s all speed is anyway. I walked out onto the deck for a look and spotted this gorgeous-looking wee blonde standing by herself looking nervous. She glanced over at me I could see she had a well-thumbed Lonely Planet under her arm so I walks over to say hello sort of thing.
Bout ye, I says, you tried this coffee it’s not too bad actually.
Yes, she goes, I already had a cup it’s quite strong isn’t it.
You all right, I says, she looked like she’d been crying or something.
Yes, she goes, I’m just a bit worried about this townSatun, there’s nothing about it in the guidebook.
Is there not, I says, sure there’s probably nothing worth seeing there that’s all, I came through on the way down it’s a bit of a shithole.
She bit her lip then and I realised I’d just made her even more nervous than she was before.
But don’t worry about it, I says, me and my friend are staying there tonight so stick with us and you’ll be all right.
She looked relieved then but I could tell she was a bit wary of me the way she was looking at my tatts and that. Loads of these backpackers think they’re adventurous types until they come to some place not in their aul guidebook and then they’re lost sure they depend on that aul thing far too much if you ask me.
I’m Billy, I goes and offers her my hand, and my mate Olly is sleeping through there, he’s French but don’t hold it against him if he tries to chat you up that’s just his way.
She laughs a bit then and says, that’s all right I’m used to it.
I’m sure you are, I goes, thinking I wouldn’t mind this wee looker for myself and thank fuck Olly was dozing so’s I could get in first.
I’m Sigrid, she says, from Stockholm. I’m meeting friends on Ko Samui.
Is that right, I goes, sure that’ll be great craic it’s dead nice over there so it is.
Oh good, she says relieved, is it easy to get there?
Aye, I says, just jump on one of the air-conditionedbuses in Satun they’ll take you right up the coast sure I’ll show you the morrow no problem.
Thanks so much, she goes, I feel better now I was a bit worried about sorting that out.
Tell me something, I goes, ‘cos I always wondered this, is there no ugly people in the Sweden? I always thought the gorgeous blonde people were a myth but every one of youse that I meet looks like a supermodel or something, what do youse eat over there?
I could tell she liked hearing that ‘cos she brushed her hair back over her ears then and smiled a bit. She was a right wee pocket rocket, absolutely gorgeous, perfect skin and lovely piercing blue eyes, in the back of my mind I was thinking I wouldn’t mind retiring to the Sweden if they all look like this one, unbelievable so it was, quite a relief from that English bint with the hairy toes.
And every Irish guy I meet is a charmer, she goes, so I guess we both live up to the stereotype.
C’est vrai , I says, showing off.
Ah, tu parles français, she goes, I knew what she said but held my hands up, just a few words, I says, I suppose you speak twelve languages like everyone else from your part of the world.
Only five, she goes, like it was nothing.
Youse must have cracker schools like, I says.
She just shrugs, if you live in Europe you have to learn languages that’s just the way it is.
Fuck me, I was thinking, sure I hardly understand nothing in my own language never mind no
Mr Carson, I goes, he’s not Thai then.
I think he’s from Singapore, Olly says, breathing a sigh of relief as the ferry pulls out, but who knows with these cunts.
They had a wee coffee machine on the ferry, sure I hadn’t had coffee in ages, it was good so it was. The ferry wasn’t that busy and it took two hours getting to the mainland so Olly stretched out across a couple of seats for forty winks. I wasn’t tired, the coffee was making my head ping like a line of whizz, sure that’s all speed is anyway. I walked out onto the deck for a look and spotted this gorgeous-looking wee blonde standing by herself looking nervous. She glanced over at me I could see she had a well-thumbed Lonely Planet under her arm so I walks over to say hello sort of thing.
Bout ye, I says, you tried this coffee it’s not too bad actually.
Yes, she goes, I already had a cup it’s quite strong isn’t it.
You all right, I says, she looked like she’d been crying or something.
Yes, she goes, I’m just a bit worried about this townSatun, there’s nothing about it in the guidebook.
Is there not, I says, sure there’s probably nothing worth seeing there that’s all, I came through on the way down it’s a bit of a shithole.
She bit her lip then and I realised I’d just made her even more nervous than she was before.
But don’t worry about it, I says, me and my friend are staying there tonight so stick with us and you’ll be all right.
She looked relieved then but I could tell she was a bit wary of me the way she was looking at my tatts and that. Loads of these backpackers think they’re adventurous types until they come to some place not in their aul guidebook and then they’re lost sure they depend on that aul thing far too much if you ask me.
I’m Billy, I goes and offers her my hand, and my mate Olly is sleeping through there, he’s French but don’t hold it against him if he tries to chat you up that’s just his way.
She laughs a bit then and says, that’s all right I’m used to it.
I’m sure you are, I goes, thinking I wouldn’t mind this wee looker for myself and thank fuck Olly was dozing so’s I could get in first.
I’m Sigrid, she says, from Stockholm. I’m meeting friends on Ko Samui.
Is that right, I goes, sure that’ll be great craic it’s dead nice over there so it is.
Oh good, she says relieved, is it easy to get there?
Aye, I says, just jump on one of the air-conditionedbuses in Satun they’ll take you right up the coast sure I’ll show you the morrow no problem.
Thanks so much, she goes, I feel better now I was a bit worried about sorting that out.
Tell me something, I goes, ‘cos I always wondered this, is there no ugly people in the Sweden? I always thought the gorgeous blonde people were a myth but every one of youse that I meet looks like a supermodel or something, what do youse eat over there?
I could tell she liked hearing that ‘cos she brushed her hair back over her ears then and smiled a bit. She was a right wee pocket rocket, absolutely gorgeous, perfect skin and lovely piercing blue eyes, in the back of my mind I was thinking I wouldn’t mind retiring to the Sweden if they all look like this one, unbelievable so it was, quite a relief from that English bint with the hairy toes.
And every Irish guy I meet is a charmer, she goes, so I guess we both live up to the stereotype.
C’est vrai , I says, showing off.
Ah, tu parles français, she goes, I knew what she said but held my hands up, just a few words, I says, I suppose you speak twelve languages like everyone else from your part of the world.
Only five, she goes, like it was nothing.
Youse must have cracker schools like, I says.
She just shrugs, if you live in Europe you have to learn languages that’s just the way it is.
Fuck me, I was thinking, sure I hardly understand nothing in my own language never mind no
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